Vaycay

Back at home.  We had a nice time away.  It was nice to just stop everything, and just be.  Actually, we both were feeling pretty sick.  I don't really remember doing much yesterday except sleeping lots.  Took the dog for a walk in the morning and then went back to bed.  Had some lunch, and then napped some more.  Took the dog for a walk and then went out for dinner.  Cuddled up with a movie and then back to bed.  I guess we really needed the rest.

I asked DH if he had a nice time.  He said something that was interesting.  He said that he realizes that for me to really come down and truly relax, I need to leave the house.  At the house, I'll always find something to do.  When I am away I can let myself just be.  It's so true.

We didn't really talk about much, except for the drive home.  It was kind of like we gave ourselves permission not to stress over anything while we were away.  As soon as we were in the car driving home, we started to talk about DH's job and church stuff.  And then I suddenly started thinking about our infertility and started crying (I hadn't cried all weekend, it was quite out of the blue).  I asked DH if he thought our infertility had brought us together or pulled us apart.  He said neither.  He said that we are both dealing with it in different ways right now, and so we're not quite on the same page... but it doesn't mean we're being pulled apart.  I think he's right.  Sometimes I wish he really understood where I was at, but he doesn't always.  Sure, I can tell him but he won't ever fully get it... get me.  And I think that is okay.  As I'm writing this, I think of a blog post over at Hapa Hopes about going for an IUI and her feelings of disappointment.  I have to say, I have felt like her at times.  Like she says, I too have felt like a B*&$h for being mad at DH and having no clue why he couldn't do something that I saw as so simple.  I used to feel so guilty about it, but lately know that I'm not always prepared to deal with what my DH is going through, especially if I don't know what he is going through!  I don't know what the answer is, or if there is one.  Sure, we could work on communication, but even that wouldn't solve everything.  There are some things that we just won't see eye to eye on, or be able to fully 100% support each other in. 

We also talked about how this time in our lives sucks simply because we're all alone.  I feel like we are stuck, like everyone else has moved forward and we're still in the same place as we were when we got married 6 years ago.  Almost all of the couples our age (and younger!) have kids.  We are in the same stage of life as people nearly 10 years younger than us who are newly married, or so it seems.  There isn't really a place for people in our situation, at least not where we live right now. 

Anyways, lots of food for thought.  I wanted to share a few photos of our time and the beauty that surrounded us (even though it was cloudy and foggy the whole time... at least it didn't rain).  If anyone ever wants to see some of the most amazing beauty you'll ever see, come to Vancouver Island.  You're welcome to call me up!