I really don't know how I am going to make it through this month! Ever since our appointment, and even more since our decision to go ahead with IUI this month, I can't stop thinking about it!!! I came across an endearing story from Infertile Girl over at http://joysofinfertility.com/ who went into a lengthy description of her IVF cycle when asked how her eggs were, when the person asking was only asking how the deviled eggs she was eating were! I completely understood. It is consuming me. And I haven't even gone through the procedure or started the dreaded 2ww. How am I going to survive???
Now I am stressing because AF came early! This means that day 12, when I start daily bloodwork to look for LH surge, is on a Saturday. That is fine, but if there is no surge on the Saturday, I am supposed to test on Sunday... but there is no lab open in our town on Sunday. I can't drive 3 hours just to have bloodwork to see if I'm ovulating! I will have to try using the home ovulation tests, but I have never been able to have success with them (maybe I'm just not doing them right). And, if I do have the LH surge on Saturday, that means we have to go on Sunday for the procedure, but Sunday is DH's busiest day! We couldn't leave until after church and then we'd have to get someone to cover our evening study too. I haven't told DH this yet... I think it will stress him out. If ovulation takes longer, then I am going to have to miss work for a day, which isn't a big deal but I'll have to call in sick even though I don't really get sick days. Aaahh!!! I called the clinic today to see their recommendation (the dr. had told me to call if day 12-14 fell over a weekend) and all they said was wait until we get to then and we'll see. We'll see?!?!?! I am a planner. I need to know what is coming! I'm not good at, "we'll see."
Oh well, it won't be so bad, and it's really not that far away. Like, really not far at all. And I feel strangely hopeful about this, but then I feel mixed too because I don't want to get my hopes up. Basically, I see it this way. We haven't been able to conceive on our own for a number of years. There is nothing visibly wrong that the doctors can find. I'm ovulating, DH's sperm is fine, we do it on the right days and so on. But somewhere, his little guys aren't quite making it to my lady egg, you know what I mean? Or they are, and she is not accepting them, or deciding not to implant or something. So, I feel really positive like if IUI is going to work, it will work right away. The thing is, if it's not going to work, I don't know what we're going to do next. This is kind of it. If it doesn't work, I'm just not sure. And so for now, I will keep hoping and praying. And try not to think about it until I have to.
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