Blah stress!

I'm having a "blah" day today.  Actually it started last night and has carried on, despite the fact that it is a gorgeous sunny, fall, day.  It started when my MIL called.  We didn't get up to the phone but heard the answering machine.  She found us a TCM doctor in a different city and called the clinic to see what days they were available for us to come in and be checked.  Let me rewind and say we NEVER asked her to do this!  Yesterday she called to tell me about this doctor that DH's cousin had seen about seasonal allergies.  She told me that we should go see him.  I said I'd think about it.  Next thing I know, she is calling to make us an appointment!

I have NO intention of seeing another doctor.  We have tried the most up to date medical interventions, done multiple tests, had acupuncture and visited TCM on our own... so I have no faith that another doctor in the mix would help.  The thing is, DH's parents don't know all about our journey and what we have done to get this far, nor do I really want them to know.  There is just a lot about it that they wouldn't understand and it would become too uncomfortable to be around them having them know certain things.

So that set me off.  I hadn't realized how fragile I was feeling, but that made me almost burst into tears.

And, there's more to vent about...

It has been a stressful couple of weeks for DH.  I mentioned before that he had to do this huge exam/oral interview for work.  That has consumed him over the past little while.  Fortunately, I have not been working as much, so I have picked up the slack with the dog, the house, and the people in our lives.  His exam was on Wednesday, and despite all his worries, he passed with flying colors (like I knew he would)!  By the time Wednesday was over, I was just done.  After a few weeks of walking the dog twice a day, making meals, doing all the dishes, cleaning the house, answering phone calls and emails, plus working my own job... I needed a break too!  I knew he would be spent and exhausted afterwards, but since the stress was passed, I hoped he would have a little bit of something to give back.   Or at least some acknowledgement for all the effort I had put into supporting DH.  I know he appreciates it, but I needed him to show me, or something!  

This is where DH and I have a problem.  I am not okay with his stress style.  When he is stressed out, he can only focus on the one issue at hand.  It's like he completely blocks out everything else in his life!  So dishes pile up, laundry is strewn all over the floors, to-do lists are completely forgotten, heck, he won't even eat unless I make him.  Neither will he have any energy to give back to me emotionally, or physically.  When he's had enough of his work for the day, he will sleep, or play guitar to unwind.  Not go for a walk with me, or sit and chat, or anything like that.  And once the stressor is past, he is too exhausted from not taking care of himself, that it takes him a good week to get back to normal.

So let's just say I'm super mad at him!  I don't want to be.  I want to love him.  I want us to get back to normal.  I don't want to be bitter or hold resentment, but right now I do!  Because I really don't think that his whole stress process is fair!  I know not everything in life is fair, but what do you do when one person's style of dealing with stress, just leaves the other person completely isolated and upset?  Will this be a battle we have for the rest of our lives?  Am I really the one who has to change... because I sure as heck do not want to, and I really think HE is the one who needs to!  I feel like for me to give in gives him the authorization that how he acted was okay and reinforces his "bad" behavior.  Can anyone else share their perspective???