D-Day!

DISCHARGED!

The day is officialy here!  I am being released from the hospital, one day shy of 6 weeks exactly.  Words cannot explain how excited I am.

As I mentioned before, I will be staying just next door to the hospital in a house built by the Children's Health Foundation.  It is a house for people from out-of-town, whose children are sick in the hospital.  While we don't technically fit that criteria, we do have babies on the way who need to remain close to the hospital.  I am still on strict bed rest, and I will be having regular appointments with the doctor, weekly ultrasounds, and NSTs twice a week.  In a lot of ways, though, I am now just a "normal" 33 1/2 week pregnant lady with twins.  Hooray!!!!

I'll post a more detailed report of how things are going at 34 weeks.

Now, to figure out what to eat tonight to celebrate my first non-hospital meal...

Surviving Hospital Bed Rest

As I near the end of my hospital bedrest stay (*fingers crossed*) I have been thinking about what the experience is like.  For anyone who ends up in the hospital on bed rest like me (not that I wish it upon anyone), I thought it would be helpful to write a post about the things that have helped me get through my time.  I have found it extremely helpful to read other stories of ladies who have been through similar situations.  Somehow it gives me the strength to keep on going on those days when it is especially tough.  At the end of this blog, I gave some links of some of the stories that helped me through.  So far, I have spent just under 6 weeks on hospital bedrest.  The one nice thing I should mention is that I live in Canada, so healthcare is provided and I did not have to pay out of pocket for my mandatory time here.

These are some of the things I would suggest to get you through the time.  Eventually, it will all feel like a blur as the days roll into each other, but this does provide you a sense of normalcy in an otherwise not normal situation:

1. Create some sort of a daily routine.  Getting up at the same time, getting ready, and having a "plan" of how you will spend your day helps create a rhythm for your day.  The plan could be as simple as reading a chapter in a specific book, or going for an ultrasound in the afternoon.  Something about having a routine makes you feel more human, and less like a blob in the bed.
2. Get "ready" every day.  If you are able, take the time to shower, get dressed, and get yourself ready (hair, makeup) for the day.  I understand you may not be able to get up and out of bed, but you can still brush your hair and put it up, wash up, or do something to make yourself feel ready.  I made a point to shower every day, even when I didn't need to.  For one thing, this kills time, and for another, it provides a breaking point between days and, again, makes you feel more human.
3. Develop a good relationship with the nurses.  At the hospital I am in, there are 70 nurses who work on this unit and L&D.  Usually I meet a new nurse every day but there are a few who have been around more that I have gotten to know.  I found that if I was friendly to them, they were friendly right back, and willing to help me out and give me privileges when able to.  I even spent some time making a little gift for them.  I took a glass jar and used magazine clippings to make a thank you collage on the jar.  Then I filled it with hard wrapped candies and left it for the nurses.  They loved it, and it definitely got me in the "good books."  
4. Use a sleeping mask/ear plugs at night to get a good sleep.  I had a much easier time sleeping in a private room, but I would definitely recommend whatever sleep aids you need to get you through the night.  If you are up in the night, the next day seems that much longer as the day/night kind of blur together.  Getting a good night's sleep sets you up to enjoy the next day much more.  
5. Take up something crafty to do with your hands.  Reading and watching TV occupies the mind, but sometimes it is just nice to DO something.  Knitting, crotcheting, scrapbooking... anything that engages the mind and the hands is great.  
6. Call in as many visitors as you can (and ask them to bring you food!).  At first I was overwhelmed by the amount of people visiting, but it really does help the time go by.  There were only a handful of days that nobody came to see me (when DH was back at home), and these were the longest days.  
7. If you can't have a lot of visitors, make sure to sign up for an online support group.  There are some great sites where you can connect with other moms on bed rest (Check out www.mamasonbedrest.com to start).  I didn't have internet available for the first month, so I didn't get plugged in, but I could see how this would be an invaluable resource!  
8. Be sure to keep your body healthy and happy as much as you can.  I was given bed rest exercises to do (every hour, which I didn't follow).  I did a good stretch a few times throughout the day and moved my leg muscles whenever I remembered.  I also took a jam-like substance called Fruitlax every day to keep those bowels moving.  You will get so sick of the nurses asking you about your bowels, but it is best to do what you can to keep them in action, because the alternate is not very fun.  
9. Keep a journal of your time.  I did not explicitly keep a journal (apart from these blog posts), but I had a notebook I used.  Every day I wrote down the date and put down anything that happened that day...ultrasounds, baby growth information, blood levels, etc.  This helped me to remember details (in case the nurses asked me later) and keep track of my time in the hospital.
10. Make the room your own.  In whatever way you can, bring touches of your world and yourself into the room.  Plants work great to bring life to boring hospital colours.  Bring in pictures of family, pets, your house... things that you will miss seeing on a daily basis.  Use your own pillow and/or blanket.  My dear mother-in-law, bought me a beautiful bamboo humidifier that you could put essential oils into.  I didn't want to overwhelm the ward with the scent, but I'd put a slight drop into the water just to bring a pleasant small.  It also became the talk of the town and every one who visited my room would comment on it (that, and the collection of baby clothes I had hanging from the shelf).  
11. When you have a bad day, just get through it.  Some days will be especially tough, and you may be grumpy and cry all day.  But the next day always starts fresh!  Even when you think you can't make it through any longer... you DO.  You don't really have a choice.  This helped me gain perspective when I felt I was losing it.
12. If possible, have benchmarks to look forward to and celebrate them when you reach them.  For me, these were the two week increments of pregnancy (28, 30, 32, 34 weeks, etc.).  DH and I would always celebrate with some treat. One week my dog came to visit and I got to go outside and see her.  One week I was given a pass to go out for dinner.  Even when I had to stay in, some days I would dress up, get myself ready, and DH would bring in fast-food.  Anything to provide a break from the monotony helps.  

Remember, you WILL make it through!  What you are doing IS the best for your baby(babies), even when it feels like it is the worst for you.  Once you get to the end, you will be happy you stuck it out and put the health of your baby first.  

Here are a few other blogs with tips:

http://www.modernmom.com/blogs/lori-bregman/how-to-survive-bed-rest

http://broadwaybabies.wordpress.com/2011/12/

http://futuresupermom.wordpress.com/tag/hospital-bed-rest/

Bed rest is HARD!

Head's up... This is a whiny post. If you're not in a place to read some complaints from a pregnant lady on bed rest, please skip on over.

Bed rest is tough! I think I hit my wall yesterday. All day I was bored and antsy and grumpy. Nothing could satisfy me. I did not want to do any of the things that I have to distract me. It was just a bad day. This morning I woke up, hoping the day would be better. The doctor came in to talk to me and I asked a bunch of questions. I held it together pretty well, but right at the end I asked a simple question about the gestational diabetes (GD) and I burst into tears. And I couldn't stop the flow! And it wasn't even my official doctor... It was the young male intern who looks to be about the same age as me. That just made it more humiliating for some reason (though upon my first meeting with him when he was with the OB, I was also having a meltdown and cried).

I think this diagnosis of GD sparked a feeling of helplessness and lack of control. Here I am, sitting in a hospital room, and I am barely in control of my circumstances. I can't go for a "walk" (in a wheelchair) outside without permission. My meals are delivered at a certain time (way too early for my liking) so I can't eat when I want to (unless I want cold soup). I have a limited wardrobe and can't wear the clothes I want to. Though they are gracious with visiting hours for husbands, I don't get to see him first thing in the morning or before I go to bed each night. And now, I can't even eat what I want to! Or I can, but I have to worry about big brother watching over my shoulder when I do. Another bit of freedom taken away.

 In addition is the uncertainty of knowing how/when these babies will be delivered. I know that no pregnancy is guaranteed to go the way you have planned, but there are way too many variables for me right now. The unknown is killing me and causing me to worry through all sorts of scenarios. Yesterday I really felt like I don't care if they come early, I just want these babies out of me so I can resume some normalcy in my own life. I know that's a selfish thought, but honestly that is how I felt. Today I feel a bit better and am resolved to try my best to make it to 34 weeks, at least.

But gals, I must say, this is tough! For me, it's even tougher than the many two week waits I endured. At least during those times there are all sorts of things you can do to feel like you are setting yourself up for success (exercise, acupuncture, distractions, relaxing, massage, etc.). Right now I really can do nothing, except rest and do nothing. Do you know how hard that is for me? Mostly I can put these thoughts aside and distract myself with meaningless things (books, TV, knitting), but occasionally the emotions take over and just need a place to come out. All I can hold onto to get me through is the thought of the great reward at the end. I just can't wait to meet these little beings living inside of me. I am so filled with excitement and anticipation!

(Oh, and as an aside, my complaining this morning achieved something. The diabetic nurse only wants me to test my blood sugar in the morning and after one meal now, rather than 4x/day. That's a start!)

If you want to read a great post from a father whose wife was on bed rest, check this out. I think every male whose wife is on bed rest should take a read.

http://m.lifeofdad.com/blog_post.php?pid=9839

Feeling secure in bed rest

Yesterday one of the doctors I saw used the phrase "discharged" as she was speaking about my future here at the hospital. I really don't think she has a full picture of what is going on in my case, but that word awoke a number of emotions. Since then my brain has been in overdrive thinking of different possibilities.

For me, I think one of the hardest parts of bedrest is the unknown. I don't know if I will give birth to my babies here in Victoria before 32 weeks. I don't know if I will make it to 32 weeks but then be transferred to the hospital closer to home that can handle preemie babies born after 32 weeks. I don't know if my babies will be born there. I don't know if I will make it past that point to 34-36 weeks, where they will let me go back home and give birth in my hometown. I don't know if I will be discharged early and sent home on strict bed rest. If that happens, I don't know where I will give birth because it depends on how early the babies come. If the babies do come early, I don't know whether to expect staying here in Victoria, or in the city closer to home. All these unknowns are making me crazy!

Besides that, though, as difficult as hospital bed rest is at times, I don't know if I would want to give it up. There is a feeling of security and stability here that I am enjoying. The environment is so controlled that it minimizes a lot of worries. I always know when to expect my next meal. Cleaning is all done for me. My vitamins are brought to me. The babies are checked regularly. I have clean clothes and the essentials to keep myself fresh and healthy. I am in good hands, despite what the future holds.

If I were at home, my brain would be overrun with lists of things to do. There would be meals to freeze, the nursery to prepare, supplies to be bought, all while ensuring that the house keeps clean and running. Here, I have no control over those things, so I have had to let them go. Some days that is easy, and some days it is difficult. I really have no choice.

I am worried about going home and facing the reality of life again. I feel like it is going to be too much to handle. Two newborn babies AND trying to get the house ready/back in order for life as a family of four. I am a planner. The idea of being thrown right into that chaos makes me anxious!

I know there are things that I can do here and now to prepare, but it is hard for me to even engage in those tasks. It's like my brain can't handle being here and there at the same time. So for now I focus on what is here. I knit, and eat my meals, and read, and blog, and nap. And then I do it all over again.

Hospital Bed Rest - One Week! Plus ultrasound update

Well, I made it through the week!  Things have settled down immensely, and so I am into my routine and just chilling most of the time. It was nice having my parents hang out yesterday. My bro-in-law and his wife brought me Chinese food for my first non-hospital food meal. It was delicious!!!  At this point, the novelty of hospital food has worn off. Breakfast is good and lunch is okay, but I am really not into the dinners.  Still, I eat them just to keep these babies happy and growing strong!

Today DH arrives back I'm town. I may have mentioned that he was sleeping on his brother's floor but he is now on the wait list for the hospital subsidized housing for parents/families with preemies or kids in the hospital. We are planning to watch the NICU video today as part of our preparation in case they do come early.

As for me and the babies, I still have not met with the OB, but every day a family doctor checks in with me and she gave me some updates.  I was told that Baby A does not have placenta previa and that the placenta is now on the side of the uterine wall, right where it should be.  But the doctor came back later saying she spoke to my OB and she is not convinced that I do not have previa. So they want to do another ultrasound (thus time internal) later this week.  Baby B's placenta is up higher on the other side of my uterus so no problems there.  My cervix is shortened a bit to 3.5 and has just started to funnel. They didn't check internally again but since it was open last week, I am still to be on bed rest to keep as much pressure off it as possible. The other good thing is the babies growth!  I may be off by an once or two, but I think she said Baby A is now 2lb,10oz (up from 2,5 last week) and baby B is now 3,2 (up from 2,13). They are both well within normal range and not too different from one another.  She mentioned something about percentiles but I forget what she said. Hopefully they keep up this good weight gain for the next few weeks!

And, here is a shot of my sweet, sweet love, just arrived to take care of me.

Bed Rest Routine

I thought I'd share what a typical day on bed rest looks like for me. One of the 'tips' I read over and over online about bed rest was the importance of creating a routine. This is the routine I have fallen into.

7:30 Wake up for the day.  I am going to try to incorporate some morning stretches here. Wash face and brush teeth.

8:00 Breakfast!  This is usually the best meal of the day so I try to enjoy it.

8:30 Touch base with the nurses for the morning (they come to say hi).  Take morning meds (prenatal, iron, vitamin C).

9:00 Shower and get ready. Everything takes longer and I move slowly to draw things out.

10:00 Nurses do a check on vitals: temperature, blood pressure and babies heartbeats. Some days they do a NST, during which I lie in bed for 30-60 minutes just listening to the beats (and recording with a clicker when they kick).  Meet the doctor on shift.

11:00 Read, catch up on email

12:00 Lunch.  Usually DH or other visitors have arrived. DH and I will talk and hang out.

1:00-5:00 Nap, read, hang out with visitors. This is the longest part of the day but passes quickly when someone is around.

5:00 Dinner (so early, I know). After work, DH's brother and his wife come visit and bring me treats/food/supplies.  DH and I have started playing Scrabble online against each other to pass the time.

8:00 Visitors go home (DH can stay a bit later if he likes). I usually catch up with friends/family online a bit.

9:00 Vitals checked again (some days they come more frequently to check throughout the day).  Meet the night shift doctor.

9:30 Get ready for bed. Read in bed or watch a movie.

10:30 Go to bed. I'm often up 3-4 times in the night to pee and get comfortable but usually wake up feeling rested.

And that is a typical day in the hospital. I don't know if I'd be able to do it without DH or visitors coming to hang out.

Hematoma anxieties

This week I have had trouble sleeping, worrying about the possibilities that could go wrong with this pregnancy.  I've also had a bit of increasing pain around the area where the clot is, and I'm getting scared that the placenta is starting to detach.  I have no idea what placental abruption feels like, but now that I know the pain is in the same place as the clot, I am worrying.

I think part of this anxiety is seeing how worried my parents are, particularly my dad.  My mom had some complications with her pregnancies that are similar.  With me, she had placenta previa, and went into early labour at 34 weeks due to partial placenta detachment.  With my brother, it was much more severe.  She had on and off bleeding throughout the pregnancy and was going to be put on hospital bed rest for the last three months.  While she was in the hospital for a routine check-up at 31 weeks, her placenta suddenly completely detached.  She fainted and had to be brought in for an emergency c-section right away!  She doesn't know why the placenta detached, but it could have been due to a SCH as well.  My brother was in the hospital for nearly 3 months, with lots of complications and barely made it.  Also my mom was put at risk due to the loss of blood and had to have a transfusion.  All in all, a scary time.  My dad remembers it vividly and doesn't want me to go through the same thing (and neither do I!).  I am worried about having a huge bleed while I am alone, or even at any point in time.  I am worried that our hospital does not have an NICU, or a neonatal team... what if it the babies come early and don't get the help they need?  I've even wondered if I can voluntarily put myself on hospital bed rest and be transferred to Vancouver...

I have been taking it much more easy this past week (if that is possible).  I think I will ask my Dr. for another ultrasound at my next appointment.  I don't know if they will be able to tell, but I really want to know if this hematoma IS affecting Baby A's placenta or not.  That would put me much more at ease.  Other than that, I don't know what to do.  I don't know how to get rid of these anxieties.  I don't even know if they are valid worries or not.  But I just needed to share.

Ultrasound and OB VIsit

We had another ultrasound on Monday to check on the hematoma, and it was pretty uneventful. I must say, I'm slightly jealous of you bloggers who get to see your babies every check-up.  Our hospital has a policy that after the 18-week growth scan, they don't have time to show you the babies at subsequent visits.  So, basically I had a one hour nap while they did their thing.  The babies were moving like crazy - again, Baby B much more than Baby A.  Also, Baby B had flipped and is head up.  I thought that was cool, only because a few days ago I said to DH that I thought I was feeling kicks down low and wondered if he/she had flipped.  I was right!

We had to wait till today to see our OB and hear about the results.  The news was not-so-good.  The u/s technicians couldn't get a good look at Baby A's placenta because it is still being blocked by the hematoma.  Despite the bleeding I had last Thursday, the hematoma has grown to 6x7cm (from 5x4 the week prior).  They are finding it hard to distinguish between the placenta and the extra blood clot, but are guessing that it is also possible placenta previa for Baby A.  There is nothing that can really be done, except wait to see what happens.  Hopefully the placenta will move up, the hematoma won't get in the way or cause problems.  It makes it more likely that I will need a c-section for birth.  And it puts me at even greater risk for Pprom, placental abruption, and pre-term labour.  Hooray....

My doctor talked about the kind of birth options we have (maybe I'll write about that separately), and the procedure in case of emergency.  We live in a small town with a community hospital, so options here are quite limited.  In case of pre-term birth, they actually helicopter over a team of neonatal doctors/nurses from Vancouver and fly you back there WITH the team.  Pretty crazy!  We are just praying and hoping that will not be necessary.  Since there is not much that can be done, we just have to wait and continue to take it easy.  I asked more about bed rest and what I can and can't do, and basically she told me that there is no actual evidence that bed rest helps stop pre-term labour or the complications I am facing.  It is just something you can do to make sure that you don't overdo it and give your body the best chance to carry the babies to term.  So, I will continue on as is... modified bed rest, able to work a bit at the office but resting and taking it easy whenever I can.  She did specify that we are to have no sex (duh!), no vacuuming, carrying laundry, etc.  I am able to do small walks (if up for it), swim (or float) in the ocean, lake or river, and putter around the house, as long as I don't find myself contracting too much, or in pain, or showing any signs of pre-term labour. 

And the babies - they are just great!  She listened to the heart beats and we all burst out laughing because there was such distinction between Baby A and Baby B, and Baby B was super fast (as always!).  She also said that Baby B was slightly bigger than Baby A, at 671g, as opposed to 634g, which isn't a problem at this point in time.  That puts them at 1lb, 7,6oz and 1lb, 6.3oz.  I think that is a great size for this far along, so I am pretty pleased.  Next up I have my glucose screening test, more bloodwork, and another visit in 2 weeks.

Tomorrow is a big day... viability!  I'll post a happy update then.

23 Weeks

First off, thanks for all the encouragement and kind comments!  I'm up and down with this bleeding/bedrest thing, but I know I'll make it through and that these two precious babes will be worth it all! 

In case you are paying attention, I've switched back to counting my pregnancy based on my last period, rather than from my IUI.  These are the dates they use in the hospital, ultrasound lab, etc. so it just makes it easier to say.  So, today I've reached 23 weeks!  One week to go to viability (though many more to go till I have peace of mind about these babies).  Despite all that has gone on this past while, here is how I am doing:

Mood: Up and down, up and down.  I felt pretty good last week, even with everything that was happening.  This week I've hit a wall.  I'm super emotional and teary, and irritated very easily.  It's funny now, but this morning DH jokingly made a comment about April O'Neil (from the cartoon Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - he totally had a crush on her as a kid, shh... don't tell him you know!), and I burst into tears.  Can you say sensitive?  I'm kind of staying away from people because I just don't know how I'll respond.

Food: My eating patterns haven't changed much throughout this last trimester.  Typically I will eat a breakfast as soon as I'm awake, a second breakfast around 10, then have lunch, maybe an afternoon snack (depending on how late dinner will be), dinner and then a bedtime or a midnight snack.  My meals are not that huge and I don't usually find myself ravenous.  Mostly I can just tell when the babies are hungry and I know I need to eat something.  Candy still makes me nauseous.  I still love cold drinks.  I probably need to up my protein intake, but I find this very hard.  My go-to foods are grains (bread, cereal, crackers), cheese, yogurt, smoothies, and lots of fruit!  I have had a bit more morning sickness lately and even puked one morning (weird!). 

Sleep: Same old... I'll take as much as I can get!  Still sleeping mostly through the night with usually one awakening to pee.  About once a week I'll have a bout of insomnia from 2-4, but that is about it.

Exercise: Since I'm on modified bed rest, I'm being very careful, specifically about how much I am on my feet and moving around.  I'll do my yoga stretches since they are done on the floor, and once things settle down I'll try a bit of swimming (or floating, I should say).  My doctor gave me a few muscle toning exercises I can do with an exercise band, but I can't do anything that would put pressure on my uterus/cervix. 

Body: Belly continues to grow!  I discovered my first small stretch mark on the side of my belly this week.  It's only about 3cm long.  My OB was impressed that I haven't had many more, based on how big I am (and how quickly I am growing, I guess).  I did mention before that my poor boobs suffered the worst with the quick growth and are covered in stretch marks now.  Hopefully those go away!  I haven't really had any other aches and pains to report.  I think I have quite a few braxton hicks (BH) these days.  Sometimes my belly just feels so hard and heavy!  It doesn't always go away within just a few minutes like BH should so I don't know if it is that, or gas, or just my irritable uterus.  I just make sure to get off my feet when it happens and usually it subsides. 

Movement: Feeling these babies moving a lot more!  Last week I was worried as Baby B does not seem as active, but I am pretty sure it is just where he/she is placed.  I felt some movements this week that I don't think were Baby A.  And then just before the latest bleeding episode, Baby A was moving around like CRAZY!  We will see them next week on u/s so I hope to figure out their movements more then!  DH has felt them moving quite a bit now.  It never grows old.

What I miss: Right now, I would love, love, love just to go for a walk!  This morning I was up early, and the air was a bit crisp, with the sun shining and all I could think about was how much I miss walking.  I can't wait to do that with the babes once they arrive!  Also, these warm summer evenings are just made for a nice glass of fruit wine to end the day with.  I'll be looking forward to that next summer too.

Notable Moments: 
-  Well, last week was the whole bleeding/L&D/bed rest fiasco, which was quite notable.  This week has involved settling into bed rest and a new limited activity routine.
- I stopped working at my counselling job this past week, which was slightly unexpected. 
- The night Baby A was moving like crazy, DH was there to feel her and couldn't believe how strong her kicks were.  I just lay there and couldn't stop grinning!
- Oh, I ordered the wallpaper for the nursery, and all the baby bedding!  My parents are picking up cribs for us in Vancouver this weekend.  We just have to wait till the wallpaper arrives so we can match a paint colour for the other walls and then we (meaning DH and my parents) will get to work.  I can't wait.  

Update: Bedrest and OB Visit

Did I mention how much I LOVE my OB?  Let me say it again, in case I didn't.  My OB ROCKS!  She is just a perfect personality match for me, and I feel so reassured having her around.

This might be a bit of a long post, as am processing a lot right now.  So here's the agenda: bed rest, OB visit (baby update), and emotions.

I successfully completed 6 days of bed rest.  The time actually flew by.  Partially it was because we had a house full of people, and partially was because I was so incredibly tired!  I just slept most of it away.  Our good friends P&J were visiting this past week.  They were busy doing their own thing a lot of the time, but it was reassuring having close friends around, and they pitched in to help with cooking and cleaning.  Then, when my brother-in-law heard the news, he and his wife decided to come for the weekend to help out.  That was slightly overwhelming at first (8 people in the house), but they were super helpful and cooked all the meals, did all the clean-up, mowed our lawn, and helped with housework.  The time just flew by while I was waited on and taken care of.  Even when they all went out to our town's Market Days, they brought me back the cutest gift for the babies.

Handmade baby rattles!

Today everyone left, and I felt a sigh of relief.  It's just nice having your house back to yourself. 

My OB came back from holidays today and I was lucky enough to get in to see her.  Oh, I forgot to mention that I haven't seen any "fresh" blood since the scare on Thursdays.  I had a bit of light bleeding and spotting, but it was mostly cleared up by Saturday.  My OB confirmed that I have a hematoma (also called subchorionic hematoma, or SCH, from what I have read online), but it actually measures 5cm, which is not that small.  She hopes that I have bled most of it out and that it won't cause any further problems.  She did schedule me for a follow-up ultrasound next week to check on the hematoma, and also check the babies growth.  Oh, and the hematoma was blocking the view of Baby A's placenta, so it was hard to tell if it was connected to the succenturiate lobe or not (I know, so much medical jargon).  She said the hematoma, itself, is not dangerous, but puts me at greater risk for pre-term labour (which I am already at risk for with a multiples birth) and pre-term premature rupture of membranes (PPROM), where the placenta detaches from the uterus wall.  Which means, it still is a concern.

So... we talked about what this all means.  Basically I'm not free from bed-rest, but I guess I am going on a sort of modified bed rest.  I still have to limit my activity level extremely (no lifting, no exerting energy, no heavy cleaning, no walking, no sex, etc.), but she is willing to let me go back to work IF I feel I can handle it.  We talked about this a bit, and both agreed that I should cut back on my counselling job sooner, rather than later.  This is because though it is not physically exhausting, it is emotionally draining, and I give a lot of myself during sessions.  I was actually very relieved to hear this, because I was finding that counselling was becoming harder to do.  She said she thought that my office job in August sounded alright, but that as soon as I get enough hours for maternity leave, I should wind down work.  Wow!  I'm not even 23 weeks!

Then she talked a lot about stress and worry, and how important it was for me to keep these to a minimum.  I hadn't realized how much anxiety I had been feeling, but it definitely shone through in my appointment.  There is something about having a safe place that shows you what you have been holding in.  She agreed that I need to be doing something rather than staying indoors at home all the time, because that will just make me depressed.  But she also thinks I need to guard my energy and emotional resources as much as I can.  She suggested I find a creative outlet as a way to let out stress, that I take a book to the park or beach and relax there, and that if I need to get out to a mall or shopping, to get someone to push me in a wheelchair, haha!

I hadn't realized it, but this experience has probably affected more emotionally than I even realize right now.  Resigning myself to modified bed rest for, likely, the rest of my pregnancy, is a big thing too.  As much as it feels good to be told to relax, and I am more than happy to do what I have to for these babies, I am a "doer" at heart.  Stopping work early brings on worries of finances too.  I do have faith that things will all work out, but it is an adjustment to my mindset right now. 

So, that is where I am at right now.  I guess I need more time to process all of these changes.  I was planning to go into work tomorrow, but DH convinced me not to.  He is coming at this from much more of a protective side (which is great), and reasons that I only stopped bleeding on Saturday, and need to give my body more time.  I think I will call work (counselling office) tomorrow and speak to them about what is going on as I try to decide how to wind down.  My u/s will be scheduled in 7-10 days, and my OB wants to see me again next week.  So, that's all for now!  (Also I will try update my bump pics).  Thanks for listening/reading!