Baby Groups Rock

I posted the other day about being lonely, but I must say there is one day a week that I live for: baby group day!  I became part of a preemie mom's group back in January.  The group is now finished for the season, but four of us have continued meeting up weekly at the park, or someone's house.  This group of women is my saving grace!!! 

I never understood baby groups before having babies.  It just seemed kind of lame for mom's to get together with all their babies.. I mean, come on!  Get a life.  Go do stuff.  What's so great about sitting around talking about your babies?  Don't you have anything else to talk about?

BUT... now I get it!  New moms NEED to talk to one another to normalize this crazy ride we are on!  Baby group isn't about letting the babies play together (though that is a welcome side effect - they always sleep better after all that stimulation).  We NEED to talk about what we are going through with our babies.  We NEED advice on how many naps the other babies are taking, how much they are eating, how our bodies have changed, and on and on.  We also NEED to get out of the house, but not in a way that brings pressure (because going anywhere with a new baby is tough work!).  We NEED to talk about just how much our lives have changed since having a baby.  This is one time when hubbies won't cut it.  Only with other moms can you talk about your sex lives (or lack thereof), how much you fart and pee yourself since having a baby, how much you are eating while nursing, and why you cried when trying on a swimsuit you wore last summer. 

And yes, all those topics were covered in a 2-hour playdate this morning. 

I never thought I'd say this, but I love my group of moms. 

It's lonely being a stay-at-home mom

It's lonely being a stay-at-home mom.

It took me six months to realize it.  The first few months are a blur, especially with twins.  You are too busy surviving each day to think about anything more.  After that, you adjust a bit and start to get out and about.  Baby groups, church, and even trips to the park.  Still, it's all baby-focused.  You meet a few people but your only common interest is your babies.  It's wonderful, but "you" don't really get to be known.  By 6 months, you (*fingers crossed*) are sleeping a bit more and feel somewhat more human.  Life has hit a bit of a routine (that still changes day-to-day) and all of a sudden, you have some time to yourself.  What, you say?  Myself?  Who am I now that this time has passed and all of my energy and thoughts have been devoted to my baby(babies) for these past six months?  So you try to re-engage with the friends who disappeared when your life so dramatically changed.  Except it's not quite the same.  You've changed.  Your lifestyle has changed.  You don't have the same things in common anymore.  So you try to pick up the activities you used to do.  Except even they're not the same.  You discover your body isn't quite the way it used to be and things do not come as easily.  You find that it takes too much time to setup any craft/two-handed activity, and by the time you get everything out, the babies are stirring and you have barely even started.  And that spare hour you manage to get to sneak out of the house, is barely enough time to return the item to Walmart, let alone do anything for YOU! 

How DO you reengage and get back to caring for your self after becoming a mom?  It's not as easy as I thought pre-pregnancy.  And it is oh so lonely.  Spending time getting to know these little beings in your life is so wonderful!  It's indescribable, really.  Yet it's hard to find the time or space for myself to be known.  And so I've come to realize that I am lonely right now.

I thought I was okay...

Today started as a wonderful day.  I woke up to fresh snow, took the dog for a walk/play at the park, had a nice up of coffee and spent some time cleaning the house.  Then I decided to pay P&J a visit, since DH was working and I didn't have much else to do.  Despite the fact that they now have a baby, J is still my closest friend here, and I was a bit lonely and needed a friend today.  It was a nice visit.  I had some baby snuggles, did some knitting and we had a nice chat.  I got home, though, and my world felt crushed.  I guess just being there this time it felt like everything was perfect.  He is so cute and perfect.  He does not cry too much (yet).  They have the feeding/sleeping thing down pat.  They are co-sleeping (something we have always wanted to do).  Their lives already have a nice rhythm.  I know things will change, and that it will not always be easy, and that they will have times where they want to pull out their hair.  I know all that.  J is also struggling (I think) with her emotions and maybe a bit of post-partum depression due to the c-section.  I just realized that I would do anything to have what they have right now.  Their current life IS my dream life.  It is what I imagined it being like.  And honestly, I AM SO JEALOUS!  Not jealous in a bad way, like I wish them any harm.  I just want what they have so badly.  And today it really hurts.

I came home and tried to make some plans with DH to do something fun and distract myself from the pain.  He is busy working on the sermon for Sunday and may not be free tonight.  And the thing is, I really don't have any other friends to hang out with.  At least none without kids.  Or ones that are more "takers" than givers.  And none that I can just call up on a whim to hang out with.  I feel so lonely today.

DH gave me a big hug, and I shed a few tears.  When, oh when will it be our turn?

I feel like I should be entering this IUI cycle with a bit more hope and optimism than I currently have.  But I'm not.  I feel like we're just going to throw away our money.  If it hasn't worked all this time, the chances are slim that it will now.  Unless maybe there's something that hasn't been found yet, and maybe IUI will bypass that obstacle and provide some unexpected success.  I feel like if it doesn't work on the first try, it probably won't work at all.  We'll cross that bridge when we get there.