Bless the Lord, Oh my Soul (keep reading, it's a big one)

(Post written March 15, 2012)

Bless the Lord, Oh my soul and all that is within me bless His holy name!

I want to start off this post with scripture, and soon you'll see why (keep reading, it's an important one!).  This morning I decided to read the book of Psalms in my daily Bible reading.  The Psalms are full of writers pouring out their heart and emotions to God.  Well this morning I certainly felt like pouring out my soul.  It was testing day, and I was a nervous wreck!  I found a Psalm (102) that was completely applicable:

"Hear my prayer, Oh Lord; let my cry come to you!  Do not hide your face from me in the day of my distress!  Incline your ear to me; answer me speedily in the day when I call."

It goes on like this for a while, the writer in utter despair of his situation and calling out to God.  Well, the very next Psalm begins with the line at the start of this post.  Bless the Lord, Oh my soul and all that is within me bless His holy name!  These Scriptures were my prayer for today.

And... without further ado, let me announce.... that my blood test today...

PRODUCED A ***BFP***

The First BFP that I have EVER seen.  So, until we hear otherwise... I am officially PREGNANT!

Let me tell you how it went.

This morning I had to go to work early (9:00) so set my alarm early to decide if I wanted to go for my bloodwork today or wait till tomorrow.  I POAS and it was negative.  I wasn't banking on it being positive.  But, I decided I'd go for bloodwork so that at least we'd know whether to grieve, or celebrate this upcoming weekend.  So I went and got it done with and made my way to work.  Luckily, I had 2 new clients and so it was busy and I was occupied.  But when I was done at 1:00, I was shaking.  I checked my online results, but they weren't in yet.  I went for a grocery shop.  I rushed home and checked online again.  Nothing.  It was nearly 3:00 then, so I hung out with DH and killed some time before I called my fertility clinic (for my other bloodwork they always instructed me to call at 3:00, so I thought I'd try).  The receptionist told me that my Dr. had left early for the day, but that she'd have a nurse call me back before the end of the day (4:30).  This was the longest 2 hours of my life!  I decided to go to the gym because I needed to do something with all my anxious energy.  DH decided to go play guitar (his go-to stress release).  I didn't work out too hard, but I noticed my heart rate got super high, super quick.  Not sure if it was the anxiety, or something else...  Kept trying to check my results online, but couldn't get on the network at the gym.  Went home.  Checked online.  Still nothing.  By now it was after 4:00 and I still hadn't heard anything from the clinic.  I decided to take the dog for a walk, and told DH I'd come right home if they called.  So I started walking.  About half way through my walk (right when I was at the mid-point where it was the same length to go back, or keep going to get to my house, I decided to check online again (smartphones are just great, hey?).  Well, to my utter surprise, this is what I saw:

Unfortunately, it was just a qualitative Hcg so I don't know what my actual beta numbers are.  BUT IT SAID POSITIVE!  I tried to walk home as quick as I could, without overdoing it... and found DH still on his guitars.  I still had not received a call from the clinic, but I told him to stop what he was doing because he may want to remember this moment forever.  Then I showed him my phone!  We both couldn't believe it!  He gave me the hugest kiss and just had this crazy look on his face.  Wish I had caught it on camera. 

Both of us were still hesitant to believe... thinking there could have been a mistake or something.  Luckily, about 15 minutes later the clinic called.  I told the nurse that I had seen my results online, and that I was freaking out wondering if it were true.  Sure enough, she said it was!  I asked about my beta levels and she said I could go back for a blood test next week to check them if I'd like.  Of course I said yes.  Other than that, there was not much for her to say.  She told me that I am 4 weeks today!  We booked our first ultrasound at 7 weeks (that's only 3 weeks away, holy moley!).  And she said to call if I had questions, or was cramping or bleeding.  Of course I had already planned to do that.  And that was it.

DH and I had no idea what to do next, but luckily my parents were coming over for dinner so we had to get ready and stuff.  We decided not to tell them yet.  We'd like some more definitive information and maybe  a plan of a special way to let them know.  We still don't really feel like it's true.  I'm googling false positives like crazy!  Since I haven't had a positive HPT, I'm worried that there's some mistake.  But then I do have some symptoms too (those I'll share on a different day).

My parents are now gone and I wanted to get this story down before I forgot any details.  I think I will actually sleep alright tonight.  Part of me doesn't fully believe it.  I want to POAS tomorrow to see if that confirms anything.  If not, I'm not sure what I'll do.  Right now, I just need to think one moment at a time.  We've NEVER had any sort of positive on a pregnancy test before, and these are usually the most valid.  That is something I can relax in and believe until proven otherwise (I'd just sure like to know my betas).

If it is, indeed true, we will be due Nov. 22, 2012.  And I'll have become pregnant while I am still 30 (with a mere two weeks to go).  God is good!