Random musings

Happy Saturday to you!  I have been following along in blogland, but haven't felt much like writing.  Today I thought I'd share my random thoughts as to where I am at right now.

Overall, I'm feeling much better than the first week off of work (when we went away).  It was like we had to go down to the depths of our sorrow in order to come back out again.  This past week was nice. I just worked 2 days, and I thoroughly enjoyed the rest of the time off.  I organized the house.  I knit.  I sewed.  I went to the gym.  I connected with some friends.  I read and listened to some talks online.  I applied for E.I. (hey, why not?).  I realized, though, that I need to plan some sort of schedule for myself.  Even getting up at a consistent time makes me feel WAY better and productive in my days.  Today, for instance, we slept in (I've been fighting a bad cold) and threw off our routine.  We had "brunch" at noon and I just finally showered at 3:00.  That makes it feel like the day is almost over and I haven't done anything.  That does not make me happy.  I am trying to learn, though, how to be content even if I don't accomplish something in my day.  I have a hard time just "being" and I always want to be "doing" something.  This time off is a good challenge for me.

DH and I are slowly doing better together.  He is still super stressed out about a lot of things, but he is trying not to let his feelings towards me be influenced by that stress (particularly in regards to my family and all the new babies there).  We had a date night this week.  We worked to respect one another and be "in love" again.

On that note, I wish I could just get rid of the hope of trying to be pregnant once and for all.  Yesterday was CD14 (I'm not counting, but looked it up just to check).  DH and I were feeling intimate and had a good old time (actually, that's a few times this week).  I had to look up the day I was on, and when I saw that it fell within my fertile window, I could not help but get my hopes up!  I know they will be dashed once AF shows up... but it's like I can't help hoping.  Maybe, after 6 years of TTC on our own... 3 IUIs... one miscarriage.... it just might magically happen this month!  I know that is bullshit.  Go away hope, go away!!!

I am really liking my time off.  I have an interview next week (just for one day of work/week), but I almost don't want to go.  I think this time and space is really important for me right now.  I have been eating healthy and getting my body back again.  My emotions seem to be leveling out.  DH needs me to be there to support him through his stressful time.  Maybe things can just stay as they are...

Right now my time still seems full and busy.  I have a list of things to tackle at my own pace.  Once that list is done though, I don't know how I'll feel.  Maybe I'll just wait until then and see.

Has anyone else noticed there have been a lot of BFPs in blogworld lately?

As happy as I am for those people, I just can't help but think, "why not me???"