Sex, after pregnancy, after infertility

This post is not just about sex... I just thought that was a catchy title.

This post is about the loss of pleasure in all aspects of life I normally enjoy.  It's not a depression thing.  I've been depressed before and I don't feel that way at all.  I just feel like I have an inability to enjoy the things that normally bring me great enjoyment.  Sex is one of them. 

People always talk about the way that infertility affects your sex life.  Well let me tell you, if you're not one of those lucky people whose hormones rage to let you enjoy sex more once you're pregnant, you are out of luck.  I seem to be one of those people.  At least right now.  It started off with a fear and worry of not wanting to "get in the way" of anything that might be going on in there.  As much as they say that sex can't affect a baby, it just doesn't seem to be intuitive to mess around in there too much.  After the u/s, DH became paranoid and didn't want to disturb things either.  And since that time, I have felt fat, nauseaus, grumpy, and plain old not in the mood.  Hopefully things will change once we reach the second trimester.

The other thing I have stopped enjoying is food!  This seems counter-productive as I am hungry ALL the time!  I have moments of feeling ravenous, but once I eat, I don't actually enjoy the food.  I have aversions to food, but so far no major cravings.  Sometimes I'll have a craving but by the time I get to it, I don't actually care for what I am eating any longer.  And this is the one time I have license to eat whatever I want!  Haha...ironic!

Other than that, I am going about my daily routine and activities, but not really enjoying things...drinking tea...visiting with friends...walking in the sunshine.  I guess I would attribute it to just feeling a bit icky all the time. 

Let me say though, I am NOT complaining!  I just found this to be an interesting observation about being pregnant.  I actually kind of enjoy the license not to enjoy things.  There is no pressure and if I don't feel like doing something, I just don't have to!  Every day that passes fills me with greater excitement about these little beings growing inside of me.  Part of me feels guarded still and is not feeling super attached, and yet I another part of me is longing for the permission to bond with these babies.  I think it is a natural process that will unfold in the right time.  Tomorrow I am off to the OB... I will update you on how it goes!