No Cysts!!!

AF finally rolled into town so I called up my RE to do the check to see if I had cysts on my ovary.  At our last IUI he was worried that my follicles were measuring the same as the previous month and that they may have been cysts.  So he wanted to see me at my next cycle to check.  But, we didn't feel like going back right away, and then we were away, so I finally had a chance to make the 3-hour trek with a friend yesterday.

And... NO cysts!  Hooray!

I guess it was good to connect with our RE again, since it's been a couple of months (last IUI was in August).  I asked him why he thought we got pregnant on one IUI and not the other two.  Of course, he had no answers.  We talked about next steps.  We still want to take a little break, and with Christmas coming don't want the stress of cycling again too.  But I think we might want to try one more IUI.  He said that would be great to do in the new year.  After that, though, he thinks we should move onto IVF.    He said we are "prime candidates" for IVF; however there still is only a 50% success rate.  At this point, I just don't think we'll pursue IVF.  I would rather start putting money and energy into the adoption process.  But, we'll give IUI one more shot and see what happens.

I didn't end up having an emotional breakdown yesterday like I expected, but I felt pretty emotional inside.  I couldn't help but think that November is the 1-year mark since we first met with the RE and started this whole process of official assisted reproductive therapy.  Multiple trips down to Victoria.  Multiple rounds of clomid.  Multiple hormone swings.  Multiple pounds put on.  Three IUIs.  One pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage.  Multiple hours, and days, and weeks of waiting and hoping... for nothing in the end...

November is also the month that our child would have been born.

I told my friend on the drive home yesterday that if I had any advice for someone starting on the journey of IF, it would be to throw out all timelines of expectation.  Naively, when we started with the RE a year ago (after TTC and doing multiple other tests/interventions for the previous 4 years), I expected things would happen soon.  I thought we would try at least 3 IUIs and be pregnant within the 3-month mark.  I did not anticipate missing the window of ovulation a couple of times, missing a month due to the office being closed over Christmas, missing many more months waiting for our blighted ovum to miscarry, missing months while waiting months for the miscarriage to be over with and my body to get back to normal... so much waiting!  A year later, here we are!   All of that missed time felt like "wasted" time in my life.  It made me mad, it made me bitter, it ruined parts of my life.  If I had of known the waiting was normal, I hope I could have been more gracious to the process.

I'll be glad to have 2012 over.  It definitely was NOT the greatest year of my life.  Let's hope the year ahead will be better to us.