I thought I'd do a quick little update since I hadn't posted in a while. This week was pretty busy and I am wiped from it all. DH's 30th birthday was on Thursday and his brother and his girlfriend came to town for the weekend. So, first of all, getting the house ready and entertaining guests (girlfriend we have only met once) was one thing. Then, on Friday I threw a huge "Dirty 30's" party with a dirty moustache theme. It was really fun, although I am having a hard time enjoying anything these days.... We rented a karaoke machine and spent the night singing our hearts out, eating cake and goodies, and playing some moustache themed games and poker. However, it was simply exhausting! Yesterday was just a recovery day. I felt like I didn't really do much at all, besides party cleanup, taking the dog to the beach and knitting by the Christmas tree. Today was our busy Sunday and that brings me to now.
As for me, I'm pretty sure clomid has more than hormone-altering chemicals in it! I think it also contains "let's make you super depressed and take away all your energy while you gain weight (or have a heck of a time keeping it off)" drugs, which I am not enjoying! The moodiness was one thing, but I could handle that. But the depression is something different altogether. I don't know if it is a result of the drugs, or just the toll of infertility really hitting me. Whatever it is, it sucks and I don't know what to do about it. I just keep hoping and praying that I'll magically be pregnant. (On a note, I really can't tell if my current "symptoms" are out of the ordinary or not. Sometimes a bit of a tug in my abdomen, but that has died down, breakout, extremely tired, and more CM than normal... one more week and we'll find out for sure).
People say the holidays are tough. This is the first year I've really understood that. We don't have much money for presents. My parents have left town and we won't have any family around. Our best friends are having their whole family come, and then due to have a baby shortly after so they will be extremely preoccupied. And all I really, really want is to have our OWN family for the holidays. I don't know how we'll get through. Our exchange student will be here and his sister is visiting so we plan to show them a true Canadian Christmas. But I really don't even want to. I want to sit in my misery and not be bothered. I don't know what I really want if I can't have the one thing I want...
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