Hope

Last year, Christmas was very hard. My mom reminded me of how I hadn't even wanted to celebrate.  Earlier in 2012 we lost our first baby, who would have been due at the end of November. We "should" have been celebrating our first Christmas as a family of three. Instead we mourned, wondering if there would ever be kids to put presents under the tree for.  I do remember the pain, the raw emotion, the loss of hope. 

Somehow, though, we picked ourselves up and kept going.  I don't know where the hope came from, but it came alive as we decided to pursue an IUI once again. A few weeks later we found out that we were pregnant with our twins. In an instant, everything changed. 

I know what it's like to dread celebrating a holiday. To feel the unfairness and to wish, wish, wish that things were different. If that is where you are today, I don't have any great words...all I can say is know that this time will pass. My thoughts are with you this holiday season. I know it's cliche, but it's true...you really never know what the future might hold.  

As much as I wished for a child, I never really imagined that we would be celebrating this year with TWO little babies under our tree. Sure, the tree is crooked, with half the lights burnt out, the laundry is piled on the couch, no baking has been done, and rather than a turkey dinner we will be eating nachos and drinking non-alcoholic beer...but really, none of that matters.  At the end of the day, as sleep deprived as we are (and the days and nights don't really have a distinction), we will be cuddling babies under the half-working lights of the tree.  And that is pretty special. 

Merry Christmas to you all.