Roller Coaster Day

(I'll start by saying the babies are fine and this is about my emotional upheaval, not the birth of these babies, just in case you were wondering).

Well today was a day of all sorts of emotions! Shock, excitement, sadness, disbelief. Let me start at the beginning. I woke up and the day began like any other. For some reason (I'm blaming the full moon), I had insomnia last night so I was pretty groggy this morning. I lazed around a bit until the resident and OB came in together to speak to me. Completely out of the blue, they announced that they were hoping to send me home today. What the what?!? The OB explained that I have remained stable, haven't had any bleeding or contractions, do not have risk of placenta previa, and that there is no real reason I need hospital care at this point in time. Basically, my pregnancy at this point is just the same as a regular pregnancy, with some fluctuations with my cervix that require bed rest, which I could be doing at home. However, they wanted to do another ultrasound to check the growth of these babes and wait for my blood work to come back. DH and I were in complete shock!

A little while later I went for my ultrasound. The technician was not sure if she was supposed to check my cervix (internal) but I asked her to. She went to check with a radiologist but he was at lunch so she decided to do the internal anyways, just in case. The growth scan appeared fine from what I could tell, but as soon as she looked at my cervix I could tell it was different than last time (when it was over 3cm). She took a lot of pictures from various angles and went to check with the radiologist. But she would not give me any details. I had a feeling it was not good news.

All afternoon we waited for the results. The nurses kept popping in, all optimistic that I would be leaving in a few hours. So I packed and organized some of my stuff, just in case, but didn't put everything away. I was still in a state of shock, but that shock started to mingle with excitement. The possibility of going home had such a draw. I could sleep in my own bed, eat my own food and, best of all, see my sweet pup! I tried not to get my hopes up, but it was impossible not to. After all, I agreed with the doctor that the main "risk" for me being here has passed and that a lot of the monitoring they are doing is actually unnecessary. As the day went on, I allowed myself to succumb to the excitement of going home.

Finally, at about 4:00 the doctor came in with a sheepish look on her face... And she announced that she could not let me go home. As soon as I saw her I knew what she was going to say, but it still felt like a blow. Apparently my cervix has shortened to 1cm. She said I have a "dynamic" cervix, which means that the clot messed around with it and now it is fluctuating between being long, and shortening. This still puts me at high risk for pre-term labour so they can't let me go home. The plan still is to make it to 32 weeks, and then I should be moved to the closer hospital.

This morning I woke up fine with staying another week. Now, at the end of the day, I want to go home more than ever. I thought this week was going to be easy to get through but now it seems like a huge mountain to overcome. I cried some tears of disappointment, though I do understand the decision and think it is for the best. Can you just say toying with a pregnant lady's emotions???

The news on the babies was great. They are BIG! Baby A is smaller (though right on target for gestational age) at about 3lb, 8oz. Baby B is much bigger at about 4lb, 6oz! Baby B is almost a whole pound bigger than Baby A, and apparently has a much bigger head. This means that we are almost certainly looking at a c-section, because it is likely this trend will continue as they grow bigger (and since Baby A will come out first, the birth canal won't be big enough to accommodate Baby B, which would result in one being delivered vaginally, and one as a c-section... Not ideal). In some ways, this is good news to hear. I was feeling anxious about deciding whether to deliver vaginally, or have an elective c-section. This way the decision is made for me. So, that was the drama of the day. Not something I want to go through again. Though, if anything, I told DH that this could be good preparation in case our kids are in the NICU. From what I hear it is a roller coaster similar to this. Still, it was just a frustrating way to spend the day.