I woke up today to more bleeding. I am guessing I overdid it yesterday (having a great day). Sigh. I'm not actually worried. The blood was old, and once it was out the bleeding slowed right down. Today is a take-it-very-easy day.
I am, however, just feeling frustrated, and need to vent. I'm frustrated at my lack of control. Not even about the babies or my body, but just about my house! Now I am a homebody and I love my home. I love doing things for my home - cleaning, decorating, baking, in general, homemaking. I love doing these things on my time and in my way. I've had to relinquish so much control over these things, and today it is just bugging me. If it were me, today, we have a whole day at home and I'd be doing some weeding in the garden, vacuuming the floors, watering the plants, doing laundry, and various other household tasks. I love puttering around like that. I might go to the farm market and pick up some fresh veggies to make a delicious dinner. I would pour my energy and love into this home because that is what makes me happy.
Instead, I lie on the couch, numbing my mind with the internet, while DH is watching TV. He is more than willing to help do the necessities (cook dinner, walk the dog, etc.), but the extra "puttering" he does not see as important. Yet it is what brings me sanity! I know I can't put this on him as an expectation. Even if he did these tasks, it wouldn't bring me the satisfaction of doing them myself.
So today I feel like I am losing my sanity. I want to lash out, but I know DH has done nothing essentially wrong. I am just frustrated and feel like I am about to lose it, and can't wait until I have the ability to do the things that make me happy. To go for walks alone. To clean the house to my standards. To putter away to my heart's desire.
Bed rest is so hard, even if it's just modified bed rest. It's hard not to be able to do things, even though you know you are physically able to do them but you can't for the health of the babies.
ReplyDeleteHope you get some good rest this weekend sweet girl!
ReplyDeleteOH honey, I so hear you...my husband is the same way. Just doesn't see it as important to keep the house clean even though it makes me nuts to have a messy house. And the control thing was really hard...I hated letting go of it....Here's hoping some rest will get you back on your feet so you can get back to your normal! Take care of you and those babies....
ReplyDelete