Weight loss, and other stuff

This is my post to tell you all that I have had enough!  Today I put on yet another pair of pants that do not fit.  Now that it's spring, I'm breaking out my spring/summer clothes and barely ANYTHING fits me.  This pair of pants fit last year, and last year I felt like I was more overweight than I had ever been.  Today I couldn't even get them over my hips.  I don't know what happened through this non-pregnancy, but it's like my hips completely reshaped themselves in a period of 3 weeks... and they're not going away.  My bloating has mostly gone down but my belly certainly is much larger than before.  I attribute that to the fact that for some reason my body is still holding onto this non-viable pregnancy (almost 12 weeks and no bleeding/spotting).  The one good thing I'm trying to take away is that at least my body can sustain a pregnancy once it's there, haha.

And so, this morning I went shopping for some pants yet again (3rd time this month) and while I was there I picked up some natural diet pills!  Now I am not a dieter.  I have NEVER done this before.  I have done cleanses and things like that.  But I saw these pills that we had samples of at the Naturopathic office I worked at (PG-X daily) and bought them on a whim.  I don't know how effective they will be, but they are just supposed to help get your fibre intake and suppress your appetite so you don't overeat and snack.  I think that's been my problem.  I've been really good with exercise this whole time (whenever I had the energy).  I've even started trying to work out once a day and going for a walk each day too.  But I definitely am an emotional eater.  I've found that lately when I am bored (which is often because I've lost all drive to do the things I love), I eat.  If I'm sad or down, I eat.  If I want to reward myself, I eat.  And so on. 

So, in addition to my hormones and body being all out of whack, I'm certainly not helping by eating extra calories.  I've started a "clean eating" diet and hopefully this will get me back on track.

In other news, I also contacted a counsellor today.  She lives an hour away, but she specializes in working with infertility and I'd like to see someone outside of my community/professional field, if possible.  I think this would be a really good thing for me, and maybe DH too.  My struggle with this miscarriage has also brought up a lot of other "stuff" that I have been (not) dealing with and I want to get my mind and body in shape together.

I still have no drive to work.  I am going through the motions of life.  I'm forcing myself to be social because I know it's good for me, but really I don't want to see anyone or do anything.  The only problem is, I then get so depressed and the emotional pain hurts so badly!  Sigh.