Losing "control"

Those people who said that life gets easier with twins after the first six months are wrong.  As fun and cuddly and cute as these boys are, they are busy and a handful!  And sleep loss when you have a newborn is one thing...but sleep loss when you have two nearly-toddlers to keep up with is not fun! 

This is a bit of a vent post, so I'll warn you in advance.  Actually, though, I haven't written for a while, but today I really feel the need to process my thoughts, so you people get to be the recipients (lucky you!).

I had a bad day with the boys today.  The whole day wasn't terrible, but we had an awful night last night (one of the worst in the books).  Then MJ decided to skip his morning nap and threw the whole day off.  We had to miss baby group, and the boys' nap schedules were off sync.  That means that the 2-3 hours I usually get to myself was gone.  MJ was just being sooooo difficult!  I don't know if it was teething, or just a restless mind as he tries to conquer standing on his own, but it was so frustrating for me.  All the tricks we normally use to settle him did not work. 

I found out that I really don't roll well with the punches, especially not when I have "plans" that get ruined.  I guess it's an aspect of control.  So, when the night and then the day were thrown off kilter, I just melted down.  Eventually I regrouped.  The boys finally went down together for an afternoon nap and I closed my eyes for 45 minutes.  Once they were up again my mom came to the rescue and took the boys to the park so I could make dinner and have a few moment's silence.  The day ended on a really good note. 

I just really, really, really, really hate it when I get to that point where I feel like I can't handle things!  I wrote about my anxiety a while back, and it really has improved.  But days like today just frustrate me to no end.  I am mostly upset about how upset it made me.  Really, in the grand scheme of things, it wasn't a big deal.  The boys caught up on sleep, I eventually got to shower, and the day ended well.  Just in the moment, I can't snap out of it.  The frustration just ruins me.  And I hate being that way to the boys and to my hubby. 

I guess it's a work in progress.  Sometimes I set expectations too high for myself.

Well I'm beat for today.  I hope to follow this up with some more profound thoughts later on, but right now, I think I just need to go to bed.

Oh, before I forget to mention it.... guess who showed up yesterday?  Good ol' AF.  Nearly 18 months since I've seen that sight.  Can I blame some of my mood on my hormones, haha?!?