Did I mention that at church on Sunday someone asked me point blank if I was pregnant? And no, it was not because of anything I was wearing that emphasized my bloated belly. I asked her where she had got such a notion, and she said she heard a rumour that I had "a glow." What?!? There is only one lady in the church whom I have told about us (the sweet older pastor's wife) and I am sure she would not have mentioned anything! Unless maybe she hinted at something, and the rumour just grew. Anyways, it was quite awkward. I laughed and shrugged it off and lied saying that I wasn't. I hardly know this lady and she did admit that she was just being nosy. But still...!
I don't know how I'm going to make it through the next few weeks. I am consumed by thoughts of this growing baby. I hate going to work, and I hate being at work... even though I know I do love my job. I have no desire to be here. I just want to lie in bed and go for walks. I wish, wish, wish that I could just quit and do nothing. I've never felt so demotivated in my life. This is NOT normal for me. I don't know how I am going to get through. Maybe once there is more certainty, I'll be able to yield to the enjoyment of pregnancy and resume life as normal. Maybe?
I have my first midwife appointment today. It was scheduled a while ago and they are quite busy and won't be able to see me for a while, so I would rather go now, even with the uncertainty. Maybe they'll have some insight that will help ease my mind. I also got in touch with the local OB here, since my fertility doctor has handed me over to be monitored here so I don't have to keep making the 3-hour trek. They have sent my referral for an ultrasound for next week and once that is set up, I will make an appointment with the OB as well. Whew!
From all the reading I've done online, it doesn't seem to be a huge deal if a baby is measuring slightly off this early in the game. They often catch up within a few weeks. The bigger problem arises if there is no heartbeat detected. I just feel like our little guy is going to be alright. I could be wrong though but that is something I don't really want to face yet.
I hear ya about the lack of motivation! If I didn't have an amazing team of E.A's in my room - I wouldn't be able to cope at all! All I want to do is lie in bed/ sleep. With the spotting too - it just adds to the worry!
ReplyDeleteMy hubby and a co-worker told me the same thing today - you can't live in a bubble. (They weren't trying to be insensitive). You have to keep going on with your life b/c there will always be something that will keep you unfocussed when it comes to parenting/pregnancy. The joys of becoming a parent I suppose!
Good luck - I also have read that anything before 7 weeks is early and there could be false readings. Hoping that your ultrasound next week goes much better. With my last pregnancy I had a similar first ultrasound but they didn't see anything but an empty sac and I had to go back a week later. It is TOUGH. Keep positive...know there is nothing you can do to change the outcome! Know we will be here regardless!
I've been thinking of you and hope you got some better news at the midwife today.
ReplyDeleteI hope your appt with the midwife today went well and she was able to reassure you.
ReplyDeleteI'm hoping for some good news for you. I still think baby will catch up!! Who knows when fertilization/implantation actually happened, and anyway it's just statistics and average growth rates. I really hate that that person said that to you, it makes me SO MAD on your behalf. Try to be good to yourself! For the baby's sake!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. I know how rough it is with the days just ticking by and not really knowing what's going on. Hoping your ob is gentle and patient. Sending your love and light.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the love everyone! So glad I have you to vent to.
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