Give-away Reminder

Just a quick reminder to enter the contest for a give-away, as a token of thanks to my faithful readers.  You can enter here by leaving a comment.  The winner will be chosen tomorrow, though I won't have a chance to blog until later in the evening.

Wishing you all a Happy New Year celebration.  I have lots to share about our week of holidays but no time right now.  Until then!

Merry Christmas Give-Away!

Merry Christmas Eve everyone!  I know that everyone will be busy with family over the next few days, so I wanted to send my greetings out today.  My thoughts are with those of you who are holding new little ones in your arms this very special Christmas.  Savor and treasure every moment!  For those who are awaiting the arrival of a bundle of joy, sit back and relax, knowing that your life will be forever changed in a few short days/weeks/months.  And to those who are still waiting - like me - an extra special prayer goes out for you over this holiday that will likely be filled with both joy and tears.  I encourage you to read the Christmas story out of the book of Luke, but read the story before the birth of Jesus, about the birth of his cousin, John.  John was born to parents that were barren.  It's a miraculous story!  I pray for peace in your time of waiting, joy in the sorrow, and hearts filled with love for the things that have been given to you.  

Oh, and before I forget, I want to thank you for being my blog readers with a special blog give-away.  You have been there for me in ways that no one else has.  It has been so important to know that there are others who are going through what I am, and who understand what I write about.  I won't reveal what the gift is yet, except to say that it is handmade and (hopefully) will be beautiful.  To enter the give-away, just leave a comment on this post.  The winner will be announced on Jan. 1, 2013. 

Merry Christmas everyone!

Christmas wish-list

Do you remember how much fun it was to make a wish list as a child?  My siblings and I would scour the pages of the Sears catalog (yes, the catalog), and mark down the pages that had toys we wanted.  We would watch TV and excitedly anticipate the joys of new toys.  We would make a long list and give it to our parents (we didn't grow up with Santa Claus).  So much fun!

I haven't changed much since I was a kid in regards to my excitement about Christmas.  Though I don't write out a wish list, I still keep in mind the things that I would really love to receive as gifts.  I'm actually not a huge gift person.  Don't get me wrong... I do love receiving things from others, but I usually appreciate the thought more than the gift.  I love it when I find the perfect gift for someone else.  But it's always fun to unwrap presents and get new toys.

So I thought I'd share what's on my wish list this year!  Since it's just DH and I exchanging gifts, along with my parents, there won't be a lot of presents, but it's still fun to wish.

1. An Everlane backpack.  Really I'll take any style or color.  They are so hip!

2. This cherry soda fountain dress from Modcloth.  I like this one too!  Actually, I could buy pretty much anything on the site... and I would be, if our bank account wasn't so close to the negatives right now ;)

3. A new fragrance, maybe Chanel, coco mademoiselle.  I'm not too picky about fragrances.  I have only ever owned a few that are especially nice.  My grandma used to buy me Charlie White, which I loved.  On our honeymoon I bought Clinique Happy.  I would love something a little more sexy to wear for that winter date nights out.

4. Boots!  Who doesn't love a new pair of boots?  I recently bought a pair of ankle boots for the city, but I would love a pair of knee-highs that actually look good on my short, somewhat squat legs.  I've had my eye on a pair of Frye boots, though I'm so cheap I would never spend that much money on boots, unless they were a gift.

5. Snowshoes!  I bought some for DH for his birthday last year, and we've had a blast heading up to the mountain with our dog.  We hope to go lots more this year and it would be nice not to have to rent them every time.

***Bonus Gift**
And of course, I would forego all other presents if only I were so lucky enough to receive one of these on Christmas day.

So, there is my wishlist for this year!  I'm pretty content as I sit here today though.  The snow is falling like crazy outside (I LOVE snow!).  We don't often get a lot, so it's a treat when it snows.  My turkey is in the fridge brining in an apple cider brine.  Presents are wrapped and under the tree.  I'm sipping on coffee with eggnog.  Not too shabby, if you ask me!  What's on your wishlist this Christmas?

P.S.
This is what I think my husband bought me for Christmas (or something along these lines).  Will my guess be right???  I'll report back and let you know.

P.P.S.  Stay tuned soon for a special Christmas give-away!

My secret failure

A frustration that has plagued me lately has been that of feeling like a failure.  I know a lot of girls who struggle with feeling like a failure because their body has not worked like it is supposed to.  While that is true of my body, I have never really felt defeat because of that.  I do not feel ashamed of my body.  I take really good care of myself, and I know that everything that is going on is outside of my control.

The failure I am talking about is feeling like we have failed in dealing with infertility.  I look at women who have struggled with infertility, and seem to have resolved their struggle quickly into the journey, even without having a baby.  They speak of not being bitter, of trusting God, of keeping hope, despite their longings unfulfilled.  We've been "trying" for over 5 years and still are in the thick of it.  I am bitter.  I don't have hope.  I doubt my God.  I look at women who took control of their fertility, changing clinics and pressing on to get answers for the lingering questions.  We didn't seek help for SO LONG, partly due to ignorance, and when we did, we meandered our way through when we could have been much more actively trying.  I do feel gypped off and like we wasted a lot of time.  I look at women who speak openly and directly about their struggles.  We've been so self-conscious in our struggle that it has taken us up until recently to share with even our closes friends.  I look at women who seem to have perfect relationships with their partners.  They work through the struggle together, support one another when they need to, and draw closer together because of IF.  We have struggled more in our marriage than ever before, despite the fact that we've been in the trenches longer and should have more experience in dealing with it.  I look at women who are able to pour out their love on their nieces and nephews, despite the sorrow they feel for not having their own child.  We don't even want to talk to our brothers or sisters over the holidays, because of the pain it will bring to see them happy with their families.

I never wanted to be this way.  I guess it hurts my pride.  I kind of pride myself on being able to do things well.  I work hard, and I achieve the things I want to.  I have failed in knowing how to deal properly with infertility.  I know, I know, there's not a right way to get through infertility.  But some people do it with much more grace than me!  I'd just like to look back and not feel like I have wasted my time and energy so much with nothing to show.

Don't worry, I have a happier post planned for tomorrow.  :)

Up and Running!

Sorry to all who tried to read my previous post and weren't able to.  I accidentally changed a setting that denied permission to my blog, but it has now been fixed, so happy reading!!!!

Paleo Diet

I thought I'd share about the diet DH and I have been on this past month.  My doctor suggested I try a month of removing all grains from my diet, both to help with weight loss and bloating.  This is stricter than just going gluten free; it means no rice, no whole grains, no quinoa, no corn products. Basically, you eat meat, fruits & vegetables, and fats (eggs, nuts, etc.).  You're not supposed to eat much dairy but we didn't give it up completely.  We had yogurt for breakfast some days, and I still kept drinking tea/coffee with cream or milk.  We did this for a month!  I am actually surprised that it was not that hard.  The first few days we had crazy carb cravings, but after that, it became enjoyable to eat paleo.  We had 2 cheat days (one for Chinese food in Vancouver...yum, and one for pizza...bad idea) but otherwise stuck pretty close.  Towards the end I did crave in and partake in the Christmas baking that is floating around everywhere!  So I really don't know if the results are "true" results but this is what I DID notice:

I didn't notice that my stomach bloating went away; however I did notice that one the days where we ate a lot of garlic or onions with the meal, my bloating was worse.  For me, that confirmed that I have a sensitivity to garlic, which I have long suspected as both my mom and my grandpa do too.  I also noticed that a lot of my "puffiness" (face, stomach) seemed to die down.  I noticed more energy through the day.  And a total of 3 people around me commented on my glowing skin!  All in all this month, I think I've lost 6lbs.  I have been exercising daily (an hour walk with the dog or the gym) so I may have put on more muscle too. 

So, in case anyone is interested, I thought I'd share some of the yummy meals we ate.

For breakfast, we normally had yogurt with paleo crunch (like a granola made with nuts), eggs (in all shapes and sizes), or grilled kale and sausage (so yummy!).

For lunch, we had leftovers or soups.  I tried gluten free bread at the beginning, but I just don't like it so it's not worth caving into. 

And these are some of the dinners we enjoyed!

Paleo chocolate almond biscuits (for breakfast)

Turkey legs with cranberry glaze, acorn squash, roasted potatoes and salad

Veggie and sausage tomato sauce over egg noodles with beet slaw

Steak salmon with sweet potato fries, bok choy and coleslaw

Paleo crunch

Beef stew

Balsamic chicken thighs with paleo rice (sauteed cauliflower)

Korean beef ribs with spaghetti squash and lettuce

And finally, DH's breakfast creation: sweet potato hash with sausage and bacon, topped with poached egg and avocado.  Heart attack on a plate, but SO YUMMY!

Creme de la Creme

Wow, I have been too busy to check into blogland for a while here.  How can I be semi-unemployed and still so busy?  I'll write on that another day.  I will say that logging in today was nice, but a bit disheartening.  Pretty much all of the bloggers that preceded me (the first bloggers I met on here), have kids!  Some through adoption, some through A.R.T., and quite a few by surprise, naturally!  Now that should be encouraging to me, and it is.... but it is still difficult.  Why God?  When will it be MY turn?  Or what if I'm not going to have a turn and I'm holding onto false hope for nothing!  Anyways, that's my little rant for today.

I realized that I still have not submitted an entry for this year's Creme de la Creme contest.  I looked through my blogs, and I have 4 contenders.  I've posted them below and I'd LOVE IT if you'd take a look over and let me know if any of these 4 spoke clearly to you, or which one you found the best written.

Surviving the Holidays

This is ME!

The "What ifs" of an IF's Journey

Sex, money, kids and... weight gain?

Thank you for your support and for checking in on my blog!  One of these days I'll get around to doing a proper thank you to you all (hmm... maybe a contest is in order!)

Tis the Season

It's been busy over the last little while!  Whew.  I keep wanting to post, but never have quite enough time to sit and leisurely write a post as I'd like to. 

The past few weeks since our diagnosis have been hard.  For me, I think I quickly came to a stage of acceptance in the grieving cycle.  It was like having this in place allowed me to finally reach that point.  I still feel hopeful that it is possible for us to have a child of our own.  But if not, I am actually excited to begin the adoption process.

My husband, on the other hand, is having a harder time with the news.  I think it's like he put off grieving about our infertility until now, and it has hit him big time.  So, that hasn't been the "easiest" to deal with.  Christmas doesn't really feel festive or enjoyable right now. 

We have some holiday time booked over Christmas, but don't really have any money to spend or anywhere to go.  We signed up to host International students for the second semester of school starting at the end of January.  I was offered a job (which I'll write more about later) and likely will accept it.  DH's brother is getting married January 12th in Seattle, so we'll be heading out then as well.  And Christmas is almost two weeks away. 

There is lots going on, and lots of decisions to be made.  Of course I'd like all the loose ends tied up nicely, but I don't always get my way :)  So, I'll keep taking it a day at a time, doing the best I can. 

Oh, I am feeling better on this cleanse/paleo diet.  DH lost almost 10lbs in the first 2 weeks (how DO guys lose weight so quickly), and I was down 4lbs until we went away last weekend and ate way too much food!  Still, it feels encouraging.  My mom even told me my butt was disappearing, haha!  I'm excited to get back into shape and ring in the New Year, which I really, really hope will be better than 2012.