The Best

It's 4am on my birthday and I am awake, pumping, nursing, and bottle feeding my two babies. I couldn't be happier. 

This is the best birthday yet. 

P.S. When I came to the crib, my dear husband had left a card for me from the babies. It was the sweetest thing I have ever seen. "Dear mom. You are pretty... Dear lady that feeds us.  I'm sorry I scream so much..."  It nearly broke my heart. So much love!!!

Ack! Photos lost

Help!  I was playing with Google drive on my phone today, and I came across an album of photos from this blog.  I thought Google had just created an album that everyone could see linked to my account, and so I rashly deleted it.  Turns out... it was all the photos from my blog posts!  Now they are all gone, without warning or anything!

Does anyone know if this can be reversed?  It would take me ages to go back and add all the photos again.  Help me if you can!!!

Twins 5 Month Sleep Training

I mentioned a while back that we have hired a sleep consultant to help us out over the next little while.  I know it is still early for sleep training, but most moms I have spoken to have babies who either sleep the night (without feeds), or only nurse once by this point.  Our boys were still getting up 3 times a night to eat!  I think it was just the pattern they were used to, and not that they were necessarily hungry.  However, the sleep deprivation reached a new low and I was ready to move on.

I heard of this consultant from a few other twin moms in the area, who found great success with her.  The support is great, because it is ongoing for as long as you need, and we only paid $200!  I think that is totally worth it to help twins (and us) achieve a healthy sleep life.

The first thing she did was have us fill out a questionnaire about their current sleep/eat/play patterns, as well as a bunch of questions about their health and personalities.  Then she drafted up an awesome sleep plan for us.  It was encouraging because it was pretty close to what we were doing, but provided something to work towards.  We decided we would try to start implementing the changes with the hope of having the plan in place by the time they reach 4 months adjusted age (which is tomorrow!).

So, for those who are interested, here is the plan we currently have (and some notes on how it is going).

7am - Wake up time for the boys.  If they are not awake we go in and turn on the lights and wake them up.  If they are up early, we try to leave them in their cribs till this time (usually they wake up talking and not necessarily crying).  I then stagger feed them for the morning and have playtime till the nap.

9am - Nap #1.  This is supposed to be at least an hour nap.  We are having troubles transitioning the boys past the first sleep cycle of 45 minutes, so they often wake up after 40 minutes and we leave them fussing till the hour is up (we put in soothers, pat their backs, rub their tummies).  Once they are up, we feed again and then play.

12pm - Nap #2.  This nap should last between 1-2 hours, though we aim for the two hour mark so that they can last longer through the afternoon.  Usually one of them wakes up early from this one too.  We can often get RJ back to sleep with his soother and a blanket, but MJ is having issues falling asleep after waking up, so sometimes we pull him out and bring him to the bed in our room and help him resettle.  We aren't supposed to be doing this, as they are supposed to learn to sleep through each others' cries/fussing, and we aren't supposed to take them out early, but we also want RJ to learn to sleep himself, and so it is a toss up.  We are currently working with the consultant on how to handle this.  Once they are up, we feed again, and then have playtime.

3-4pm - Nap #3. Depending on the afternoon, this is when we schedule the 3rd nap.  It is only supposed to be 30-60 minutes, but often the other naps are shorter, and I feel like the boys can't quite make it to bedtime if this nap is not long enough.  So we have resorted to going for a walk or a drive.  Once they are in motion, they sleep much better and longer.  Or, sometimes they go down at 3 or 3:30 and if they only sleep for half an hour, we will take them for a walk after so that they can continue to rest till close to 5pm.  This may not be the right thing to do, but by this time I am tired and just need a break!  All the things I read say that if they are not sleeping well, put them to bed early, but we just can't do bedtime earlier than 6:30/7:00.  It is tough enough as it is.  Anyways, more on that later.  Once they are up, we do a top-up feed and then play until bedtime.  We try to start the bedtime routine around 7 and have them tucked in between 7:30/8:00 (unless they have had a bad nap day and we bump it earlier).  It's just hard with DH getting home from work, trying to get dinner in order and cleaned up, and then get them ready for bed while they are becoming fussy.  This is, by far, one of the most draining times of the day.  Fortunately, our boys go down to bed very well so far!  I hope this doesn't change as they get older...

11:30pm/12:00am - Night feed #1. We are supposed to wake them up but we usually wait till the first one wakes up, feed them, then wake the second one up. 

3:30am/4:00 - Night feed #2.  Same thing... feed one, then the other.  They are supposed to go right back down, but we've been having troubles settling RJ after this feed.  He is usually up for an hour at least. This is a frustrating time so we are working on what to do with him here. 

7am - Start all over again.

It really is a manageable schedule, if it works.  Both the babies have periods where they won't settle and if one if up, they throw the whole schedule off.  It's a work in progress.  Since we started doing scheduled naps, most days have been so much easier.  I have had time to eat lunch, to sip tea, and actually get things done!  Now, if we get the nights in order so I can sleep, I will be even happier!  The hard part is getting up to pump so that hubby can do the night feed.  I'm not sure how to get around that one.  If I go to bed at 9, and don't pump before getting up for the 3:30 feed, I am way too engorged and choke the babies and make them scream, lol.  So I usually pump before bed at 9, then get up again around 1, then get up for the feed at 3:30, and then try to sleep another hour or two after the feed before they are up.  That is still a broken up sleep night and I am pretty exhausted still.  But there is hope! 

As you may have guessed if you've read my blog much, I am a schedule kind of girl!  I would have loved to be more flexible, feeding on demand, etc. with babies... but with twins, that is pretty much impossible. So it actually helps me be less anxious knowing that there is a schedule in place and having a framework to work from and towards.  We aren't doing any cry-it-out yet (not till 6 months, at least), but really just working to implement healthy sleep habits for the boys.  All in all, it is going very well and I hope the next few months bring much more success!

Goodbye to nursing (Baby A)

I can't believe it, but both boys are napping and I've had a chance to have lunch, tea AND now blog too!  They woke up once, but I put them back down and they are asleep (it's been an hour, which is great, since they've only been napping 30-40 minutes). 

I have had an emotional couple of days, and all I wanted was to come here to share my feelings.  This may be a sensitive topic for those who are still TTC, as I share frustration about giving up nursing, so there's a head's up. 

We have "tentatively" decided to stop nursing RJ and switch him over to bottles of expressed breast milk.  And this breaks my heart. 

It has been almost 2 months of struggling to feed him.  He continues to gain weight at a slow and steady pace, so it's not a matter of him being malnourished.  For the two weeks we really struggled with a nursing strike, he dropped below his growth curve, so we decided after that to incorporate more bottles.  Since doing that, he rarely will take breast.  Then this week he became really fussy on bottles too.  It is so stressful trying to feed a baby who doesn't want to eat.  We brought him to the doctor to check if it was an ear infection, or thrush, or digestive issues, but the doctor could find nothing wrong.  Basically, he said that RJ is just a fusspot.  He likely has developed a bottle preference, simply due to the mechanics of drinking from a bottle rather than a breast.  We noticed that he was the most fussy at bottles when he was too tired, and if he had to burp.  So now we have tried to feed him when he first wakes up and just do top-ups before bed.  Since putting him on more of a schedule and monitoring how much he is eating, he is much happier and (for the most part) sleeping more soundly. 

I don't know why a baby would choose a bottle over breast.  He still wants to snuggle me like crazy.  He still roots on me, but as soon as I put him in the breastfeeding hold, he starts arching away, turns his head and cries.  It is so sad to see!  Most of the time I put him to sleep by bouncing him with his head resting on my chest between my breasts, but he just won't drink from them!  The only time I can really get him to nurse is 4am in the morning when I am full and he is super sleepy.  Sometimes he'll take a few sucks if he is tandem feeding with his brother.  But that's it. 

I really, really, really don't want to give it up entirely.  I have these grand notions that he'll outgrow this stage and go back at it.  Am I just deluding myself?  I had hoped to nurse him into toddlerhood.  When the boys were really tiny, my most bonding moments with RJ were nursing.  He just was so precious as he nursed! 

I know that I shouldn't complain.  MJ still nurses like a champ.  I still have breastmilk to feed my boys (though it IS more work to pump extra and give bottles, rather than just breastfeeding RJ).  There is just something so special about nursing.  It has been one of my favorite parts of being a mom so far.

I have been super emotional about it, and nobody really understands (well, my mom does as she couldn't nurse my brother and sister for a few different reasons).  RJ is just such a needy baby... I feel like nursing can meet so many of his needs - nutrition, emotional connection, physical touch, communication - and it is just so sad that he won't do it.  But I feel like we have really given a good fight.  Each time we try and fail now, I get so discouraged.  I just don't have it in me to fight anymore.  If it were just one baby, it would be different.  But there are two.  This is the decision to make for now. 

It just makes my heart break a little. 

5 Months

Happy 5 Months to these punks!

First Family Vacation

I realized that I never finished posting about our first family vacation to Tofino!  It was such fun.  It was challenging sleeping in the same room as the boys, and trying to stay relatively "quiet" through the night so that our friend (who slept out in the loft in the main area) could sleep.  Also, the boys slept in the pack-n-play bassinets and they are getting to be too small.  They kept knocking the sides and woke each other up.  So it wasn't exactly restful but it was nice to be away.  Both DH and I felt like we were just starting to decompress at the 3-day mark, which is when we had to turn around and head back home.  Oh well.  It is such a beautiful spot, and I am so glad we took the boys there.

So, here are some photos of the glory that is Tofino.

Babies on vacation

Walk on Long Beach

Lounging by the fire

Amazing Tofino

Our cabin by the sea

Family

We love you Tofino

Twins 5 Month Update

5 Month Update

I'm a few days early, but since I had some time to sit down and write, I thought I'd post this now.  As challenging as raising twins are, it is such incredible fun too.  I absolutely LOVE the stage the boys are in (apart from the "wonder week" difficult behavior).  Also, they are so incredibly cute!  How can you not love them?

So, here's this month's update for anyone who is interested.

 

Eat

This month the picky eating trend continued with RJ.  We did everything we could to rule out thrush, nipple confusion, ear infection...and at the end of the day we have decided he just is a picky eater.  He even struggles with the bottle at times but he is too distracted to eat during the day.  His nursing sessions only last 5-10 minutes but he can drink 120-160 from a bottle.  MJ settled down in his eating, but continues to do well at breastfeeding.  He nurses in 10-20 minutes and drinks 140-160 in a bottle.  We only tandem feed 1-2x per day now, but it is cute when we do. The boys play with each other’s hands and stare at each other.  RJ now weighs 13lbs, 5oz and is in size 1-2 diapers and 3-6 month clothing and MJ weighs a whopping 15lbs, 11oz and is in size 2 diapers and mostly 6 month clothing!

Sleep

Though people say the 4-month regression maybe is not real, we definitely felt the effects of a regression this month.  It hit RJ especially bad.  He was going through such brain development and learning lots of new skills, but it really affected his eating and sleeping.  After quite a few nights of 7-8 feedings between the two boys, we buckled down and hired a sleep consultant.  We have only just started to implement some of the changes, but I am really excited to get the boys on a better schedule so that we can have happier, healthy boys.  Sleep and food are the most important things right now, so it was well worth it to shell out $200.  Also she will continue to support us through different stages of growth and development as the boys get older.  Our hope is to have the boys feed just twice through the night.  We are getting close, though usually RJ needs an extra little top-up early in the morning (and often he snuggles with us after that).  The boys go to bed no problem between 7-8pm, and usually get up by 7:30.  We had Daylight Savings last week and it threw us off a bit, but they seem to be adjusting now that we have incorporated a new schedule.  The goal is to have 3 naps of a total of 4 hours per day as well.  Here’s to hoping the next month gets us on track!

Play

This has been the most fun development to watch this month.  The boys really did hit a 4-month brain development growth spurt.  All of a sudden they were so much more active!  They love to hold objects with both hands and bring them to their mouths.  They put anything they can into their mouths (especially their hands).  They reach for objects hanging over them.  They are much better at tummy time and hold their heads up and are starting to reach towards object (sometimes).  They aren’t rolling over yet, but RJ especially is always squirming around.  He loves to kick his arms and legs like crazy and hits anything in his way.  They both sit in the bumbo seats and will reach for toys on the tray in front of them.  RJ is especially talkative this month.  MJ doesn’t cry in the mornings, but wakes up and sits in his crib “talking” until we come get him.  It is so cute!  The best is how excited they get about music!  We try not to let them watch media, but occasionally we play a music video on the computer and they both love it!  RJ moves all around and “sings.”  MJ sings and just stares engrossed in the music.  We love it.  

Events

This month was pretty busy with church events and just surviving, but after the AGM we decided to take our first trip with the boys!  We went to Tofino and stayed at Middle Beach Lodge along with our friend L.  It was such fun!  Super tiring, but still fun.  We took the boys walking on Long Beach in their new Ergo carriers, and played in the cabin by the fire.  We enjoyed hanging out in the lodge drinking coffee and watching the waves.  Even with a 3-hour drive each way, the boys did great.  They are quite adaptable and it was fun to be away with them.  Other than that, we carried on with our regular activities of church, preemie group, play dates, and walks as often as we could.  The boys are much more aware of their surroundings and the people around them so it is so much fun. 

In Control

I will post more about our trip once I have a chance to upload some photos.  This post is about some of the difficulties I am facing in parenting, specifically parenting twins.  If you're not in a place to read, please do take care of yourself and skip on by. 

Vacay

We are off on our first vacation as a family of four!  We are driving across the island to Tofino to hole up in a cabin on the ocean for a couple of nights. Wish us luck!