Baby Brain = Anxious Brain

Let me tell you... baby brain is FULL in gear over here!

I'm so glad my official maternity leave starts in just a week.  I'm useless at work.  I make mistakes all the time.  I can't focus.  I have one more article to submit to our local newspaper from my counselling office.  I drafted up a whole page of notes and outlined the whole thing... then I left the piece of paper in a library book that I returned.  Here is the worst part: I can't remember AT ALL what I wrote about.  I have absolutely no idea what topic I had chosen or anything.  Mind you, it was about 2 weeks ago that I did the preliminary work, but STILL!

On top of that, the crazy hormones have kicked into full gear.  I've been having mini meltdowns every day.  Yesterday I cried looking at our budget (How will we make it when I stop working - even with maternity pay?).  Today I cried about friends wanting to come visit us this weekend (Yes I want to see them... but what if I don't feel well?  What if I'm too tired?  What if I am grumpy?).  I cried because I thought I hadn't felt the babies move for a while (DH reminded me that just a few hours previous I was talking about how much they were moving).  I'm sure there are many other trivial examples that I just can't remember right now. All I know is that any problem seems insurmountable right now, and so it makes me cry.

Which brings us to my anxiety about these babies coming.  In a few days we are 27 weeks.  That means these babies will likely be here within 10 weeks...possibly even 8!  8 weeks is 2 months!  2 months people!  I. Am. So. Not. Ready.  As much as I kept saying to people, "I just want to see these babies so badly... they could come at any time and we would make it work" - it's not true anymore!  We are not ready.  Stay in there babies, stay in there!

We still have done ZERO in the nursery.  We are awaiting our wallpaper to arrive (which has been an ordeal in itself) before we paint.  We are waiting to set up any furniture until we paint.  We are waiting to fill any furniture (bedding, clothes, etc.) until we set up the furniture.  So basically nothing is actually done.  I have barely bought any baby clothes!  People keep telling me, "Don't buy anything.  You will be given soooo much stuff."  Well, let's see it people!  I know we have two bigger showers coming up soon, so I am sure that is true, but I feel so unprepared right now.  I can't even pack a hospital bag because I don't have enough outfits for the babies.   I am trying to get other things organized in the house, and plan out meals to freeze, etc. BUT this baby brain is not making that an easy task!  Pretty much all I am good for is lying on the couch, doing nothing!

Then there is the thought of actual labour and birthing these babies.  Even if I don't experience labour, I know nothing of all the decisions to be made when a baby is born.  I'm hoping that will be covered in our L&D classes.  Still, I feel so unprepared for all of it.  We don't know what we are doing!

I know it will be okay.  We will have people helping us out.  Things will get done.  BUT my brain won't rest assured until these things actually happen.  (Also, in the back of my mind is the worry that I will be put in the hospital early too... how do you deal with all these things from a hospital bed???).

So, here is what I AM going to do to give myself some peace about it all
- Tomorrow I will stay home and hopefully have a planning/organizing day (come on brain, work with me!)
- I will find an old college paper to hopefully draw from in order to write a newspaper article
- I will start to keep a pen and paper beside me at all times to write down my thoughts as they come, because otherwise I just won't remember
- I will prepare an online order for some essentials and save it until next payday
- I will look at birth plan ideas to start familiarizing myself with questions and decisions to be made
- I will set out some books I have on caring for babies after they arrive (breastfeeding, sleeping, etc.) to hopefully start to browse through and prepare myself
- I will book an appointment with my naturopthic doctor to discuss how she can support us once the babies come (breastfeeding, immunization information, etc.)
- I will book myself a pedicure and hair cut in the near future
- I will go for my afternoon prenatal massage tomorrow and let all my worries melt away

Sound good?