Okay, I knew as soon as I typed up my post last night that I would need to temper it with another post today. I have done A LOT of thinking about why this situation bothered me so much.
Let me first say, that I really, honestly do not see this girl as a threat! I, too, was a younger girl who found it easier to hang out with guys more than girls. This girl is a bit older, so I would have expected her to outgrow it, but she is single and living with some younger girls, and she is just super friendly all around. I honestly don't think she has any ulterior motives. I think she thinks DH is a cool guy, but I am positive that she would completely back off if I even hinted at what I was seeing. I also really am not worried about DH and any "wandering eyes" or anything like that. I know that there was absolutely nothing meant by the texts that he sent. In fact, if I asked him, he would drop that friendship in a flash and not even talk to her if I wanted it. There have been other girls in the past that I was more worried about because I didn't trust their motives at all (even if they were just a bit clueless and naive). This situation is not quite like that.
Still, even after talking to DH again about it... even after rationalizing all the things that I wrote above, I do still feel bothered by it. I don't fully know why, and that is the most troubling part for me. I think it has something much more to do with me, and how I'm doing, than it does my husband. It might be that I feel like DH is putting energy/drive into things for everbody else, but when it gets to me that drivev is lessened. I don't know. I think we're both also trying to adjust back into life. I didn't think this miscarriage had affected me so much, but I really think that our world has now drastically changed. We never will see things quite the same again. I think we're both trying to reinvent ourselves in the "what if we never do have kids" kind of way. I think, in a way, we need to fall in love with one another all over again, in this current state of mind. So, how do we do that??? Thoughts???
To me it really sounds like your relationship has been wounded by the miscarriage and you are still raw from it, even though it took so long for it to happen and maybe you felt prepared for it. I don't know if you need to fall in love again in a new state of mind, it sounds like you need time to heal.
ReplyDeleteThis stuff is soooo hard. I totally get what you're going through. My husband and I have been through the babyloss ringer and I can't tell you the number of times I've been freaked out by the possibility that he would leave me for someone who can actually bring him a baby without all of this heartache.
ReplyDeleteThe thing is, two years into this nightmare, each time I bring it up with him he tells me how much he loves me and how he could never fathom being with anyone else.
I don't always believe him, but that's less about trusting him and more about loving myself.
So how do we get through it? Day by day. Making sure we have quality time together OFTEN. Talking about our feelings and frustrations, and complete and total honesty. It doesn't make things perfect, but it makes things better. Sending lots of love your way!