My New Normal

Lately I keep finding myself wondering when life will return to "normal"... and then I realize this IS my new normal.  I think that any transition to parenthood feels this way, but I would venture to guess that parenting multiples highlights this in an extreme way. 

When I used to dream of being pregnant and having a baby, I naively thought it wouldn't change our lives that much.  I mean, I knew our lives would change, but I thought we would continue to be the people we were and do the same things we did, just with an addition of a baby.  I've watched friends post their photos on Facebook of eating out in restaurants, of having tons of people over for parties, of going camping or away on family vacation, all with their new baby in tow.  Though their lives had dramatically changed, they still were able to live the live they led prior to kids.  I always imagined that would be me.  In fact, it was a priority I was willing and ready to fight for.

In reality, though, that's not the way my life is right now.  Having twins has changed everything for me.  It's not that doing those things is impossible with twins; but I do think there is double the amount of effort (and risk) involved in bringing two babies along - especially if I am on my own.  One set of hands for two babies just doesn't cut it in all these situations.  I still live in fear of what if they both wake up and start screaming while in public.  One baby is difficult enough to manage, but two is literally impossible!  One baby would always be crying, and I guess I'm not ready to face that situation in public.

And more than that, I realize that I have had to change myself in order to adapt to this new life.  Which is fine.  For one thing, I am a home body.  I love my home.  I love being home with my boys.  I am okay not to have people over as frequently as we did.  I don't mind wearing comfy clothes all day, though I do try to get out of the house even for just a walk every few days.  This part of parenting multiples is okay by me.

There are, though, many changes that I did not anticipate in becoming a parent.  I didn't realize that taking even a 5 minute shower would become a coveted event... and a bubble bath - well that's just unheard of.  I didn't think that I would never be able to eat a meal in peace, and would have to scarf down my food as quick as possible, or learn to eat with a baby in my lap.  I didn't know that I would never have clean clothes because they are always marked with spit-up (okay these are just trivial examples, but still!).  I didn't anticipate that every single decision I make would make me consider the impact on my babies before thinking of myself.  I didn't realize that my relationship with DH would become a challenge to upkeep, simply due to the lack of time and energy we have for one another.  I didn't know that becoming a parent would change ME so very drastically.

I am still getting used to my "new normal" in my life with twins.  Sometimes I treasure it, and sometimes I struggle to accept it.  I somehow keep expecting that once we reach a point, things are magically going to go back to how they were before, except that we'll have two precious babies along.  That's not exactly how change works.  So right now, I am learning to embrace my new normal, and to stop waiting for life to return to its previous pace.  I wouldn't want to go back anyways.