The Roller Coaster Ride

I think I am still trying to figure out how I feel about this change of events here. When the doctor first broke the news to us, I think I was in shock. I heard what she was saying and agreed, but I also burst into tears. It happened so fast. At first the ultrasound was going great. Babies were fine, cervix measured long... But she couldn't get a good look at the clot. So, she did an internal and that is when she found that the clot had moved into my cervix and dilated it completely!  She showed us but I didn't really comprehend what it meant until she said, "so now I get to tell you the news that you won't like me for." And she told me that I wasn't leaving the hospital and asked if I had packed a hospital bag (at which I laughed because I had packed a small bag at my mom's recommendation).

From there I was wheeled right up to the antepartum unit, admitted, and put into bed.  It was all a whirlwind!  When I started contracting the next morning it just carried on. Finally yesterday I was able to gather my thoughts a bit.

I am so glad I came for this appointment when I did. I even had to advocate for it and push my clinic to call again and again. I'm glad the doctor did an internal check because from the regular ultrasound my cervix looked nice and long. I am glad to feel safe in a hospital that treats preemie twins and not have to worry about having them flown in during a crisis.  I am even happy to have some "restrictions" so that I don't have to make the decisions about what I can and can't do.

What is hard is being away from my home during this time. We are not ready!  I know now why people suggest you have everything ready for twins by 24-28 weeks. We haven't even painted the nursery!  I feel like I am going to come home with two babies to an unorganized house. And its not like I'll have the time to correct it once I get there.  That is hard for me to accept but I don't have a choice. I know it will get hard as it gets more boring being here in the hospital. Its only been 3 full days. I have managed so far but I know it won't be easy.

Then there are the worries about the babies coming too early.  While this is not something I am super worried about, I know that I am naive and unaware of the difficulties it may hold. I am trying not to cross that bridge until I need to, but even as I spoke to the doctor about c-sections it made me cry.

Anyways, this is a rambly post as I wrote it at various point during the day, but it gives a snapshot of where my emotions are at right now. Surprisingly, I am holding it together okay. I don't know how, apart from the prayers of many and the grace of God.

And to end on a good note, I was moved to a private room today!  This will be my new home for the next little while.

28 WEEKS & Third Trimester!

We've made it this far!  We are officially in the home stretch.  And we reached the 28 week milestone where chance of survival for preemies goes up to 90%. I feel so good about that.  Now onto the 30 week goal, and then 32.  I'm giving myself small goals at this point in time. Even now my goal is to make it through the weekend. That is doable, right?

For an update, things are much better today. After I posted things slowed down a lot. I slept in the afternoon and that helped.  By then I was having mild contractions but they were not regular at all. Even at their peak they had only been up to 50 on the chart.  The chart only goes up to 100 but I think in active labour you get up to 150-200.  After 75, you are in the "danger zone."  

So by dinner, they let me eat!  Let me tell you, it was the greatest thing ever.  Actually they first brought in a cheese sandwich and apple juice and I inhaled them like they were the greatest thing on earth haha!

Then I got dinner and was super full after. I was worried that I had eaten too much because I was very bloated. But they gave me a stool softener, and I finally had a BM around midnight.  I was exhausted from all the activity of the day and asleep by 10pm. I woke up through the night a few times but all in all slept through till morning. I did have some backache/cramping overnight and am discharging brown blood but they said not to worry about it now, as long as the contractions don't come back or I don't start bleeding fresh blood. 

So this morning I finally showered and I feel like a new woman!  Just waiting for breakfast now...mmm!  

I hope to write more about the emotional side of this later on when I'm not on the phone. Keep you posted!

Oh, and here's a bump pic (since I can't update my bump page on here) of me in my cute hospital gown. 

Hospital Day 2: Contractions and dry mouth

So I woke up this morning and before I could enjoy my breakfast (which was great and I was starving!) I started having real contractions.  They hooked me up and sure enough they were regular contractions. Not strong but enough they needed to put a stop to them. 

I was given my second steroid shot for the babies lungs, hooked up to an IV for hydration (food and drink off limit) and given a shot of morphine to slow down the contractions. 

It's 3:00 now and I am still being monitored. If things pick up, it could be an emergency c-section today!  Lets really hope not. As long as I stay still and rest, things seem to be under control.  The worst part is the dry, dry mouth!!!  But I just met a new doctor and she brought me a small cup of ice chips. Best part of the day!!!!!

C'mon babies!  Grow, grow, grow (and stay put). 

Here's my shot of the day. First time on IV. 

Admitted!

Just a quick update on my phone until I have "real" Internet.  This is my new view for the unseeable future as I have been admitted to the hospital. Our specialist ultrasound turned into a all-expenses-paid trip to the antenatal ward at the hospital (3 hours away from our home). Babies are fine and healthy BUT this blood clot is wreaking havoc. It has moved to my cervix and has opened my cervix almost completely!  Plus Baby A is placenta previa, so I am super high risk for premature labour at this point.  This is the only hospital on-island that can handle preemie twins so unless things change, I am here to stay.  I am 2 days shy of 28 weeks.   Will update more once I can.  

Thanks for the support!

27 Weeks

Not much has really changed from last week so I thought I'd add some different thoughts on things.

Mood: As mentioned yesterday, meltdowns and anxiety marks this week.  Overall, though, it's really not that bad.

Food: I thought I'd quickly share what a typical day's food looks like for me.  I don't think I've increased or decreased my food intake much throughout this pregnancy.  I was most hungry at the very beginning.  Now I can't eat as much in one sitting, but I eat frequently throughout the day.  So, I think it all works out.

8:00 - Breakfast: Bowl of porridge and piece of toast with peanut butter (On the weekend we often eat later and make a larger brunch of eggs and bacon); Prenatal
10:00 - Morning snack: Crackers and cheese or peanut butter; Coffee; Piece of fruit
12:00 - Lunch: Bagel with cream cheese and cucumber, Piece of fruit, Cookies
3:30/4:00 - Snack: Granola bar and fruit or taco chips with cheese (sometimes I'm super hungry and eat a mini meal)
6:00 - Dinner: Varies (rice, meat, corn, salad, potatoes)
7:00 - Dessert: My sweet tooth has picked up lately - cookies, or ice cream
10:00 - Before bed snack: Cereal and milk

I do drink a variety of other drinks (mostly juice) throughout the day and tons of water!  But overall, I think that is reasonable, right? 

Sleep: I feel like I am super fortunate as I read other people's stories about difficulty sleeping at night (knock on wood!).  I am sure it will only get worse from here, but I have been sleeping very well.  I go to bed at 10:30 and usually wake up once at 1:30am to pee, and then I sleep right through the night till my alarm at 7:30.  It's awesome!  Some nights it is really hard to get comfortable and I feel like I can't breathe.  Last night I slept on the couch so that it could support my back.  I am just so glad I'm not up every few hours.  I do wake up extremely thirsty and am worried about being dehydrated, but I try to drink a full water bottle after dinner and keep one by my bed that I drink throughout the night.  I usually can't last a full day without an hour nap in the afternoon either.  So, all-in-all that's about 10 hours sleep a day.  On days I don't have to get up early, I can usually get up, pee, eat breakfast, and then go back to bed for a few more hours too.  I just love my sleep!

Exercise: I've really been craving more movement.  I started doing my yoga twice a day sometimes (since they are only 15 minute videos).  I'd love some suggestions on other great gentle prenatal yoga videos available online.  The site I use is www.doyogawithme.com.  It is awesome, but limited for the prenatal videos. 

Body: I decided to start measuring around my belly this week.  Right now it is 43 inches!  Wow!!!  Last I checked I was measuring 34 weeks, so I guess that's about right.  I'm staying strong at 180 pounds this week.  I think it is also almost time to upgrade bra sizes again.  Another thing I haven't talked about much is my good old bowels.  I just thought other pregnant ladies might be interested in this, but feel free to skip ahead if you're not.  Ever since the beginning of this pregnancy I have diarrhea every single morning!  Sometimes 2-3 times!  I was worried at first but it has been such a pattern, and I'm not dehydrated, so my doctor isn't worried.  I chalk it up to some form of pregnancy IBS.  It doesn't seem to matter what I eat.  It usually happens first thing before I've eaten anything (and after I drink coffee, but I just can't stop myself).  I do feel fortunate that I have not had to deal with the other side of things (constipation).  Usually though, I don't have any other BMs throughout the day, so by the end of the day, my tummy is big!  Sometimes it's pretty uncomfortable until the next morning when it finally lets go.  Oh the joys of pregnancy!

Movement: I think these babies are starting to have some patterns to their movement, which I love!  They are definitely most active at night, but there are times throughout the day I feel them moving more.  It is my favorite!  I read that right about now they start to get hiccups frequently too, so I'll try to decipher what that movement might feel like.  I am excited to have our next ultrasound to see what positions they are in.  Most of the movement I feel is very central, right around my belly so I can't tell which twin it is. 

What I miss:
Going for walks, drinking wine, working out, drinking lots of coffee (and not having it make me feel sick), bending over, um, baby dancing?!

What I look forward to: Morning cuddles in bed with the babies, breastfeeding (I'm super curious to see how this all works), going for LONG walks with the twins and the dog (hopefully our winter is not too wet), enjoying coffee again, and, um, baby dancing!

Baby Brain = Anxious Brain

Let me tell you... baby brain is FULL in gear over here!

I'm so glad my official maternity leave starts in just a week.  I'm useless at work.  I make mistakes all the time.  I can't focus.  I have one more article to submit to our local newspaper from my counselling office.  I drafted up a whole page of notes and outlined the whole thing... then I left the piece of paper in a library book that I returned.  Here is the worst part: I can't remember AT ALL what I wrote about.  I have absolutely no idea what topic I had chosen or anything.  Mind you, it was about 2 weeks ago that I did the preliminary work, but STILL!

On top of that, the crazy hormones have kicked into full gear.  I've been having mini meltdowns every day.  Yesterday I cried looking at our budget (How will we make it when I stop working - even with maternity pay?).  Today I cried about friends wanting to come visit us this weekend (Yes I want to see them... but what if I don't feel well?  What if I'm too tired?  What if I am grumpy?).  I cried because I thought I hadn't felt the babies move for a while (DH reminded me that just a few hours previous I was talking about how much they were moving).  I'm sure there are many other trivial examples that I just can't remember right now. All I know is that any problem seems insurmountable right now, and so it makes me cry.

Which brings us to my anxiety about these babies coming.  In a few days we are 27 weeks.  That means these babies will likely be here within 10 weeks...possibly even 8!  8 weeks is 2 months!  2 months people!  I. Am. So. Not. Ready.  As much as I kept saying to people, "I just want to see these babies so badly... they could come at any time and we would make it work" - it's not true anymore!  We are not ready.  Stay in there babies, stay in there!

We still have done ZERO in the nursery.  We are awaiting our wallpaper to arrive (which has been an ordeal in itself) before we paint.  We are waiting to set up any furniture until we paint.  We are waiting to fill any furniture (bedding, clothes, etc.) until we set up the furniture.  So basically nothing is actually done.  I have barely bought any baby clothes!  People keep telling me, "Don't buy anything.  You will be given soooo much stuff."  Well, let's see it people!  I know we have two bigger showers coming up soon, so I am sure that is true, but I feel so unprepared right now.  I can't even pack a hospital bag because I don't have enough outfits for the babies.   I am trying to get other things organized in the house, and plan out meals to freeze, etc. BUT this baby brain is not making that an easy task!  Pretty much all I am good for is lying on the couch, doing nothing!

Then there is the thought of actual labour and birthing these babies.  Even if I don't experience labour, I know nothing of all the decisions to be made when a baby is born.  I'm hoping that will be covered in our L&D classes.  Still, I feel so unprepared for all of it.  We don't know what we are doing!

I know it will be okay.  We will have people helping us out.  Things will get done.  BUT my brain won't rest assured until these things actually happen.  (Also, in the back of my mind is the worry that I will be put in the hospital early too... how do you deal with all these things from a hospital bed???).

So, here is what I AM going to do to give myself some peace about it all
- Tomorrow I will stay home and hopefully have a planning/organizing day (come on brain, work with me!)
- I will find an old college paper to hopefully draw from in order to write a newspaper article
- I will start to keep a pen and paper beside me at all times to write down my thoughts as they come, because otherwise I just won't remember
- I will prepare an online order for some essentials and save it until next payday
- I will look at birth plan ideas to start familiarizing myself with questions and decisions to be made
- I will set out some books I have on caring for babies after they arrive (breastfeeding, sleeping, etc.) to hopefully start to browse through and prepare myself
- I will book an appointment with my naturopthic doctor to discuss how she can support us once the babies come (breastfeeding, immunization information, etc.)
- I will book myself a pedicure and hair cut in the near future
- I will go for my afternoon prenatal massage tomorrow and let all my worries melt away

Sound good?

New blog question

I finally did it! I started a new blog. Now, before I officially make it "live" and start handing out the link, I have some questions for you. The thing is, I still want to keep this blog on the down low. This has been my venting area, and while I have told some friends about it, I have not widely advertised it. It is, by no means, that I am ashamed, but there are some topics of discussion here that could be uncomfortable for others in my life to read about. That being said, if any of my friends came across it, and wanted to read, I would not have a problem with them doing so. However, if possible, I would like to keep this blog separate from my new blog. The only way that I can see how to do that in blogger, is to not make this blog visible from my profile. The fact is, though, this blog still exists in blogger land, and is now linked to my name. So I guess it theoretically is possible for readers from my new blog to come across it, if they googled my name, or if they happened to click on any of you (my followers) and found my name linked with your blog (either in a comment, or in a list of blogs on your page). So, I am not sure what to do from here. Do I make this blog completely private (not an option I really want, as I still would love this to be accessible to other bloggers struggling with infertility who have not come across it yet)? Do I limit the readers to only other blog writers (thereby limiting the random blog searchers out there who only read and do not write themselves)? Do I go through my hundreds of posts and privatize the super sensitive ones (that seems like a lot of work, though I am on bed rest and it's possible)? Could I create a new blog profile and somehow switch this blog to that profile for more of a secret identity? Or do you have any other suggestions??? I'd love to hear how some of you have handled this type of thing, and if you have anything to say about what options I might be missing.

Glucose test and Perinatology Referral

I just had my OB appointment, following my testing and.... I PASSED!  No gestational diabetes for me. 

Also, my hemoglobin is apparently pretty great (132).  I didn't ask my ferritin level, which has traditionally been low, but I figure she would have mentioned if something was off.  Blood pressure and babies heartbeats were fine, as usual.  And, I am measuring (drum roll please)...  34 weeks large!  That's almost full-term!  I had mentioned a bit about the aches and pains I was feeling this past week, and she said that was the reason why.  She also said that I have tight muscles and skin on my belly, which is why I might feel the pressure of expanding babies more than others. 

From now on, I will see her every 2 weeks until the last two months, when visits will be weekly.  I will also have growth scans every 3-4 weeks.  Which brings me to my next point... I have been referred to the perinatologist for my next growth scan.  My OB said that the technicians in our small town are good, but she would feel more comfortable having an expert look at Baby A's placenta and the hematoma to find out what is really going on.  She said she felt uncomfortable at this point in the game not knowing, and they will be able to help us decide whether c-section is necessary, and help assess the risk of pre-term labour or hemmoraging.  If there is risk, she talked about admitting me to a full-care facility for tertiary care until the babies arrive.  Wow!  I have been aware that is a possibility, but I'm not going to worry about it until we do have more information.  So, hopefully within the next week or two, I will make the 3-hour trek to the next big city for an ultrasound and a consultation immediately following. 

I feel grateful that I am in good hands, and that my doctor is ensuring I receive the proper care.  Meanwhile, I have completed my hours for maternity leave, and applied for funding today.  I have another week or two filling in at our church office till the receptionist is back from holidays, and then I'll be fully on medical maternity leave.  Holy moley!  I don't know what else I'll do to keep myself busy once September hits, but I'm open to suggestions...

26 Weeks

(I'm sharing this post a day early, since I already typed it out and not much will change between tonight and tomorrow morning)

Apart from our little get-away on the weekend, this has been a tough week.  I just didn't feel well all week long.  I have an appointment with my OB later, so maybe that may uncover something - or else it's just general aches and pains of pregnancy.  My update may sound a bit whiny, but I just want to convey both the easy and the difficult parts of being pregnant.  Overall, I am so super excited to meet these babies... just this week was tough.

Mood: This week I was a bit up and down emotionally.  A few times I just had an uncontrollable urge to cry for no reason.  I haven't been super weepy throughout this pregnancy and that has surprised me, since when I was TTC (especially during clomid time), I was a mess.  This week I felt a bit defeated by the aches and pains of pregnancy, wondering how I will make it 12 more weeks. 

Food: Back to my first trimester food aversions.  I have to force myself to eat meat again, yuck!  I know I need the protein right now too, so that is hard.  Also, it seems like everything is making me feel sick.  I am hungry and need to eat, and then I feel sick, but then I am hungry again.  It's a vicious cycle!  On the plus, I have been craving lots of vegetables.  I find out the results from my 1-hour glucose test later on, so I have been a bit more conscious of how much sugar I am intaking these days.

Sleep: I'm still super tired all the time but sleeping at night has become difficult.  I need to support myself with mountains of pillows.  Rolling over is hard and painful sometimes.  I've had a lot of pelvic and back pain, and also been short of breath.  I think the babies are just in a funny position right now that does not make it easy for me to sleep.  Fortunately, I've been having 1-2 hour naps every afternoon and that seems to get me through. 

Exercise: I think my body is going into protest from NOT exercising for so long.  I have this feeling I'd feel way better if I was able to exercise. 

Body: Ugh, where do I start?  As I mentioned, the pelvic and back pain has been worse, so much so that last week I could barely walk around the house.  I've felt breathless often when lying down (and I'm getting so sick of only sleeping on my left side).  I think my belly is just super heavy.  I knelt down on my knees to do something the other day, and I couldn't get up on my own - I had to use the table to pull myself up.  That was different!  My weight is still creeping up and I've crossed the 180 line (yikes!).  Hope these babies are reaping the benefits of it!  This week I just feel big.  I no longer just have a cute pregnant belly - but my whole body is a pregnant body now.  It kind of makes me want to stay home and just be a frump.  I have a few more stretch marks becoming prominent.  Oh, and my boobs are back to growing (and burning!).  Wow, this pregnancy thing is one continual change after another! 

Movement: This week the movement slightly changed.  It's not as much kicks and punches, as it is like something wriggling around inside my belly.  For the first time on the weekend, DH and I SAW my belly move!  That has been happening more and more frequently.  It's weird and cool at the same time.  As always, it's Baby A we see... Baby B is tucked away, though I have been feeling him/her more lately.  

Notable Moments: 
- Getting away for a short "babymoon" chillcation!
- Seeing my belly move with the babies
- Started packing my hospital bag (a post will follow on this!)
- Being blessed by the ladies in our church who brought by a stack of freezer meals for us to use on those busy/difficult to cook days
- It RAINED for the first time in what seems like months here.  Normally I complain about how much rain we get, but this rain made me feel like fall is coming.  And fall brings us closer to the day we get to meet these precious little ones.  Also it was nice to have a break from the heat!

So, there's my week!

Babymoon "Chillcation"

We just came back from a night away!  Since I've been on bed rest, our grand intentions of doing one last trip late August/September, have been dashed.  We don't really have the money for something extravagant anyways (I had been thinking San Francisco, or even Seattle), so the decision was not too disappointing.  Still, I wanted to do something small just the two of us. 

One night away was really not enough, but we made the best of it, and it will do for now.  Maybe we'll have a chance to sneak away for a weekend later on.  For now, we decided to just head 45 minutes away to the tourist seaside town of Parksville.  We stayed at an older resort on the ocean.  Since I couldn't really beachcomb, we brought the wheelchair and DH pushed me around the perimeter of the grounds (and through a gravel path to the beach lookout - not the best idea, haha).  We ate dinner overlooking the ocean as the sunset.  We spent a lot of time just sleeping and lazing in the king size bed.  Then today we headed to Coombs, which is a cheesy tourist attraction with goats that live on the roof of a market.  Again DH pushed me around and we bought some fun toys and decor for the nursery.  Then we headed home.  It was lovely and just what we needed for a little pick-me-up refresher for now. 

Here are some pictures to enjoy from our trip! 

Grabbing a coffee (and showing off 25week belly)

Resort by the by, complete with kayaks and canoes (we didn't use this time)

Resort room (with a jacuzzi tub in the bathroom)

My trusty steed

View of the bay

Chillin'

Coffee and breakfast

Coombs - Goats on the Roof (you can sort of make them out but they are tiny)

Inside the market

Toy purchases

The find of the day - for the nursery :)

I really wanted to get a picture of DH and I together, but since we were alone for the most part, we didn't think of it.  But there is a snapshot of our time away!


P.S. I'm working on setting up a new blog!  I'm stuck thinking of the right name for it, but I hope to get it up and running soon.  I still will continue to blog about infertility here, but for a while I've wanted to start another blog to share with friends and family about life here on Vancouver Island.  I'll keep you posted.

Spoke too soon...a Venting post

I woke up today to more bleeding.  I am guessing I overdid it yesterday (having a great day).  Sigh.  I'm not actually worried.  The blood was old, and once it was out the bleeding slowed right down.  Today is a take-it-very-easy day.

I am, however, just feeling frustrated, and need to vent.  I'm frustrated at my lack of control.  Not even about the babies or my body, but just about my house!  Now I am a homebody and I love my home.  I love doing things for my home - cleaning, decorating, baking, in general, homemaking.  I love doing these things on my time and in my way.   I've had to relinquish so much control over these things, and today it is just bugging me.  If it were me, today, we have a whole day at home and I'd be doing some weeding in the garden, vacuuming the floors, watering the plants, doing laundry, and various other household tasks.  I love puttering around like that.  I might go to the farm market and pick up some fresh veggies to make a delicious dinner.  I would pour my energy and love into this home because that is what makes me happy.

Instead, I lie on the couch, numbing my mind with the internet, while DH is watching TV.  He is more than willing to help do the necessities (cook dinner, walk the dog, etc.), but the extra "puttering" he does not see as important.  Yet it is what brings me sanity!  I know I can't put this on him as an expectation.  Even if he did these tasks, it wouldn't bring me the satisfaction of doing them myself. 

So today I feel like I am losing my sanity.  I want to lash out, but I know DH has done nothing essentially wrong.  I am just frustrated and feel like I am about to lose it, and can't wait until I have the ability to do the things that make me happy.  To go for walks alone.  To clean the house to my standards.  To putter away to my heart's desire. 

25 Weeks and going strong!

I can't believe 25 weeks is here.  The time just keeps ticking by!  Now that I have calmed down a bit, I am enjoying life more and trying to embrace the summer the best I can, even while on bed rest.  To show you what I mean, check this out.

DH bought me a kiddie pool this week so that I can lounge around in our backyard and stay cool (it's been hot, hot, hot around here!).  Unfortunately my dog claimed the pool before I could get in, but I'll try to keep her out as much as possible (she tracks dirt and dust from the yard right in).  I also picked up a snazzy wheelchair from our local Red Cross (I'll post a pic later - forgot to get one).  Last night my mom took me to Target and I did a nice big shop stocking up on supplies that are just hard to send a man to get (make-up remover, lotion, pads, etc.).  It was great to be out and about for the first time in 3 weeks (apart from sitting in the car while DH does errands for me).  I also finally started the second quilt for the babies.  Here's a sneak peek!

Other than that, just a normal week around here!  Oh, we did have a colossal failure with our plumbing over the weekend, just before friends arrived in town.  It was a long weekend so the plumbing companies were charging double time and a half, so the 5 of us (and the dog) moved into my parents house since we couldn't use any running water.  Fortunately, that got taken care of right away on Tuesday.  

Here's my weekly update for all those interested in seeing.

Mood: Since my doctor's appointment last Monday, I have been feeling SOOOO much better!  Not an ounce of anxiety, and I have actually been able to just enjoy my week and life again without worrying all the time.

Food: This week I have all of a sudden lost the desire to eat again.  Sure, I am hungry, but absolutely nothing seems appealing!  I'm trying to keep up the calories.  Dr. Luke's book says that I need to gain another 13-15lbs in the next 3 weeks, but that is a lofty goal.  I've hovered around the last 5lbs gained for quite a few weeks now.  I tried to limit my sugar too, as I had my gestational diabetes screen this week, but somehow sugary foods seem to be what I am gravitating to (though they don't always make me feel good afterwards).  I've been thirsty like crazy in this heat, so trying to drink up lots too.  I'll have to start taking my Ensure drinks again to boost up calorie intake.

Sleep: Sleeping like a baby!  I've only been waking up once in the night to pee (hallelujah!) but even then I have to force myself up because I am so. freaking. tired.  I can't get by a whole day without a nap sometime in the middle.

Exercise: Even though I can't exercise, I am doing a 20-minute yoga video (found here) every night before bed.  This really helps me unwind from the day and loosen up.  I think that contributes to having a great night's sleep!

Body: No new aches and pains to report.  I've had a few more small stretch marks on the side of my belly.  Some days I have pretty bad ligament pain, and other days it is fine.  I do notice it more after the times that I have pushed myself too much (walked around too much, done a lot of bending over, etc.) so I just try to take it easy and it usually goes away.  I've been trying to figure out if I have braxton hicks, but I really don't know.  It's usually only if I'm walking too much, or in cold water that my stomach seems to harden up.  I don't really think I get them otherwise.  When are they supposed to start again?  I do feel like my hips and thighs are starting to get huge.  So much that if I wear a skirt without tights, I am in trouble with this heat (chafing).  My doctor actually prescribed me some cream due to a bit of a heat rash I have developed down there (sorry for TMI).  Just saying...

Movement:  The past few days the babies are starting to be more active throughout the day.  I've had a few good jabs that have startled me.  I love feeling them move! 

What I miss: Going for walks in the cool evenings, drinking wine, eating sushi, going to the gym... but I'll be sure to catch up on all of that in a few months.  Keeping these babies settled and healthy right now is good enough for me!

Notable Moments: I was lucky enough to get the experience of drinking the sickly sweet orange beverage for my gestational diabetes screen this week.  Honestly, it really wasn't that bad.  I pretended I was a kid again, drinking that orange McDonald's drink (remember that stuff?).  It was super cold, so that probably helped a lot.  We'll get my results at my next appointment. 

Oh, and check out the bump pics for a limited release photo of me in a bikini with my baby bump!

Anxieties relieved

I'm feeling much better today.  I had a better sleep last night, and then ended up seeing my doctor today after calling the clinic to report what I was experiencing.  My OB is great.  I just can't say enough good things.  She said I was right to come in, and she went right to work checking me out.  My blood pressure was alright (systolic was a bit high, which she said was due to my anxiety), the heart beats were great, my uterus was soft, and my cervix was long and closed with no signs of bleeding (she didn't do a full internal check, but had a peek to see).  She really thinks it is just a combination of ligament pain in the area where the placenta and Baby A are putting pressure.  She talked about what it would be like if the placenta was detaching (cramping, contractions, a lot more pain, hard uterus that doesn't go away).  She again said that she didn't think I needed to be in the hospital at this point, and she feels confident that things are as they should be (despite the hematoma).

She then gave me a huge pep talk about how I am doing a great job taking it easy and taking care of these babes.  She said that this is a high risk situation and that the next 4 weeks are critical for me to stay calm and take care.  I shouldn't worry about appearing like a "neurotic mom" who calls the clinic at every little sign.  My job is to take care of these babies right now, and her job (as well as the other doctors and nurses on the team) is to tell me if I am worrying too much, or if my worries are unwarranted.  They know what is safe/unsafe and they will tell me when/if they think something is wrong that I need to worry about.  She said she was really glad that I came in for reassurance today, and if that is what I need to do, it is just fine! 

I love her!  It was just what I needed.  I also picked up a requisition to for a wheelchair so I can pop around and do a bit of shopping.  I feel so much better and am glad I called to check in. 

Hematoma anxieties

This week I have had trouble sleeping, worrying about the possibilities that could go wrong with this pregnancy.  I've also had a bit of increasing pain around the area where the clot is, and I'm getting scared that the placenta is starting to detach.  I have no idea what placental abruption feels like, but now that I know the pain is in the same place as the clot, I am worrying.

I think part of this anxiety is seeing how worried my parents are, particularly my dad.  My mom had some complications with her pregnancies that are similar.  With me, she had placenta previa, and went into early labour at 34 weeks due to partial placenta detachment.  With my brother, it was much more severe.  She had on and off bleeding throughout the pregnancy and was going to be put on hospital bed rest for the last three months.  While she was in the hospital for a routine check-up at 31 weeks, her placenta suddenly completely detached.  She fainted and had to be brought in for an emergency c-section right away!  She doesn't know why the placenta detached, but it could have been due to a SCH as well.  My brother was in the hospital for nearly 3 months, with lots of complications and barely made it.  Also my mom was put at risk due to the loss of blood and had to have a transfusion.  All in all, a scary time.  My dad remembers it vividly and doesn't want me to go through the same thing (and neither do I!).  I am worried about having a huge bleed while I am alone, or even at any point in time.  I am worried that our hospital does not have an NICU, or a neonatal team... what if it the babies come early and don't get the help they need?  I've even wondered if I can voluntarily put myself on hospital bed rest and be transferred to Vancouver...

I have been taking it much more easy this past week (if that is possible).  I think I will ask my Dr. for another ultrasound at my next appointment.  I don't know if they will be able to tell, but I really want to know if this hematoma IS affecting Baby A's placenta or not.  That would put me much more at ease.  Other than that, I don't know what to do.  I don't know how to get rid of these anxieties.  I don't even know if they are valid worries or not.  But I just needed to share.

24 Weeks = Viability!

We've reached the long-awaited milestone: viability!  Though I know we are far from in-the-clear, this is an accomplishment and right now I'll take it.  Here's a quick recap of where I'm at:

Mood: Up and down due to the circumstances going on right now.

Food: Same old, same old.  I am finding it harder to eat as much at meals.  My dinner is pretty small most days, but I do snack before bed to keep myself from waking up in the night.

Sleep: I'm starting to wake up more frequently to pee, but otherwise sleeping like a baby.

Exercise: Took it pretty easy this week.  I did a few yoga stretches each day, but that is it.

Body: What can I say?  I am pregnant, no doubt about it!  I do feel fortunate that so far, I haven't had other crazy pregnancy woes like super sore back, heartburn, or other aches and pains.  I'm sure those will come in time!  There were a few days where Baby B seemed to be up higher than normal and I had indigestion and more nausea.  Now he/she has moved again, so it's not as bad.  Measured 30cm at my last check!

Movement: I'm starting to feel it more and more each week.  I can't wait till I can actually SEE the movement from the outside!  Last night Baby A was sooo active and gave DH the hugest kick I have felt this far.  It was awesome!

Notable Moments: 
- The best part of this week was finding out how big these babies are getting.  It makes it seem more real that there will actually be babies to take home.  
- We got our cribs!  We aren't setting them up yet, but they are in our garage ready to go.
- This week my brother, and his family are in town.  They have a 2-year old, and a 3-month old.  It has been nice seeing them, watching their parenting style (they are great parents!), and anticipating the fun our kids will have playing together when they are older.  I still can't believe that between my siblings and I, we will have 5 kids under the age of 3 by the end of this year!  That is going to make for some fun family get-togethers down the road.

Well, I'm off to enjoy the final moments with family and then cuddle up with a movie tonight.  I took some pictures this week, and I may post some of them later, but definitely will post a bump update once I get organized!  It's a long weekend here.  Unfortunately, I won't be taking in many of the festivities around this area but we have some friends coming to visit and I'm looking forward to chilling' summer style! 

Ultrasound and OB VIsit

We had another ultrasound on Monday to check on the hematoma, and it was pretty uneventful. I must say, I'm slightly jealous of you bloggers who get to see your babies every check-up.  Our hospital has a policy that after the 18-week growth scan, they don't have time to show you the babies at subsequent visits.  So, basically I had a one hour nap while they did their thing.  The babies were moving like crazy - again, Baby B much more than Baby A.  Also, Baby B had flipped and is head up.  I thought that was cool, only because a few days ago I said to DH that I thought I was feeling kicks down low and wondered if he/she had flipped.  I was right!

We had to wait till today to see our OB and hear about the results.  The news was not-so-good.  The u/s technicians couldn't get a good look at Baby A's placenta because it is still being blocked by the hematoma.  Despite the bleeding I had last Thursday, the hematoma has grown to 6x7cm (from 5x4 the week prior).  They are finding it hard to distinguish between the placenta and the extra blood clot, but are guessing that it is also possible placenta previa for Baby A.  There is nothing that can really be done, except wait to see what happens.  Hopefully the placenta will move up, the hematoma won't get in the way or cause problems.  It makes it more likely that I will need a c-section for birth.  And it puts me at even greater risk for Pprom, placental abruption, and pre-term labour.  Hooray....

My doctor talked about the kind of birth options we have (maybe I'll write about that separately), and the procedure in case of emergency.  We live in a small town with a community hospital, so options here are quite limited.  In case of pre-term birth, they actually helicopter over a team of neonatal doctors/nurses from Vancouver and fly you back there WITH the team.  Pretty crazy!  We are just praying and hoping that will not be necessary.  Since there is not much that can be done, we just have to wait and continue to take it easy.  I asked more about bed rest and what I can and can't do, and basically she told me that there is no actual evidence that bed rest helps stop pre-term labour or the complications I am facing.  It is just something you can do to make sure that you don't overdo it and give your body the best chance to carry the babies to term.  So, I will continue on as is... modified bed rest, able to work a bit at the office but resting and taking it easy whenever I can.  She did specify that we are to have no sex (duh!), no vacuuming, carrying laundry, etc.  I am able to do small walks (if up for it), swim (or float) in the ocean, lake or river, and putter around the house, as long as I don't find myself contracting too much, or in pain, or showing any signs of pre-term labour. 

And the babies - they are just great!  She listened to the heart beats and we all burst out laughing because there was such distinction between Baby A and Baby B, and Baby B was super fast (as always!).  She also said that Baby B was slightly bigger than Baby A, at 671g, as opposed to 634g, which isn't a problem at this point in time.  That puts them at 1lb, 7,6oz and 1lb, 6.3oz.  I think that is a great size for this far along, so I am pretty pleased.  Next up I have my glucose screening test, more bloodwork, and another visit in 2 weeks.

Tomorrow is a big day... viability!  I'll post a happy update then.