Oct. 29 Photo of the day

New digs!  These boys are out of the incubators and into "big boy beds" (open air cots). Hopefully their bilirubin levels stay low so they don't have to go under the lights again. We got to dress them and bundle them under piles of blankets. So cute!!!

Day 9 NICU: Having a day

 I'm having a hard day today.

The boys are doing fantastic in the NICU.  They are both feeding champs and have put on weight the past 2 days, rather than going down.  Hopefully they keep it up till they reach their birth weight again.  They still are being tube fed for some feedings, but are gaining more strength and doing longer feeds from the breast and bottle.  Both of their bilirubin levels have been up and down so they have been on and off the jaundice lights.  Hopefully they stay steady for a bit now and then they can be transferred to open cots instead of the isolettes.  We gave each of them their first sponge bath.  One liked it, the other did not.  But the cuddles afterwards when they were wrapped up in warm blankets were definitely loved!  The nurses keep telling us that once they start eating well, things often progress really quickly.  It's like a switch goes on and they usually go home within a few days.  I am preparing for us to be here at least till their twin date (Nov. 8th) but I'd love to go home earlier!

Today I just felt lonely and isolated.  Living in a crappy motel in a town that is not yours while your babies are in the NICU is HARD!  When we are not at the hospital, we are in the motel watching TV and eating take-out, or sleeping.  We have a tiny kitchen and try to eat breakfast and lunch here, but it's just not ideal.  I miss my house.  I miss my dog so much!  I just want our family to be at home all together.

I had a rough day on Friday too.  I ended up bleeding a bunch more and since I don't have a doctor here, the nurse sent me to emergency to see a doctor.  An ultrasound showed that I had retained pregnancy tissue in my uterus and I was given misoprostol to work it out.  Before I could take it, though, I started bleeding really heavily and went back to emergency.  I was admitted and ended up being monitored there for 5 hours after taking the misoprostol.  We didn't realize it at the time, but the misoprostol has side effects, such as uncontrollable shaking and fever.  I thought it was from the bleeding and it was just a real scary time.  I was so upset with having to be away from the boys.  Luckily, they had a really good nurse on and I had enough milk stocked to last the night so when I was discharged we were able to go back and rest.  I think the experience just was really draining on both DH and I.  He had a bad day yesterday, and I did today.  Parenting through that kind of stress is tough.  Being all alone through it is tough too.  Hopefully tomorrow we will wake up feeling refreshed and recovered to get back in the swing of things again.

Twin Foxes Birth Story

Well, it's a long one, but if you want to read it, here it is!

Twin Foxes Birth Story

Oct. 16th

The official birth story starts on Oct. 16th at Jeneece Place (the housing unit we were staying at). After having a regular, good day, I took a nap. When I woke up I wasn't feeling great and was stretching on the bed when I all of a sudden felt a gush. I excitedly got up and told DH that I thought my water was breaking. I ran to the washroom and sat on the toilet and saw that it was actually blood. It was gushing though and I thought maybe it was mixed with my water breaking.  Once it subsided a bit, I called L&D to tell them we were coming in, and DH wheeled me over to the hospital. They were all waiting for me (having known my history) and admitted me right away (the OB who had admitted me was even there and said I did great for holding out so long).

While there they tried to check to see if it was my water that had broken, but there was too much blood so they couldn't get a good read. I was having contractions but they were not regular or very strong. I guess they did make the call that I was likely going into labour, but the problem was that the nursery was full! So after all our waiting, they transferred me to the hospital an hour away from our home.  DH quickly packed up our things and met me there shortly after (I arrived about 11:30pm). That night was pretty restless, with the nurses checking my vitals every 2 hours, the lab in to do blood work, and an early morning wake-up call.

Oct. 17th

In the morning, I was sent for an ultrasound right away to see if we could tell from the fluid levels if my water had broken. There was a student technician doing the measurements, but her supervisor came in at the end. At the same time the OB came in to take a look. They had determined that the fluid was quite low around both babies. The OB also described to us that he was worried that if I hemmoraged again, it could put Baby A at much more risk (and he was worried my previous bleeds had affected him already). Also my platelets were quite low. If they dropped anymore, he said the anesthiologist would deny me an epidural, so I would have to have a c-section for sure. The anesthiologist who was on at the time was willing to give me an epidural with my levels being as low as they were. We were given some time to think through the decision, but determined that it was probably best for them to induce me and get the babies out. I took a shower, and then things really started to happen!

Around 2:00 the anaesthesiologist came in to place the epidural. This is the part I was most scared of, but it actually was not bad at all. Our anesthesiologist was quite a character. He was a tall, shaggy haired man, who spoke in a mumbled voice with a South African accent. He was extremely nonchalant, almost to the point of not seeming to care about what he was doing. But he did a fantastic job! I was also put on oxycotin to start the contractions. For the rest of the afternoon, I did not feel very much but visited and rested. I was confined to bed since my legs became numb with the epidural. Mom and dad were by for a visit and then my best friend arrived to help us along as our doula. That evening was a bit of a blur to me. I don't remember it being painful, but with all the drugs I was a bit out of it. My friend, DH and I visited, the nurses checked my vitals, I was hooked up to the monitors continually to keep an eye on the babies. I was really tired, so I tried to rest and did manage to sleep a bit. DH and my riend dozed by my side. In a way, it was a magical night. Outside there was a full moon (well, technically full the next night) but there was such thick fog you couldn't see it. The streetlights made the fog look orange and beautiful. In the room, we had the lights dim and were playing relaxing music featuring double bass (Garth Stevenson).  I will always remember that time.

The OB came periodically to check me. It wasn't until 11:00pm when things started to get pretty painful, and I was 8cm dilated. I couldn't feel the contractions in the top of my uterus, but with both babies' heads so low, there was extreme pressure/pain down low. The next 3 hours were a blur. As contractions progressed and became more painful, I drew within myself. I close my eyes, breathed through them, worked on relaxation skills, and tapped my fingers (while lying in the bed). DH tried to talk to me at times, but I couldn't really acknowledge their presence. Somehow, this was time for me alone.

At 2:00am the OB checked me and said that I was fully dilated. So, I was wheeled to the OR. While things were getting set up the nurse taught me how to push. DH and my friend held my legs and I worked at finding the right position to push. Since I had the epidural I couldn't feel all the contractions, but the nurse directed me. At one point, though, I stopped needing direction as I could tell when contractions were coming and I had to tell the people supporting me to get in place. It was about an hour of pushing before Baby A (Rivers) made his appearance! Once his head had appeared, I just needed to get him out. I pushed so hard! Everyone was giddy and excited as they could see his head full of hair. He had a short umbilical cord and was placed on my belly but could not make it up to my chest. DH cut his cord and looked to see that he was a boy! We were so surprised as we thought he was a girl.   The nurses were most concerned about him so he was taken away pretty quickly to be examined and DH went with him.

I spent some time trying to rest and recover but soon wanted to get the show on the road and get Baby B out! I think they turned up the oxycotin to increase my contractions, since labour was not getting going quickly again on its own. I thought it might only be a few more minutes/pushes until Baby B showed up. Boy was I wrong! Baby B must have been very comfortable and took his time coming down to the birth canal. I was pushing as hard as I could (even harder than before) but it really felt like nothing was happening. I was exhausted from pushing out Rivers, and not eating since noon the day before, but I just had to keep pushing. I remember it being so frustrating because it felt like nothing was happening, even though each push WAS directing him the right way. It was nearly a full 2 hours of pushing before the weight of his head entered the birth canal and he was ready to come out. Seriously, I did not think I was going to make it though that time. I kept telling the nurses that I couldn't do it... That I was way too tired. I didn't want a c-section, but I honestly did not think it was going to ever end. Finally it did though. I was nearly delirious from exhaustion but all of a sudden people were excited around me and told me he was coming out. The nurse kept telling me to look down to see his head, and I remember just being so angry at her. I didn't want to look! I just wanted to get that baby out! Then, at 5:22am, Micah Jude was born. As the cord was cut, we were all asking DH to say what he was, and DH was just smiling giddily not really comprehending. Finally he looked and announced that it was a boy. Micah was placed up on my chest and I was given longer to spend time with him. That moment will be forever engrained in my heart.

They took him to be checked over and DH went with him. Next it was time to deliver the placenta. I was worried this would hurt but it was super easy and came out in a couple pushes. Interestingly, the placentas were partially fused together. The doctor checked me out and said their was minor tearing so he put 4 stitches in. I just remember feeling so exhausted. All I wanted was to close my eyes and rest. Finally things were cleaned up enough and I was wheeled back to my room. The babies were being settled in the nursery with DH and I was given a chance to rest. I must have been so tired because I wasn't worried about the babies and was able to zonk out for an hour or two immediately. And then it was the "start of the day" and we began our journey with preemies in the NICU. Our first visit to see them is a blur, but they were tucked away in their incubators keeping safe. They were hooked up to the monitors, on IV, and given feeding tubes, but they were as sweet as ever! We were able to give them little cuddles for a short period of time. They needed their rest, and we did too.

And that's the story of the birth of my twin foxes.  It took me a little while to recover emotionally from all the craziness but as I am settling into things, I find myself so in love with these little guys.  I didn't know my heart could be this full.

One week!

Today marks one week since my precious boys entered this world.  One week already!  It has been a whirlwind full of highs and lows, but I wouldn't trade it for a thing. My love for these babies grows stronger every day.  

They are doing well and continuing to gain strength. Breastfeeding is going well for them both and Baby A is gaining weight. Baby B has been under the lights for jaundice so his growth has been a bit slower.  We are also working on bottle feeding and hope to transition out of the isolette in the next few days. 

We are doing well getting into a routine of things. Today, though, I am back at the doctors for increased bleeding/clots. I will have an ultrasound this afternoon to rule out any retained placenta. Otherwise I feel great and am excited for what's ahead. 

I have the boys the knitted preemie hats I had made today for their one week birthday. I'll try to get some pictures later. 

NICU Update: Day 4

Hey everyone,

Thought I'd do a bit of an update to let you know how our boys are doing here at the NICU.  Wow, as much as I had read about life in the NICU, you can not be prepared for the intensity of what it is like.  Overall, our boys are doing very well and we are so fortunate that they do not have many more concerns.  Their breathing (heart and lungs) don't seem to have any problems at all (whew!).  The biggest thing we are working on right now is their feedings.  They are both being tube fed (through the nose) and their food is given through a pump that gives out a certain amount over the period of an hour.  They both have been spewing up their food and retaining a lot of air in their bellies, which is not helping them gain the weight and strength they need.  They also are borderline for jaundice so they are being treated under the lights.  R has had  few apnea episodes, but the nurses think it is just when he is spewing and his body is actually protecting him by not allowing him to choke on the spew.

Today was a good day, though!  The twins had their IVs taken out (from antibiotics and extra fluids), they learned through the night to suck on a pacifier, AND (best of all) they each got their first chance at the breast!  Both were able to latch on right away, but it still is such a big task for little guys that they did not last long.  As soon as they tired, we just moved them to kangaroo care position and I got to cuddle them while they received the rest of their food through the tube.  That was so special!  We will try to keep that up as they build up strength to be able to breastfeed.  My milk has come in and I am now producing enough that they don't neeed to be supplemented with formula (hooray!!). Hopefully that trend continues.

As for me (and my hubby), I am recovering fantastically physically from labour.  Yesterday the day 3 baby blues hit, and they still are lingering, but I'm getting by.  What has been hardest is having people not understand how difficult this really is.  It's not like struggling with infertility for 6 years, experiencing a miscarriage, and having a complicated pregnancy were enough... now we have babies that are in the NICU.  That is the intensive care unit!  We are receiving lots of congratulations (which we love), but nobody has acknowledged how difficult this part of the journey is.  Everyone just expects that things are all peachy keen now that the babies are "safely out."  Things ARE peachy keen and we are so happy, but this is another challenge to deal with and it is truly tough!

Tomorrow I am likely being discharged.  This is a whole other scary thing to deal with, but I'm trying not to think about it too much until it happens.  Remember, we don't live in this city, so we will likely be staying in a hotel (or a family friend's house) and commuting back and forth to the hospital to be with the babes as much as possible.  It's going to be so hard being far away from them, but harder too to manage the scheduling of pumping, feeding, cuddling, getting rest, eating properly, etc.  But again, we will deal with it when it happens.  We don't really have another choice.

So, that is where we are at now.  I will try to update from time to time.  It's nice to sit down and make some sense of what is going on, but it is also nice to nap (and that is my first priority!).

Photo Op

I'm planning to post a bit later today when I have a moment to catch my breath, but couldn't help but share a photo to make you smile. These boys are 

some serious charmers already!  

Please meet our twin boys!

Everyone, I would love to introduce you to our twin boys, born earlier this morning (Oct. 18th) at 3:37am and 5:30am.  

Baby A = Rivers Josiah (4lb,12oz)

Baby B = Micah Jude (5lb, 9oz)

Both babies are wonderful and healthy and just spending time in the NICU to be monitored. Mama is in good shape, though exhausted (will write the birth story later). Babies were born vaginally without a c-section....hooray!  They are rock stars and we love them so much already.