Identify and infertility

Things are getting slightly better with DH.  He is like a wave that is up and down right now.  The other day he was wonderful and sweet, yesterday when I came home he was grumpy, this morning he was angry and frustrated about stuff at work, after he talked he was nice again... He really is all over the place.  I just have to take a deep breath, and realize that what is going through is not as much about me as it is about everything else (mind you, all of the minor "issues" he has with me are coming to the forefront through this process and that is no fun for me - the truth comes out about all the stuff he dislikes about me, ahhh!).

I read an article that Holly over at Ready to Be a Mom wrote for school about infertility and identity.  Two lines stuck out super strong for where I'm at right now.  First was this one:

 Webb and Daniluk (1999) observed that the men in their study experienced a deep sense of grief, powerlessness, loss of control and personal inadequacy as a result of infertility. This loss of identity and control in one's life is not limited to the area of fertility. Quite often this sense of failure and powerlessness pervades into every aspect of one's life as a result of the feeling of lost control over one's own body and reproductive choices (Letherby 2002). 


Wow!  If that doesn't "sum" up all that is going on with DH, I don't know what does!

The next line summed me up perfectly:

...men and women when faced with threats to their identity or sense of self control, seek to compensate these feelings by exerting more control in other areas of their lives or reaffirming gender roles in alternative ways (Zucker 1999; Webb and Daniluk 1999).

So, I guess we're both just working through our own "stuff" right now, yet it is bleeding over onto one another.  I have to learn not to take things so personally, and recognize that not everyone (even my husband) adores everything about me (haha!).  It's humbling, and difficult at times, but maybe it will make me stronger?