Heart exploding with love!

First off, thanks for all the great comments yesterday!  It truly was a momentous day for us.  I guess I have been holding in some of my excitement, waiting for confirmation that things were okay.  I went into yesterday's ultrasound without anxiety.  I really didn't think anything was wrong, but I just had to see it to be sure.  After we saw both babies wriggling around, something inside me switched over.  I had a couple tears during the u/s, but mostly I was just grinning with excitement.  When we came home, I was a wreck - I couldn't get ANYTHING done!  I just sat on the couch staring at the pictures, holding my belly and trying to get the babies to keep moving so I could feel them.  Suddenly, I became super excited to meet these babies!  I mean, I've always been excited, but now it feels real.  This is really happening.  I know we have a long way to go still, but for the first time, I really feel like a mom to these babies.  They are mine.  Since we knew something was wrong with our last conception pretty much from the beginning, I did not feel like I got attached to that baby.  This is definitely different.  I feel so grateful.  So humbled.  So excited!  I really, just want them to be here already.  I know I need to slow down and enjoy this time, but I am just soooo ready (though I'm also freaked out!).

We are right in the middle of the "decision-making" time about all the major purchases we need to make.  It is driving me mad!  I wish, wish, wish we lived in the old days where there only was one option for crib, or carseat, or stroller.  I wish our world was not filled with toxic chemicals, which are much harder and way more expensive to avoid.  I wish finding the basic essentials for a baby was not so darn expensive (and difficult when living in a small town).  I know I need to not worry about all of this.  I am not worried, or really complaining... these decisions just seem so trivial in light of all we have been through to become parents.  It's frustrating that this is where all the emphasis goes in our culture once the baby has been conceived.  At the same time, DH and I highly value the aesthetics of our home, and creating an artistic, beautiful space.  We don't want to break the bank, but we want our home to be a refuge and a place we love being in, with our family. 

So, instead of stressing, I am trying to keep my focus on healthy eating, connecting with my spouse, spending time with friends and family, and enjoying the gorgeous summer I am anticipating.  I know the rest will get done.