I don't know who reads this blog much anymore. If there is anyone reading who is still in the TTC trenches. If there is, this may be a post you want to skip... maybe. :)
Giving birth to children and becoming a mother are life changing events... there is no doubt about it. As I have written about before, for me, the transition was not seamless, despite the incredible love I have for my children. I struggled (and still do) to make sense of my new identity, to reconcile the hurt and pain from years in the trenches, and to adapt to my new role. And now, nearly a year in, I find that role changing once again.
My boys are no longer completely dependent little babies. Yes, they still are little. They still are babies. And they still depend on me. But now entirely like they did when they were one month old. They are branching out in their little world, discovering what it means to be apart from "mom" for a period of time, and learning things like how to move, to communicate, and to eat on their own. This transformation is truly incredible.
As I wrote about in this post, I, too, am branching out, back to the life that was put on hold when these little beings entered my life. And just as they face separation anxiety being away from me, so I face anxiety being away from them and trying to find my way in a land that is familiar and yet so different.
So much changes in one year with children.
I am not the same counsellor who left my job a year ago.
I am not the same friend I was before I had children.
I am not the same wife who lived childless with my husband for 8 years before these boys entered our lives.
I think it is only natural to feel anxious.
I haven't yet figured out how to really enjoy life "on my own" again. My best (and hardest) moments are when I am with my children.
I. Love. Being. Their. Mom. SOOOOO. Much.
It's all I really want to do right now.
I anticipate the milestone next month with a bit of trepidation. In some ways, I want things to stay exactly as they are right now forever. I know that can't be.
But I just want to hold on a little longer. I'm not quite ready to move ahead just yet.
Friday, September 19, 2014
Thursday, September 18, 2014
Sunday, September 7, 2014
The 8-9-10 Month Sleep Regression
Nobody told me about sleep regressions before having kids. Sure, I assumed the first few weeks would be tough, but I naively assumed that once you "trained" your kids to sleep properly, they would be sweet dreamers and sleep through the night no problem. Boy I was wrong! Even with a sleep consultant at our side, and fairly well sleeping babies, I must say I can only count a handful of nights that BOTH babies have actually slept all the way through.
This week we picked up our sleep training hard core again. I'll write more about how it goes once I have more to say. But can I just say that this current regression is a beast! It's hard to explain exactly what this regression is all about, but most information I find online says that somewhere between 8-10 months, it is common for babies to become like newborns again. It's a combination of huge brain development (I think we are in one of the toughest "Wonder Weeks" yet), teething, and just a bunch of stuff altogether.
Yesterday RJ refused to nap all day, and only slept for 30 minutes in a sling while we went for a walk. Last night MJ took over an hour to settle back to sleep after waking up. And this morning I just spent an hour getting RJ to nap, and only succeeded when I held him, rocked him, and sang to him, like when he was a newborn.
As exasperating as it is at times, all I could think today was how lucky I am to have these boys in my life. I love them SO MUCH it literally hurts. Sure, it's tough at 3am when all you want it your warm bed, but they are so seriously incredible. It pains me when they have a tough time falling asleep, and yet it is what they want and need most. But the little cuddles, the sweet softness of breath, the silky skin up against yours... it takes my breath away. I love you little bundles!
This week we picked up our sleep training hard core again. I'll write more about how it goes once I have more to say. But can I just say that this current regression is a beast! It's hard to explain exactly what this regression is all about, but most information I find online says that somewhere between 8-10 months, it is common for babies to become like newborns again. It's a combination of huge brain development (I think we are in one of the toughest "Wonder Weeks" yet), teething, and just a bunch of stuff altogether.
Yesterday RJ refused to nap all day, and only slept for 30 minutes in a sling while we went for a walk. Last night MJ took over an hour to settle back to sleep after waking up. And this morning I just spent an hour getting RJ to nap, and only succeeded when I held him, rocked him, and sang to him, like when he was a newborn.
As exasperating as it is at times, all I could think today was how lucky I am to have these boys in my life. I love them SO MUCH it literally hurts. Sure, it's tough at 3am when all you want it your warm bed, but they are so seriously incredible. It pains me when they have a tough time falling asleep, and yet it is what they want and need most. But the little cuddles, the sweet softness of breath, the silky skin up against yours... it takes my breath away. I love you little bundles!
Monday, September 1, 2014
10 Months
Ooops...I'm late on this post AND I think I completely forgot to post anything last month. Hopefully I'll catch up soon. But in the meantime, here are the little gaffers at 10 months!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)