Sunday musings

I'm having a lovely morning today.  I skipped church to have a morning at home to myself.  The candles are lit, the coffee is made, and Ryan Adams Heartbreaker is playing on the record player.  This is better than church any day, haha.

It is so great to be alone finally.  DH and I both took the week between Christmas and New Year's off.  We had planned to hang out with friends and family, go snowshoeing, and have some other adventures.  With him being so sick, we spent the whole week on the couch watching TV.  We also were together 24/7 and hardly saw anyone else.  I think it was a little too much for both of us!  I mentioned briefly before that the tension built and built until finally it exploded... on our anniversary of all days!  That evening we had a huge fight.  I really have no idea what it was all about.  DH was in a grumpy mood from the start of the day and I think I had just had enough.  We didn't do anything for our anniversary.  We ended up having lunch out with friends after church and then a walk on the beach.  We bought a cake and came home to watch a movie, and then the fight ensued.  Fortunately it blew over quite quickly and even now the details are fuzzy to me (though at the time it was a big one... I even texted my girlfriends for some support, which I don't normally do).  I should write a post about fighting another time.  I have lots of thoughts/questions for all of you out there! 

Anyways, I was really, really glad to start my new job this week and have an ounce of independence again.  It went well and I think I will enjoy it, even though it only is a 4-month contract.  I'm also looking forward to the income it will bring in!  As much as it was nice to be out of the house for a bit, though, I really love my time alone in the home.  DH hasn't been working much this week, though, so this is the first time I am alone.  Something about having the house to myself just restores my soul.  I need to do some cleaning/decluttering to be completely at ease, but still this is nice.  I'm working on a few projects and hope to post some pictures later on. 

When I look back at the holidays for 2012, there are some special moments that stand out.  As much as it sucked to have DH sick, it was kind of romantic cuddled up by the fire as a family (me, him and our dog) doing nothing.  We drank a lot of rum and coke and just did whatever we felt like.  The snow we had over those 2 weeks was magical and fun.  I did get out cross country skiing with my mom once, and DH and I went for our traditional New Year's snowshoe (though we normally do it on New Year's eve, but since his coughing fits come at nighttime we decided to go in the day instead).  Our home was cozy and beautiful with the twinkling lights and Christmas tree.  All in all, I think it provided a bittersweet time of grieving and building some hope for the future. 

I don't know what the future holds right now, but the story is not over yet.  In our fighting, DH said he was exhausted and finished with trying to have a family.  We spoke briefly last night though, and he said he still does want a family.  He is just burnt out and exhausted from trying.  I understand that.  I think I am ready to get back at it again (I don't think I ever really stopped wanting to try).  My guess is that we will try one more IUI in the next few months.  After that, who knows?  I am surprising myself with considering doing IVF.  Due to our situation, it might be the best shot, but it is something we never really considered.  I'll write more about my thoughts about it another time.  I'm also really open to adoption.  I contacted the local agency already and have the initial papers, but DH is not ready to even look at them yet.  But I think this is the year we need to make some hard decisions.  I turn 32 this year, and with my egg quality/quantity diminishing, we don't have much time left.  I'm hoping to save, save, save $$$ the next few months, and then we can decide what is ahead! 

So there are my rambling thoughts for today.  Here are a few pics from the holidays I'll leave you with!

Cross country skiing

My prezzies from DH

New Year's Snowshoe!

So pretty!

New hair for the New Year!