The title name

I had the greatest inspiration to sit down and write a blog post about an hour ago, but I got sidetracked taking a bath after yoga, and now I completely forget what I wanted to write about. Boo!

I do know that I'm having one of those "I'm terribly fat and hate everything about myself" kind of days (or maybe weeks, or months). The only consolation came in someone telling me today that I have movie star hair. This morning it WAS movie star hair. I almost don't want to have bangs cut, which is what I recently decided I would do before my birthday in March. Oh March. Coming ever so swiftly. March, my favorite month. March, when the tulips and daffodils pop up, and the cherry blossoms bloom. March, whereon I hit the dreaded (though dreaded is not even a strong enough word to describe how I feel) big three zero! I'm freaking out more and more as the day comes closer. I never cared so much about hitting 30 before. But now it's different. I never imagined hitting 30 without having a kid. All my imaginings of life after 30 involved being a mom. A young, hip, caring, fun, mom. It's like if I become a mom after I'm 30, I'll instantly lose all ability to have those adjectives before my name. But I don't really care otherwise about turning 30. I am married. I am about to begin my "career" (which I realized, however, I only really wanted in the context of having a family). Maybe that is what all of a sudden hit me. The life I am living now, the life we have planned for and is now upon us, was always planned in my head with a family involved. I don't really want to be "full time" counsellor/career woman. I want to do counselling part-time and be a mom. I don't really want to be a pastor's wife without a family. I want to be a pastoral family with kids. I don't want to live in the valley and thrive upon home-making, and farmer's markets, and a simple lifestyle without kids. I want to raise a family here in the simplistic way that I can't in other cities. I don't want a house that I have to fill with foreign exchange students to feel full. I want a house full of MY kids running around. I figured out what the title of this blog really means to me. I want a family grown in love. I want to have a baby grown at home, and not in a doctor's office full of medical procedures. Home Grown Love. That is what I want.

Home Grown Love