Head's up... This is a whiny post. If you're not in a place to read some complaints from a pregnant lady on bed rest, please skip on over.
Bed rest is tough! I think I hit my wall yesterday. All day I was bored and antsy and grumpy. Nothing could satisfy me. I did not want to do any of the things that I have to distract me. It was just a bad day. This morning I woke up, hoping the day would be better. The doctor came in to talk to me and I asked a bunch of questions. I held it together pretty well, but right at the end I asked a simple question about the gestational diabetes (GD) and I burst into tears. And I couldn't stop the flow! And it wasn't even my official doctor... It was the young male intern who looks to be about the same age as me. That just made it more humiliating for some reason (though upon my first meeting with him when he was with the OB, I was also having a meltdown and cried).
I think this diagnosis of GD sparked a feeling of helplessness and lack of control. Here I am, sitting in a hospital room, and I am barely in control of my circumstances. I can't go for a "walk" (in a wheelchair) outside without permission. My meals are delivered at a certain time (way too early for my liking) so I can't eat when I want to (unless I want cold soup). I have a limited wardrobe and can't wear the clothes I want to. Though they are gracious with visiting hours for husbands, I don't get to see him first thing in the morning or before I go to bed each night. And now, I can't even eat what I want to! Or I can, but I have to worry about big brother watching over my shoulder when I do. Another bit of freedom taken away.
In addition is the uncertainty of knowing how/when these babies will be delivered. I know that no pregnancy is guaranteed to go the way you have planned, but there are way too many variables for me right now. The unknown is killing me and causing me to worry through all sorts of scenarios. Yesterday I really felt like I don't care if they come early, I just want these babies out of me so I can resume some normalcy in my own life. I know that's a selfish thought, but honestly that is how I felt. Today I feel a bit better and am resolved to try my best to make it to 34 weeks, at least.
But gals, I must say, this is tough! For me, it's even tougher than the many two week waits I endured. At least during those times there are all sorts of things you can do to feel like you are setting yourself up for success (exercise, acupuncture, distractions, relaxing, massage, etc.). Right now I really can do nothing, except rest and do nothing. Do you know how hard that is for me? Mostly I can put these thoughts aside and distract myself with meaningless things (books, TV, knitting), but occasionally the emotions take over and just need a place to come out. All I can hold onto to get me through is the thought of the great reward at the end. I just can't wait to meet these little beings living inside of me. I am so filled with excitement and anticipation!
(Oh, and as an aside, my complaining this morning achieved something. The diabetic nurse only wants me to test my blood sugar in the morning and after one meal now, rather than 4x/day. That's a start!)
If you want to read a great post from a father whose wife was on bed rest, check this out. I think every male whose wife is on bed rest should take a read.
http://m.lifeofdad.com/blog_post.php?pid=9839
I like to think of my self as a GD survivor. My numbers weren't bad for my testing either, but they got worse as my pregnancy continued and I was diagnosed at 17 weeks. You can do this. I know it's hard. REALLY hard for you because of the whole bed rest thing, but I know you can do it. Yeah it sucks not being able to eat what you want when you want, but if it means your babies are healthy, then it's worth it. Trust me I know how much it sucks. Sending hugs and love and hopes for good bed time snacks...PS ice cream is a good one because it's a great combo of protein and carbs, especially if you get something nutty. Peanut butter-chocolate is my favorite :)
ReplyDeleteI can only imagine how tough bed rest is- I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this. But keep cooking those babies! Are there any shows you can binge watch via Netflix or something?
ReplyDeleteIt must be torture! Complain away! You are doing a great job Mama! Keep on truckin along. Those babies will come an you'll be busy busy and won't remember this time except for fondness of waiting for your babies. Motherhood is very scary sometimes how you have to put your babies first, before your own needs. It's scary but wonderful and you'll be so ahead of the game when your babies come and be such a patient person. Hugs!!
ReplyDeleteThere were times when I was on bed rest when I thought I might lose my mind. I remember one day the hospital's AC went out. Keep in mind this was Marxh in Texas, so it's not like it was unbearable, but it was pretty uncomfortable. So I was hot, huge and stuck in my room. I didn't have wheelchair privileges, and they had my door propped open to allow some air flow. All of this would normally not be a big deal, but I had a total meltdown. Total. Meltdown. Pregnancy, especially complicated ones, can do this to you. Don't be too hard on yourself. I remember friends telling me they were jealous because I was on "vacation". Seriously? Looking back, this time in my life was one of the most special and precious periods in my life. I spent a lot of time dreaming about the future and of my 2 little girls...but in the moment it could be rough. Definitely not a vacation!!! Take good care of yourself.
ReplyDeleteBedrest being hard is an understatement. On top of dealing with boredom and soreness from having to lie around all day, you're also dealing with the emotions assosiated with loss of control and uncertainty of your situation. Seriously, it's enough to drive one to drink. You're doing amazingly well, but remember it's okay to have te bad moments. You need to grieve the loss of normal in order to move forward.
ReplyDeleteAs far as being selfish about wanting the babies to come; I get this. I was resolved to an early delivery the hours before my C-section. After all the trauma, it's completely normal.
Hang in there. With each day that passes you have given your twins one more day of advantage and 2 less days in NICU. You've got this.
It has to suck! Complain all you want. I can't imagine what that loss of control feels like on top of everything else you're dealing with. Thinking of you, momma.
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