My New Normal

Lately I keep finding myself wondering when life will return to "normal"... and then I realize this IS my new normal.  I think that any transition to parenthood feels this way, but I would venture to guess that parenting multiples highlights this in an extreme way. 

When I used to dream of being pregnant and having a baby, I naively thought it wouldn't change our lives that much.  I mean, I knew our lives would change, but I thought we would continue to be the people we were and do the same things we did, just with an addition of a baby.  I've watched friends post their photos on Facebook of eating out in restaurants, of having tons of people over for parties, of going camping or away on family vacation, all with their new baby in tow.  Though their lives had dramatically changed, they still were able to live the live they led prior to kids.  I always imagined that would be me.  In fact, it was a priority I was willing and ready to fight for.

In reality, though, that's not the way my life is right now.  Having twins has changed everything for me.  It's not that doing those things is impossible with twins; but I do think there is double the amount of effort (and risk) involved in bringing two babies along - especially if I am on my own.  One set of hands for two babies just doesn't cut it in all these situations.  I still live in fear of what if they both wake up and start screaming while in public.  One baby is difficult enough to manage, but two is literally impossible!  One baby would always be crying, and I guess I'm not ready to face that situation in public.

And more than that, I realize that I have had to change myself in order to adapt to this new life.  Which is fine.  For one thing, I am a home body.  I love my home.  I love being home with my boys.  I am okay not to have people over as frequently as we did.  I don't mind wearing comfy clothes all day, though I do try to get out of the house even for just a walk every few days.  This part of parenting multiples is okay by me.

There are, though, many changes that I did not anticipate in becoming a parent.  I didn't realize that taking even a 5 minute shower would become a coveted event... and a bubble bath - well that's just unheard of.  I didn't think that I would never be able to eat a meal in peace, and would have to scarf down my food as quick as possible, or learn to eat with a baby in my lap.  I didn't know that I would never have clean clothes because they are always marked with spit-up (okay these are just trivial examples, but still!).  I didn't anticipate that every single decision I make would make me consider the impact on my babies before thinking of myself.  I didn't realize that my relationship with DH would become a challenge to upkeep, simply due to the lack of time and energy we have for one another.  I didn't know that becoming a parent would change ME so very drastically.

I am still getting used to my "new normal" in my life with twins.  Sometimes I treasure it, and sometimes I struggle to accept it.  I somehow keep expecting that once we reach a point, things are magically going to go back to how they were before, except that we'll have two precious babies along.  That's not exactly how change works.  So right now, I am learning to embrace my new normal, and to stop waiting for life to return to its previous pace.  I wouldn't want to go back anyways. 

4 Month Review

We are snowed in today, and my sis and bro-in-law are visiting so I have freer hands and finally a chance to update.  So here goes, as quickly as I can, until the babes need to eat again.

Four Months

This month went by in a whirr!  I’m a week late in writing and I honestly can’t remember what has gone on this month.  We have seen a lot of changes in the boys, but it is hard to pick out specific details as things happen so quickly.

Eat/Sleep

Eating was a challenge this last little while.  MJ went through a growth spurt and was eating like CRAZY!  He now weighs at least 14lbs.  RJ has been very difficult with his feedings.  We haven’t been able to identify the cause of the problem (thrush, stuffy nose, bottle preference, distractibility, ear infection), but he is super picky about eating.  The conditions have to be absolutely perfect in order for him to focus and actually eat something.  He is finicky on breast and only lasts 5-10 minutes most days.  His bottles range from 60-140mLs depending on his mood.  MJ is consistently breastfeeding 15-20 minutes (sometimes 30-40) and drinking 120-160mLs.  At his last weigh-in, RJ was 11lb,8oz.  The boys are wearing 3-6 month clothing (MJ wears some 6 month outfits) and in size 1-2 diapers (1 is a bit tight but can do sometimes).  

Sleep has been hit and miss.  Since his growth spurt, MJ has been doing much better!  He normally wakes up once, and sometimes twice a night.  For the first time just after turning 4 months he slept 12 hours, straight through the night!  RJ normally sleeps well right after his bath (4-5 hours) and then is up every 3 hours after that, so usually 3 times per night.  The boys typically wake up between 7:30-8:00am and go to bed at the same time at night.  We try to do 3 naps per day and rely on the walk or drive for the long nap of the day.  

Play

The boys are so much more interactive now.  They both talk a lot.  MJ coos like crazy, and RJ just makes the loudest squaks and squeaks.  They often “talk” to one another in the morning.  Other than that, they aren’t too aware of each other’s presence, except when tandem nursing - they like to touch and hold hands.  It is super cute.  They love to lay on their pay mat and try to grab at the toys.  They can hold on pretty well, when they are not moving so much.  They both kick their legs a lot.  We are practicing rolling over with them but they are not quite ready for it.  MJ tries to sit himself up whenever he is propped back.  They both can hold their necks more steady (MJ more than RJ) and practice tummy time every day.  Once a week we go to Preemie Group at the Infant Development Center.  It is a lot of stimulation but they enjoy the toys and the play there.  They both suck on their hands and are just starting to “look” at them.  

Events

This month has been pretty busy just doing normal life.  We have gotten out to church more frequently, and go to group once a week.  Those are the most consistent activities of the week.  Other than that we try to do daily walks when it’s not raining/snowing.  A few times we have met with friends with other twins for walks too.  The routine to our day is great and I am slowly gaining a bit more time to myself (though I don't expect that to last long). 

All in all, I really love this stage the best so far (apart from the feeding woes) and continue to look forward to what is next. 

4 Months!

I'm two days late here, but stopped by to say that these boys are FOUR MONTHS old. Holy moly!   I hope to post more of an update soon, but for now, here they are. 

Upstrides

Thought I'd check in and say hello here.  My, this last little bit has gone by quickly! 

Today we are celebrating "Family Day" in B.C. and woke up this morning to a fresh dump of snow (we don't get a lot of snow), so it's a nice day to cuddle up inside.  Here's a picture of the boys doing just that thing!

We are one week away from their 4-month birthday (can you believe it?!?!) so I'll give an official update next week.  As for what I wrote about last post (thrush, nursing strike, and sugar fast), things are somewhat improved, but not completely.  The thrush is a bit better, but I still see signs of it in RJ's mouth.  He started to get better at nursing, and then stopped again completely for a day, but the last two days have been good again.  He only nurses a few minutes at a time, though, so we are working on making sure he is getting enough hind milk.  I did eliminate a lot of sugar, but I have sort of crept back to it the past few days.  It's so tough when it is one of the main vices that keeps me going on those tough days.  It's been a tough week with him not nursing well.  There have been tears, and fights, and hard nights, but we're getting through.  Hopefully it just keeps on improving from here-on in. 

We have been making it out more often, going to the Preemie mom's group, and church, and the occasional social event.  I have had people over here more often, as that is much easier.  We've got a really good bedtime routine going, so going out in the evenings hasn't happened since we don't want to mess things up.  I do hope I can convince my parents to come and put the boys to bed sometime this week so DH and I can go on an actual date (good timing with V-day on the way). 

Otherwise, we are just plugging through.  My days are so baby-focused, and it can seem like a blur of the same thing over and over again, but I am trying my best to see this as my life now.  What I mean is that I want to continue to be me, and to enjoy things and not get so caught up in the monotony of the day-to-day work with twin babies.  I really do love this stage. As much as it is hard work, I love being home with my boys.  I am slowly gaining a bit more freedom and ability to do the things I love again (going for walks/runs, blogging, hopefully crafting a bit more soon too).  In fact, I've been out every day except for one last week for a walk or run (and lost 6lbs since Christmas!).  It feels so good!