The day after the BFP

Friday, March 16, 2012

I couldn't sleep at all last night.  I tossed and turned like crazy.

This morning we woke up and DH told me to go do a pee test.  So, I did.  I decided to use 2 tests - one ClearBlue and one of the kind I had been using (a bulk pack of test from saveontests.com).  Well, looks like the tests I have been using are a dud.  Within 40 seconds, there was a definite BFP on the ClearBlue test and a negative on the other one.  Again, I couldn't believe it.  I was shocked.

I really, really wanted the pee test today to be positive.  I felt like I could believe the blood test if it was also confirmed with a pee test.  And it was.  I am so happy!  We lay back in bed, trying to absorb this life-changing information.  DH started to freak out (in a good way), and said, "Oh man, shit just got real.  Now I have to go out and become a man."  Haha, it was so funny!

Once we made our way out of bed, we sat in the living room, contemplating all sorts of things that we have not allowed ourselves to think about so far.  My job, finances, house arrangement, car....  naturally our minds went to all the big areas.  Of course, I've been thinking of these things already for months, but this was the first time we were able to talk about them.  We can't get to much ahead of ourselves, I know.  But it was so exciting to let these things out for the first time.

I really have no idea what to do with myself now.  All I want to think about is having a baby, and what that means.  At the same time, I have this niggling of what if it doesn't work.  I don't want to go there, but after all we've seen and the knowledge we now have, it still scares me.

I'm glad today is our day off.  We are going to go and find some way to celebrate.  And I'm going to go buy myself a copy of "What to Expect When You're Expecting."  I've wanted to buy that book for years!  Every time I see it, I longingly look at it, wondering when it will be my turn.  I told myself I couldn't buy it until I received a BFP.  And now that day is here.  Isn't it silly that this is the thing I am most excited about today?  What about you?  What is the one thing you will rush out to do?

Sorry for the all-over-the-place thoughts.  This is a true reflection of where I'm at today.

Stay tuned tomorrow for my post about symptoms and some other exciting news (not about me).  Thanks for all the support everyone!