I think I have entered a status I never thought I would be a part of... the "mom" club. Not only did I not think I would ever get to be a part of this club, but I did not really even want to. Let me explain.
I always wanted to have children and be a mom, but I didn't want to associate myself with most of the moms who I knew. These moms spent their days catering to their children's needs, driving them everywhere, obsessing about the last time their child pooped, or how long they slept, and really could not talk about anything BUT their children. I knew that parenting was a big endeavour, but did it really need to overtake their ENTIRE life?!? I felt bitter towards these people, and vowed that if I ever was so lucky to become a mom, I would remain a well-rounded, contributing member of society.
Here I am, many months later, with 3-month old twin boys at home. What do I care about right now? When did the boys last eat? Did they eat enough? RJ hasn't pooped in 3 days! What's on my agenda? Washing bottles, doing laundry, feeding, changing, burping, rocking, sleeping. Checking email... what's that? Reading? Going out with friends? Who has the time? Even if I did hang out with my pre-baby friends, what could I say to contribute to the conversation? My life is only babies right now. I literally do not have the time to even think about anything else going on in the world outside.
But it's okay.
I'm okay with it.
This is just a season. I can round myself out again in the future. For now, I want to just cuddle, and love, and take care of these precious gifts.
On a side note, what is neat about being in the mom club is how I have already made new friends. Since moving here, it has been hard to make friends, since we are older and didn't have kids. We didn't fit with the singles, and we didn't fit with the families. That didn't leave much of a place for DH and I. I don't like the fact that we had to have kids to "fit in" but, I do like the chance that I am getting to meet new people. Right now, I need to talk to other moms. I need to normalize the experience I am going through, and the only ones who can really get it are other twin moms out there. So, for now, I am really grateful! And don't worry - I am still staying connected to my pre-baby friends as best as I can!
It's hard because the first year you are pretty much submerged in the pure survival of looking after your baby and that survival for you is doubled :-) but it does get better! Once the boys are sleeping longer and eating more solids you can start to get a bit of yourself back.
ReplyDeleteI thought the same thing when my eldest was born, I was so tired all the time and I couldn't imagine life ever returning to a point where I wasn't tired all the time. And even though life will never be normal again (and who would want normal) we are in a nice balance of spending our time with our boys, as a couple and getting some me time. Good luck, I love hearing about how your boys are doing and can't believe they are three months already!
Being a mom is that easy, but it's a wonderful feeling to have a baby it's a precious gift from God. At first you really need to adjust but sooner you'll be able to manage it well. Good luck!
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