Christmas Cheer

Now for a late update.  We had a lovely, but exhausting Christmas with our boys. Christmas night was probably our worst night yet with their sleep, probably from all the stimulation and cuddles from new people, but two nights later they had their best sleep to date. If only that would continue, it would be great.

Rather than bore you with words, here are some photos of the festivities.

Oh hello bright eyes!

Babies under the tree

Meeting cousins

Comparing cousins (this one is only 5 months older...but he's a BIG boy!)

Being "aaahed" over

Sleeping during presents

Lookalikes?

Mama cuddles

Cuddles x2

Attempting a family photo...maybe next year will be better :)

Merry Christmas 2013

Hope

Last year, Christmas was very hard. My mom reminded me of how I hadn't even wanted to celebrate.  Earlier in 2012 we lost our first baby, who would have been due at the end of November. We "should" have been celebrating our first Christmas as a family of three. Instead we mourned, wondering if there would ever be kids to put presents under the tree for.  I do remember the pain, the raw emotion, the loss of hope. 

Somehow, though, we picked ourselves up and kept going.  I don't know where the hope came from, but it came alive as we decided to pursue an IUI once again. A few weeks later we found out that we were pregnant with our twins. In an instant, everything changed. 

I know what it's like to dread celebrating a holiday. To feel the unfairness and to wish, wish, wish that things were different. If that is where you are today, I don't have any great words...all I can say is know that this time will pass. My thoughts are with you this holiday season. I know it's cliche, but it's true...you really never know what the future might hold.  

As much as I wished for a child, I never really imagined that we would be celebrating this year with TWO little babies under our tree. Sure, the tree is crooked, with half the lights burnt out, the laundry is piled on the couch, no baking has been done, and rather than a turkey dinner we will be eating nachos and drinking non-alcoholic beer...but really, none of that matters.  At the end of the day, as sleep deprived as we are (and the days and nights don't really have a distinction), we will be cuddling babies under the half-working lights of the tree.  And that is pretty special. 

Merry Christmas to you all. 

2 Months

Happy two months baby boys! 

7 Weeks Twins Update

I'm not sure how often I will have a chance to update on the twins, but I know that I found it helpful to read other posts about how their twins were doing.  So feel free to skip on by if you're not interested. 

We are at 7 weeks!  Two weeks adjusted age.  That means we've been home for 4 weeks already.  When I realized that I kind of freaked out.  It doesn't feel like we have it together at all.  The days are a blur and I really don't know what we have accomplished during this time.  I think that is just the way it goes with newborn twins. 

The boys are doing well and growing stronger each day!  We haven't weighed them for over a week, but at last check RJ was 6lb,4oz and MJ was 7lb,2oz.  I'm sure we're over 7 and 8lbs now!  Basically, all the boys do is eat, poop, and sleep.  There "awake" time during the day, is probably only 1 hour total.  That is the time, apart from eating, when they are alert.  We try to use that time now to work on tummy time, making eye contact, playing with rattles, and showing colours and patterns.  I can't wait until they become more interactive and start to smile! 

Sleep is the hardest part right now.  Feedings still take place every 2 1/2 - 3 hours, and the boys usually sleep most of the time in-between... except between 2am-6am.  That is when they fuss and want to be held and are most awake.  Really, 4am is the devil's hour!  We can handle being tired at any other time in the day, but being awake and tired at 4am with screaming babies is TOUGH!  Nerves are worn the most thin at that point in time and, unfortunately, that is the time our babies are the most needy.  We hope to get out of that cycle soon! 

Feeding is going alright.  We just introduced formula in an attempt to try to get the boys to sleep longer stretches at nighttime.  (I don't think it's working).  Breastfeeding is alright, but could use some improvement.  Both boys can nurse well, but don't always choose to.  And tandem feeding is hard work!  Getting them both latched and to stay awake for a full feed is tough, so we often end up topping them up with bottles (with expressed breast milk) after.  That takes a long time.  I am still pumping every 3 hours and we are using the expressed breast milk (EBM) to bottle feed so that hubby can help and I can take a break.  It's quite tiring and I hope to get it down to a better process soon.  Right now, I tandem about 2-3 feeds per day, and we do bottle feeds twice a day (if someone is around to help hubby).  The other feeds are a combo of bottle and breast.  It's going alright, but some days are tough.  The other day there was a stretch where the boys weren't on the same schedule and I fed every hour for 4 hours straight!  It's hard to know whether to keep them on the same schedule so that I can tandem feed them at the same time, or stagger them.  When they are on the same schedule they wake up together super hungry and that is stressful if I'm on my own trying to feed them both (one bottle and one breast).  But staggering them takes longer, which is tough too.  I almost wanted to give up breastfeeding this week, but I have heard from others that the 6-7 week stretch is tough and if you keep going, it gets easier.  We haven't quite figured out the dance, but I hope we get there soon! 

We still haven't made too many outings yet.  I haven't had the courage to try feeding in public.  However, we did have one exciting event this week...getting a Christmas tree from the farm.  Now we have a little bit of Christmas cheer for our babies first Christmas! 

6 Weeks Post Partum

First off, thank you to all the twin mamas who responded to my last post. I have wanted to respond to your emails individually but have not had the time.

This post is a bit late but I meant to post about my recovery at the 6 week mark.  All in all, I would say that I have had a good recovery from delivering twins. Apart from the bleeding escapade, things have been quite smooth. I only had slight tearing and haven't noticed any issues. The swelling has all gone down. My doctor gave me the all clear to resume all normal activities (including exercise and sex), which I am excited for when I can find the time/energy (which is a huge challenge right now as usually I or my DH are sleeping whenever we are not caring for the babies).  I have had some pelvic pain in general but my doctor actually attributes that to low hormone levels, rather than actual physical recovery. With the low estrogen after being pregnant, your body feels different in certain areas but this goes away as hormone levels rise again.

Actually at my 6-week check up the main conversation was about birth control!!!  I haven't used birth control for 7 years so I definitely am out of the loop. Basically my choices are only the mini pill or an IUD since I am breastfeeding. And yes, we DO want to use birth control since the idea of getting pregnant while dealing with young twins freaks us out!  But we are undecided on whether we will try for more kids down the road. So, The IUD does seem the most convenient but I don't really know much about it at all.  I will do some more research before deciding.

The only other update has to do with my weight/appearance.  I really haven't lost as much weight as I expected by this point. During the pregnancy I put on about 40lbs, plus another 10 that I attribute to ttc. At this point, I am only down 25 from giving birth, which leaves another 25 to go.  My eating habits have not been great since giving birth. At first I found that breastfeeding made me starving!  I also have been giving myself much more license to eat things that are not good for me, particularly those sweets I avoided since I had gestational diabetes.  And I really have not yet had the time to get back to regular exercise, though I want to so badly!  I know it will come in time and that I should be patient but it is tough to feel unattractive while being so overtired too.  I fit into most of my pre-pregnancy clothes but they just don't look or feel the same. Mostly I have bigger hips and lots of excess fat around the belly still (the midriff tire).  I really hope to have the energy and time soon to get at exercise. 

For interest's sake, here are some before/after photos of me and my pregnancy body. 

34 Weeks Pregnant

One week post-partum

Six weeks post-partum