What a day of milestones. My blog just hit its1000th pageview. Thanks to those who have followed and checked up on me from time to time. I read a blog the other day (can't remember where) about how blogging is like writing in a journal, except there are others to read and to say, "me too!" It brings people together and all helps us know we're not alone.
So thank you!
Saturday, February 11, 2012
100th Extravaganza!
Today's post it a little bit special. It is my 100th blog post! I don't have much to celebrate or mark the occasion with, but I thought I'd share a few other blogs that I really enjoy reading. These are not IF blogs, but other places I like to hang out when I'm looking for some inspiration. Hope you enjoy!
Homegrown Happy is the blog that gave me the inspiration for my blog name. She doesn't post too much lately, but there are some great older posts in there if you don't mind looking back.
A Beach Cottage is a lovely blog by a writer in Australia. She perfects the art of coastal living and white rooms. Sigh. I just feel so peaceful when I read her blog.
This fantastic couple at Mr and Mrs Globe Trot decided to travel the world for a year after they were married (maybe not a full year, but they certainly made their way around). They are photographers and documented there whole journey here.
I love looking for inspiration on healthy cooking at The Whole Life Nutrition.
And I pretty much check this blog daily. A Cup of Jo is written by a New York new mom and full of great ideas and links around the web.
French Press Knits offers lots of suggestions of great knitting projects. My list of projects is too long, and just keeps growing...
Finally, the writer at this blog is just incredible! I can't believe her sense of organization and home style. She will really blow her mind. Check out her "pantry" to see what I mean.
Hope you have a nice time reading!
I'll show you a little bit of what my day looked like today:
Homegrown Happy is the blog that gave me the inspiration for my blog name. She doesn't post too much lately, but there are some great older posts in there if you don't mind looking back.
A Beach Cottage is a lovely blog by a writer in Australia. She perfects the art of coastal living and white rooms. Sigh. I just feel so peaceful when I read her blog.
This fantastic couple at Mr and Mrs Globe Trot decided to travel the world for a year after they were married (maybe not a full year, but they certainly made their way around). They are photographers and documented there whole journey here.
I love looking for inspiration on healthy cooking at The Whole Life Nutrition.
And I pretty much check this blog daily. A Cup of Jo is written by a New York new mom and full of great ideas and links around the web.
French Press Knits offers lots of suggestions of great knitting projects. My list of projects is too long, and just keeps growing...
Finally, the writer at this blog is just incredible! I can't believe her sense of organization and home style. She will really blow her mind. Check out her "pantry" to see what I mean.
Hope you have a nice time reading!
I'll show you a little bit of what my day looked like today:
Morning walk to the beach with the dog
Leisurely brunch
Afternoon baking
Hope your day was enjoyable too!
Friday, February 10, 2012
Stress abounds
I don't know why, but I had such an emotional, overwhelming day today. It was supposed to be a good day, with a financial meeting in the morning and then my naturopathic appointment followed by a massage. Well the meeting went WAY longer than I anticipated. It didn't help having to talk about RRSPs and where we plan to be 35 years from now. Clearly, where we "want" to be isn't as easy as we had hoped, so worrying if we'll have enough money does not seem to help.
Then I went to my ND and the appointment just wasn't that helpful. She was worried when she saw how high my estrogen levels were last ovulation (over 4000). That got me thinking about the risks of other diseases like cancer and wondering if these fertility treatments/drugs have been really studied for long-term effects. Am I just opening myself up to higher risk in the long run? Is a baby really worth that? Should we just give up trying and wait for something to happen naturally. We talked about my stomach issues and she's convinced it's food allergies. Well in the midst of fertility treatments, who has an extra $350 to spend on finding out what the allergy is? So, my only option is to suffer through until I can do more testing (or continue eliminating foods to try to isolate which it is... which I find really hard to do). And we talked about weight loss, but she said it's doubtful that will happen while I'm on the fertility drugs. So, yay! Pretty much nothing can be done. I just need to conceive a darn baby and then I can focus on all the other issues in my life. Hooray!
After that I went for a massage. That was good. I was pretty much shaking from the stress of the day and having to rush all around since that first appointment was late. I had a good massage, and she did a bit of an abdomen massage and we talked about my stomach stuff. She told me her story of giving up coffee completely and all of her unexplained stomach problems went away. That's one thing I can try (as much as I'll miss a nice cup of fresh brewed espresso now and then). It's definitely worth a shot. When I came home from the massage and getting some groceries, though, I just felt a bit sickish and went to lie down. I slept for almost 2 hours! And then when I woke up, I was feeling a bit woozy, and my neck was sore and my stomach felt in knots. I know that I am slightly sensitive to treatments that release toxins (like massage, chiropractor). I also hadn't drank enough water. I think the abdomen massage was just too much (even though she just did a light one), because I still feel like crap.
I guess I am just fed up with it all today. They tell us not to be stressed and relax... but that is pretty near impossible with all the "things" you have to do to maintain health and prepare your body to be ready for a baby. Throw in the crazy whack of hormones, and you're a lost cause! Maybe we're not supposed to manipulate everything like we try to do. Maybe we're not supposed to have a baby in our lives. Maybe we should just give up and become an old miser couple together...
I don't want to be so stressed. Lately, no matter what I do, or how hard I try to care for myself, I just can't seem to get it.
Then I went to my ND and the appointment just wasn't that helpful. She was worried when she saw how high my estrogen levels were last ovulation (over 4000). That got me thinking about the risks of other diseases like cancer and wondering if these fertility treatments/drugs have been really studied for long-term effects. Am I just opening myself up to higher risk in the long run? Is a baby really worth that? Should we just give up trying and wait for something to happen naturally. We talked about my stomach issues and she's convinced it's food allergies. Well in the midst of fertility treatments, who has an extra $350 to spend on finding out what the allergy is? So, my only option is to suffer through until I can do more testing (or continue eliminating foods to try to isolate which it is... which I find really hard to do). And we talked about weight loss, but she said it's doubtful that will happen while I'm on the fertility drugs. So, yay! Pretty much nothing can be done. I just need to conceive a darn baby and then I can focus on all the other issues in my life. Hooray!
After that I went for a massage. That was good. I was pretty much shaking from the stress of the day and having to rush all around since that first appointment was late. I had a good massage, and she did a bit of an abdomen massage and we talked about my stomach stuff. She told me her story of giving up coffee completely and all of her unexplained stomach problems went away. That's one thing I can try (as much as I'll miss a nice cup of fresh brewed espresso now and then). It's definitely worth a shot. When I came home from the massage and getting some groceries, though, I just felt a bit sickish and went to lie down. I slept for almost 2 hours! And then when I woke up, I was feeling a bit woozy, and my neck was sore and my stomach felt in knots. I know that I am slightly sensitive to treatments that release toxins (like massage, chiropractor). I also hadn't drank enough water. I think the abdomen massage was just too much (even though she just did a light one), because I still feel like crap.
I guess I am just fed up with it all today. They tell us not to be stressed and relax... but that is pretty near impossible with all the "things" you have to do to maintain health and prepare your body to be ready for a baby. Throw in the crazy whack of hormones, and you're a lost cause! Maybe we're not supposed to manipulate everything like we try to do. Maybe we're not supposed to have a baby in our lives. Maybe we should just give up and become an old miser couple together...
I don't want to be so stressed. Lately, no matter what I do, or how hard I try to care for myself, I just can't seem to get it.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Good news
I spoke with the clinic after they took my message to the doctor. And hooray! The doctor IS willing to monitor me, if I am willing to make the 3 hour drive for check-up appointments. I think I will just try to make it work. At first she said that he would like me to come in on CD13 to check how I am progressing. After we talked a bit about my early ovulation, she said I could also come in on CD1, 2 or 3 for a baseline ultrasound as well. If I stay on course this cycle, that just might work! I would prefer to do that, since I apparently ovulated super early anyways. The Dr. said that the pains I have been having were likely to do with ovulation, but that doesn't make sense if I ovulated on CD9. By CD14, it should have been done. I think I will take them up on the offer. I would rather go through this with as much information about what's going on in there as possible.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Grrr!
I'm feeling a little bit "grr" today. I called the Fertility Clinic this morning to ask them some questions. After explaining who I was, the girl clued in about my situation this month and reminded me AGAIN to make sure to call the clinic on the days I do bloodwork. That was not necessary.
Anyways, I wanted to ask them about the pains I have been having on clomid. Usually, right around day 14 (whether I surge early or not), I have a lot of pain in my abdomen. And it's been growing. It feels like my whole abdomen is inflammed. It's not just bloated, but a different kind of pain. DH came to give me a hug the other day and that was even painful. I am worried that it could be overstimulated ovaries or something like that. So I wanted to let the doctor know. Also, I wanted to ask about my early ovulation and if that could be a problem in TTC. What if my lining is not fully developed at ovulation? What if my eggs are leaving prematuraly? These are important aspects, I would think, of a journey of infertility. I asked if the clinic does U/S monitoring of uterine lining levels and follicles, etc. The girl said that they do, but because I'm from out of town, I am doing self-monitoring. I don't see why I couldn't just go for an U/S here, but she said that they use a special U/S machine (probably the vaginal speculum). So, anyways, she agreed to write down my questions and pass them on to my doctor. It wasn't really helpful and I'm feeling frustrated about the process. I feel like I need an advocate - someone on my side as I navigate through this process. It is tough. I wish I lived closer to the clinic, and could go in for regular monitoring. I wish I didn't have to work, and could take weeks off to go stay near the clinic, if it really would help. I wish the doctors and offices here were more supportive. But it's not the way it is for me. I just feel like we could be wasting precious time here. Sigh.
So I'll wait for a reply (maybe) from the doctor. I am scheduled to see my ND this week, which will be good. She knows a lot about feminine hormones and stuff. I also want to get on top of feeling "better" in general. I'm sick of feeling sick all the time. It's only day 18, so a while to go before we start the cycle again... Trying my best to enjoy day-by-day...
Anyways, I wanted to ask them about the pains I have been having on clomid. Usually, right around day 14 (whether I surge early or not), I have a lot of pain in my abdomen. And it's been growing. It feels like my whole abdomen is inflammed. It's not just bloated, but a different kind of pain. DH came to give me a hug the other day and that was even painful. I am worried that it could be overstimulated ovaries or something like that. So I wanted to let the doctor know. Also, I wanted to ask about my early ovulation and if that could be a problem in TTC. What if my lining is not fully developed at ovulation? What if my eggs are leaving prematuraly? These are important aspects, I would think, of a journey of infertility. I asked if the clinic does U/S monitoring of uterine lining levels and follicles, etc. The girl said that they do, but because I'm from out of town, I am doing self-monitoring. I don't see why I couldn't just go for an U/S here, but she said that they use a special U/S machine (probably the vaginal speculum). So, anyways, she agreed to write down my questions and pass them on to my doctor. It wasn't really helpful and I'm feeling frustrated about the process. I feel like I need an advocate - someone on my side as I navigate through this process. It is tough. I wish I lived closer to the clinic, and could go in for regular monitoring. I wish I didn't have to work, and could take weeks off to go stay near the clinic, if it really would help. I wish the doctors and offices here were more supportive. But it's not the way it is for me. I just feel like we could be wasting precious time here. Sigh.
So I'll wait for a reply (maybe) from the doctor. I am scheduled to see my ND this week, which will be good. She knows a lot about feminine hormones and stuff. I also want to get on top of feeling "better" in general. I'm sick of feeling sick all the time. It's only day 18, so a while to go before we start the cycle again... Trying my best to enjoy day-by-day...
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Vaycay
Back at home. We had a nice time away. It was nice to just stop everything, and just be. Actually, we both were feeling pretty sick. I don't really remember doing much yesterday except sleeping lots. Took the dog for a walk in the morning and then went back to bed. Had some lunch, and then napped some more. Took the dog for a walk and then went out for dinner. Cuddled up with a movie and then back to bed. I guess we really needed the rest.
I asked DH if he had a nice time. He said something that was interesting. He said that he realizes that for me to really come down and truly relax, I need to leave the house. At the house, I'll always find something to do. When I am away I can let myself just be. It's so true.
We didn't really talk about much, except for the drive home. It was kind of like we gave ourselves permission not to stress over anything while we were away. As soon as we were in the car driving home, we started to talk about DH's job and church stuff. And then I suddenly started thinking about our infertility and started crying (I hadn't cried all weekend, it was quite out of the blue). I asked DH if he thought our infertility had brought us together or pulled us apart. He said neither. He said that we are both dealing with it in different ways right now, and so we're not quite on the same page... but it doesn't mean we're being pulled apart. I think he's right. Sometimes I wish he really understood where I was at, but he doesn't always. Sure, I can tell him but he won't ever fully get it... get me. And I think that is okay. As I'm writing this, I think of a blog post over at Hapa Hopes about going for an IUI and her feelings of disappointment. I have to say, I have felt like her at times. Like she says, I too have felt like a B*&$h for being mad at DH and having no clue why he couldn't do something that I saw as so simple. I used to feel so guilty about it, but lately know that I'm not always prepared to deal with what my DH is going through, especially if I don't know what he is going through! I don't know what the answer is, or if there is one. Sure, we could work on communication, but even that wouldn't solve everything. There are some things that we just won't see eye to eye on, or be able to fully 100% support each other in.
We also talked about how this time in our lives sucks simply because we're all alone. I feel like we are stuck, like everyone else has moved forward and we're still in the same place as we were when we got married 6 years ago. Almost all of the couples our age (and younger!) have kids. We are in the same stage of life as people nearly 10 years younger than us who are newly married, or so it seems. There isn't really a place for people in our situation, at least not where we live right now.
Anyways, lots of food for thought. I wanted to share a few photos of our time and the beauty that surrounded us (even though it was cloudy and foggy the whole time... at least it didn't rain). If anyone ever wants to see some of the most amazing beauty you'll ever see, come to Vancouver Island. You're welcome to call me up!
I asked DH if he had a nice time. He said something that was interesting. He said that he realizes that for me to really come down and truly relax, I need to leave the house. At the house, I'll always find something to do. When I am away I can let myself just be. It's so true.
We didn't really talk about much, except for the drive home. It was kind of like we gave ourselves permission not to stress over anything while we were away. As soon as we were in the car driving home, we started to talk about DH's job and church stuff. And then I suddenly started thinking about our infertility and started crying (I hadn't cried all weekend, it was quite out of the blue). I asked DH if he thought our infertility had brought us together or pulled us apart. He said neither. He said that we are both dealing with it in different ways right now, and so we're not quite on the same page... but it doesn't mean we're being pulled apart. I think he's right. Sometimes I wish he really understood where I was at, but he doesn't always. Sure, I can tell him but he won't ever fully get it... get me. And I think that is okay. As I'm writing this, I think of a blog post over at Hapa Hopes about going for an IUI and her feelings of disappointment. I have to say, I have felt like her at times. Like she says, I too have felt like a B*&$h for being mad at DH and having no clue why he couldn't do something that I saw as so simple. I used to feel so guilty about it, but lately know that I'm not always prepared to deal with what my DH is going through, especially if I don't know what he is going through! I don't know what the answer is, or if there is one. Sure, we could work on communication, but even that wouldn't solve everything. There are some things that we just won't see eye to eye on, or be able to fully 100% support each other in.
We also talked about how this time in our lives sucks simply because we're all alone. I feel like we are stuck, like everyone else has moved forward and we're still in the same place as we were when we got married 6 years ago. Almost all of the couples our age (and younger!) have kids. We are in the same stage of life as people nearly 10 years younger than us who are newly married, or so it seems. There isn't really a place for people in our situation, at least not where we live right now.
Anyways, lots of food for thought. I wanted to share a few photos of our time and the beauty that surrounded us (even though it was cloudy and foggy the whole time... at least it didn't rain). If anyone ever wants to see some of the most amazing beauty you'll ever see, come to Vancouver Island. You're welcome to call me up!
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Get-a-way...
We are off to a little cabin suite by a lake for the weekend (leaving tomorrow). I am so excited. I don't think we've been away or had a vacation since September, and that was just 2 nights also. We both are tired and weary. I want to sleep, to read, to knit and not do much else. I'll try not to think about exercising or what I eat. I think I'll even drink some wine. This couldn't have come at a better time.
I'm still doing alright. I'm a bit bummed, but resigned to the fact that this is not our month. Even DH said that he has no hopes and just can't wait for this month to be over so that we can try again next time. It sucks, but there isn't really much else to worry about. It's a bit strange because the clomid did not have the same effect on me this month as it has in the past. First, I ovulated early. Secondly, I was barely grumpy or emotional like I normally am. And thirdly, I did not have terrible ovulation cramps like the previous times. Does this mean it's no longer working as well? I hope not!
Work has been tough the last little while and all of a sudden my life feels really busy. I hope this refresher helps put things back in perspective and gives us a bit of life as we head into whatever lies ahead.
I'm still doing alright. I'm a bit bummed, but resigned to the fact that this is not our month. Even DH said that he has no hopes and just can't wait for this month to be over so that we can try again next time. It sucks, but there isn't really much else to worry about. It's a bit strange because the clomid did not have the same effect on me this month as it has in the past. First, I ovulated early. Secondly, I was barely grumpy or emotional like I normally am. And thirdly, I did not have terrible ovulation cramps like the previous times. Does this mean it's no longer working as well? I hope not!
Work has been tough the last little while and all of a sudden my life feels really busy. I hope this refresher helps put things back in perspective and gives us a bit of life as we head into whatever lies ahead.
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