(This post was written yesterday and then I took it down and modified it)
Update: today was no better than yesterday.
DH and I had a huge "discussion" and he finally talked about how he was feeling. Afterwards he felt way better (and of course, I did not). Some of the statements said in his extreme exasperation were: "I'm just not sure we
want the same things in life anymore" and, "How are we supposed to stay
together when what you want (speaking of a baby) is completely different
than what I want (not having to "work" at having a baby)?" Oh, and the comment about, "I wanted to marry somebody who
really understood the things I like, like good music, that's really
important to me." Apparently since there is one new band that he likes
and I don't (ONE new band!), he doesn't see how we will ever enjoy our
life together and regrets marrying me?!?!
All in all, it was a bad night for DH. I know he didn't mean what he said in the way that he said it. He is not feeling heard or known right now. And he admitted that that is not my fault, but his fault for being "unknowable." He
sometimes just doesn't know how to share how he's doing and let people
in.
All I know is that I am determined to ENJOY this weekend and the sunshine. We live
in a place that is rainy and gloomy about 75% of the year... so when
that sunshine comes, you HAVE to take advantage of it. I gave up my
desire to go camping since DH didn't want to go but I insisted that we
do a hike/swim tomorrow and head to some islands on Saturday. He was
completely on board... until today. And then his brother decided he was coming to visit us (no notice). I don't care if I have to hitchhike, I AM going to spend time outdoors and enjoy myself!
It sounds like he's in a tough place with the infertility treatments and doesn't really know what he's feeling or how to communicate it to you. I seriously doubt that you WANT to have to "work" to have a baby! But if you don't "work" for it, it might not happen at all! We all want it to be easy!!
ReplyDelete