What Blogging Means to Me

I decided to join the PAIL list of bloggers. PAIL stands for Parenting Adoption Infertility & Loss. Besides categorizing different blogs, the site offerrs a monthly topic to ponder and write about. As I've read a few other bloggers, it has sparked me to look at how and why I blog.

 I have been blogging about the topic of infertility for close to 3 years. When I first started my blog, DH and I had been TTC for 4 years on our own. We had just finally reached out for help and were put on a waitlist to see a fertility specialist,while we initated testing with our OB. I wrote in my very first post that, "I decided it might help if I were better able to process some of the feelings and thoughts running through me." This blog became that outlet. At that point, there were very few people who knew of the struggle we were going through. I blogged somewhat anonymously, and have only shared this space with a couple very close friends. I have often wondered about going "public" with these thoughts, but I feel there are many posts I would like to censor and, frankly, I don't have the time to go through all 394 posts. Having said that, I have wrestled with the question of what if someone I knew were to come across this blog and make the connection (I really don't hide my identity that well). I concluded that if anyone I knew were to come across this blog and actually be interested in what it had to say, then I hope it would be of some value to them. Sure, there are posts I might be slightly embarrassed about, but I feel like the people I know would be sensitive enough not to make it a big deal.

Anyways, back to the topic at hand... I can't emphasize how important it has been for me to write throughout this journey. As you may be able to tell (if you've read any of my blog), I am a verbal processor. But infertility is sometimes difficult to verbalize directly to someone else. I found that sitting down and writing allowed me to sort out my thoughts enough to then reach out to the supportive people around me with how I was feeling. It also provided me with a community where others could support and encourage me and where I could read stories of others who have been through similar experiences. I don't think I would have made it this far without those stories. This is the other reason I blog (and have continued to, even while pregnant). I want to show others that there IS hope. I want to help others see that they are not alone in their struggle. I want to provide a place where people struggling with infertility can gain information, learn what works and what doesn't, and feel accepted by strangers they don't even know.

When I became pregnant, and realized the babies were going to stick around, I wrestled with whether to blog about pregnancy or not. I decided to keep blogging because I personally found it valuable to read of other bloggers who struggled with infertility and then became pregnant. Pregnancy after infertility is a whole different ball game than pregnancy without infertility. And, as we all know, pregnancy does not resolve infertility. There still are struggles I have as I await the birth of these precious little ones. After they are born, I do plan to continue blogging about infertility, but also about parenting. I do not want to overwhelm my blog with babies, but I want to touch on the aspects that I think others will find helpful. Plus, I have made quite a few "friends" through the blog community and, of course, I want to share my joy with them. The question of sensitivity to those who are "still in the trenches" has been raised, and I do understand it. When I first started blogging I remember going through the blogroll, looking for other bloggers with whom I could relate. So many of the blogs I visited were new parents, were expecting, or only blogged about their kids. It was frustrating! And yet, it was hopeful at the same time. I knew that if they had done it, there was still a chance we could too. I resolved this (as best as I could), by making sure my blog specifies that it is both about parenting AND infertility. If people don't want to read it, I am not offended in the least. For me, my blog has always been foremost for me. I don't blog for recognition. I don't blog to make money. I blog to give my thoughts a space of their own. I could blog privately, but I know that what I have to say might benefit others. So I put myself out there. And that is why I blog.