The Year for US!

Happy New Year!  I have been meaning to post for the last day and a half, but I really don't feel like I have much to say (now watch as I ramble on and on...).  Our New Year's celebration was pretty low key.  We had a few friends over and one couple that stayed till midnight (as we were falling asleep on the couches by the fire with a movie on).  I was not so excited about the changing of the year.  On one hand, I am glad 2011 is over with.  I can't pinpoint exactly why, but 2011 may have been the hardest year for me in my life so far.  The year itself had a lot of fun moments as we really got settled in our new home and community.  But the struggle with IF really took its toll.  I think I really expected this to be the year we would have a child.  We came into the year with all the preliminary work and tests being done.  We met with our first RE and went to our first fertility clinic.  We even had our first IUI scheduled.  I turned 30.  I really, really, really hoped that by the end of this year I would at least be pregnant.  This is the first year that the passing of the year was significant in that way for me.  Other years have passed and my thought has been, "Oh well, it will happen next year..."  With all the effort and work we put in this year, it was hard to watch the year slip by while we were, ultimately, in the same place we started.  We went through some very low times and I think IF took its biggest toll on our marriage this year.  Still, we came out together and ended on a high note together. 

I hope 2012 is the year for us.  I know that everyone struggling with IF says that.  I am encouraged through reading blogs because most of the people that I follow have eventually found a way to have a child, specifically those with unexplained infertility like us.  If we had a known condition and it was very rare that we would ever conceive, I would have pursued adoption already by this point.  But the hope is still there.  People with IF get pregnant ALL THE TIME.  Sure, it may have to be assisted, but that's okay with me (well it's not really okay, but I'll make it be okay).

We are on our way to a healthier, happier year and for that I am glad.  DH actually preached about waiting on God's timing yesterday.  I cringe slightly when people say that because the people who usually say that are those who haven't had to significantly "wait" for something.  They say it in this spiritual voice, but they really have no idea what it means to actually wait for something.  I don't get God's timing.  I don't know why some people have babies so easily and others don't.  This is the part of God that I really don't get.  I do want to trust.  Sometimes it just seems so silly.

Anyways, to those of you who follow as IF friends, I wish you the very best 2012 and the fulfillment of all your heart's dreams.  I am excited for one of my first friends SLESE over at Mommyhood After Fertility Frustration with the birth of her miracle baby.  And to those of us who wait... let us wait with dignity and grace and may this be the year for us!

P.S. I was featured on the Creme de la Creme list of blogs over at Stirrup Queens blog.  Check it out here.